Tunnel Traveller

Squeeeeeeze!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-10T20:16:00.004-05:00

Squeeze has just announced that they will be playing Coachelle on April 14t and 21st. Technically, I could attend either show and, if I sold body parts, perhaps both. But, I have a problem.

This would be yet another trip I take by myself, just like London. My normal travel buddy can't go. I suppose it's okay, but after a while I start to feel like a loser just hanging out on my own and it sure would be nice to have a little company.

My second concern revolves around the possibility of other dates. I've been hanging on to my personal days (three of them) thinking that Glenn Tilbrook might swing through for a few dates in the spring. Of course, his website shows nothing about US dates. To be honest, every time I've ever left a question for management to answer, I heard nothing. Will Squeeze have more dates?

So, now I have to decide what I'm going to do. Should I book another solo flight for myself? How long should I wait for other dates to be posted? Maybe they'll perform closer to home.

Word of the Week

2012-01-01T15:04:00.006-05:00

Late last week, I asked my FB friends to nominate cliche phrases that they'd like to see disappear. They offered up several useless, trite sayings such as: "just saying," "my bad," "it is what it is" and others. Lake Superior State University (in the UP) creates a list of words or phrases to be banished in the coming new year.

Vocabulary and word choice are two issues I address quite clearly with my students when we are reading. Why did the author use that word and not this one? Additionally, I try to challenge my students to step up their vocabulary and I never speak down to them. If I use a big fancy word, I write it down for them and give them a brief definition. I'm always a bit pleased with how many will write that word down some place and some will even take it out for a test drive in a discussion or a piece of writing.

I think I would be remiss if I passed up this teachable moment and not offer up some more precise and eloquent replacement words. I'll make this list alphabetical and I ask you to use the word (or a variation of it) in the comments.

This week's word is - admonish (verb) 1. to warn or express displeasure in a gentle, earnest, or solicitous manner or 2. to give friendly earnest advice or encouragement.

* All definitions are taken from an old-fashioned dictionary that sits on my book shelf: Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary Tenth Edition, 1997

2012

2011-12-26T18:19:00.012-05:00

With the world ending on December 21, I'll have to work extra hard in 2012 to have as much fun and be as decadent as possible. While in London, I bought a small book (that I've since loaned to a friend, so I can't remember the name)that offered up a bevy of possible after-life scenarios. Some were far-fetched, like the ones that mused that we humans are some sort of space alien experiment. I really hope that isn't the case, otherwise the Scientologists are correct on some level. I would really hate that. In any case, the story that I would like to actually be the case is the one that suggests that the after-life looks a lot like life right now, except it is only populated by people we know. The author didn't really venture what the level of "knowing" had to be obtained before we showed up in someone else's after life. I was quite keen on this scenario, because as a teacher, I meet a lot of people (if if some of them are assholes). Also, I've held a number of jobs and have done a fair amount of traveling and have had the extraordinary chance to meet many wonderful people. If the after-life is indeed peopled only by those we know AND if the Mayans are correct and the world will end on December 21 and all of us are going to the after-life at the same time, I better get busy on meeting as many folks as I can so I have an active social life in the the after-life.

Having said all of that, for the year 2012, I hereby resolve the following:

I resolve to visit at least two cities I have never visited before.
I resolve to try to catch a few movies at the Detroit Film Theatre, even if I have to go alone and to try and engage someone in conversation.
I resolve to do yoga once a week and to hit the gym once a week.
I resolve to attend the MOTH story slams once a month.
I resolve to compliment a stranger at least once a week.
I resolve to clean the toilet bowl once a week.
I resolve to have people over to my house once a month.
I resolve to try two new recipes a month.
I resolve to take Andrew on monthly field trips to cool places.
I resolve to dance a little bit every day, even in public.
I resolve to gently cut negative people of of my life. But to be empathetic to their plight.
I resolve to write and read more.
I resolve to find an agent for my book.
I resolve to walk whenever possible.
I resolve to buy fresh flowers once a week.
I resolve to meditate at least twice a week.

That looks like quite a bit. But I must say, I have been thinking about this list for a while and I truly feel like these are realistic. I even feel like they won't feel like chores to achieve.

I feel pretty good about the world not ending, but if I do much of this on my list, I'll feel okay if it does.

My End of the Year List

2011-12-17T16:39:00.008-05:00

I know that all serious pundits and news outlets compile end of the year lists, and I take myself quite serious, so why shouldn't I put together a little list. I haven't spent much time thinking about these...nonetheless, I feel that my list is quite accurate and irrefutable. Can I get a drum roll, please?

Thank you. Here are my big moments for 2011...

Sad News of the Year

Of course, the loss of my father was the saddest event of the year.

Biggest Adjustment of the Year

Living without Andrew on a daily basis. I want to be able to hear his laugh and squeeze him whenever I want.

Best Decision of the Year

The decision to co-parent was a no brainer. I think that these first few months of the divorce have been easier on Andrew because his father and I actively choose to cooperate and to work as a team for Andrew.

Purchase of the Year

The Mini, as if there could be another.

Concert of the Year

I know that many of you might think that the Rochester Castle show will be my choice, but it's not! I choose, instead, the June 11 Squeeze warm-up gig at the Pelton Arms. Small venue, big smile from my singer as I walk in, and the guys blow the roof off the house. That perfomance cannot be topped.

Night of the Year

Monday, April 4 - Evanston, Illinois.

Student Quote of the Year

About an assignment for which students had to find two obituaries, someone said, "So both of them have to be about dead people?"

Road Trip of the Year

London! London! London!

Drink of the Year

Bailey's

Deadly Sin of the Year

This was a close race, but sloth beats out lust, though just barely.

Accomplishment of the Year

Publishing my first short story.

Discovery of the Year

I am stronger and more capable than I had ever believed.

Memo to self

2011-12-08T20:12:00.007-05:00

I've just finished watching The Joy Luck Club with my English 12 class. I had forgotten what a good movie it was, but how vastly different it is from the book. I don't wish to quibble with those changes (though my students did NOT appreciate the changes at all). Instead, for the past two days, a line from the movie has been echoing in my head. Rose's mother tells her that she must remember what she is worth. I am pretty guilty of not remembering my worth. All too often in our society, we value monetary worth far over any other kind. I know, however, that I am worth far more than my paycheck quantifies. Perhaps I am overwrought with work-related stress, but I feel a need to remind myself of my worth.

1. I am worthy of respect and dignity.
2. I am worthy of time to just plain relax.
3. I am worthy of friends who will support me.
4. I am worthy of friends who will visit me in my home.
5. I am worth of a clean house.
6. I am worthy of a few pages of fun reading every night.
7. I am worthy of the effort to drop a few pounds.
8. I am worthy of being told I am beautiful.
9. I am worthy of being shown that I am desirable.
10. I am worthy of a few road trips.
11. I am worthy of forgiving myself for my daily boo-boos.
12. I am worthy of my dream.
13. I am worthy of my son's smiles and hugs.
14. I am worthy of the opportunity to play my music loudly.
15. I am worthy of peace and quiet.

Well, that's more like it. I even feel a little light just having written that.

Serious questions

2011-11-25T12:14:00.007-05:00

Every year, I suffer the same Christmas conundrums and usually bail on finding an acceptable answer by doing nothing. Now that I'm starting fresh, I want to put these questions out for the general public to chew on and see what comes out of the process.

I should start off by stating that I'm pretty much an atheist and so don't buy the whole virgin birth story. For me, the Christmas holiday is...odd. I've mentioned a number of times that I don't really see my family and when we were kids the adults had a falling out and we all never really recovered from that. Therefore, while I enjoy my cousins (the non-racist ones) we never see each other. Since I've moved to Canada, I have one friend who will regularly visit me. I'll try to fix that this year, but everybody always has some bullshit excuse, so I'm a little cynical. I love to cook, so I use the holiday to indulge in that little hobby.

My first conundrum involves cards. I like the concept of cards. I love the idea of getting something in the mail that doesn't involve marketing and or bill paying. However, I haven't sent cards in a few years. I know, I'm a bad person. I am going to send cards this year, so here's the question: do people really want to receive a picture of other people's kids? I know that my son is absolutely the most perfect and handsome boy in the world, but do people really want his picture in the Christmas card? If yes, should it be a school picture or a more fun and spontaneous shot?

Second question involves that ages old problem, when are gifts exchanged in a new relationship? I'm not even sure I'm in a relationship, but I am occasionally sharing someone's bed. Does that mean I should get him a small gift? Am I off the hook if he's flat broke? If I even ask him, is that tacky? Too much pressure?

Final Christmas conundrum, the Santa issue. I never really cared if Andrew ever believed in Santa, but he does believe. I hate lying to him and I just wonder if I let it runs its course? Eventually, he will stop believing on his own, he is in second grade. How do I explain to my the-world-is-black-and-white son that the whole Santa thing is fake, or can I punt the whole issue to his dad, who was a little more pro-Santa than me?

Thanks for listening. If you've got any ideas, let me know.

I shouldn't really be surprised

2011-11-09T12:56:00.003-05:00

Yesterday's elections gave rationale and progressive people a few victories last night. In Michigan, we saw the recall of Paul Scott, who gave us the bill that basically through tenure out the window. He was also the chair for the Education committee for the House of Representatives in Lansing. As chair, he would have been presiding over the public comments hearing about a bill that would have lifted the numerical cap of charter schools in the state of Michigan. In Michigan, the majority of charter schools are operated by for-profit companies. Needless to say, both of the teachers' unions and most public school districts are adamantly against this bill. My union president asked me if I would like to go to Lansing and testify before the committee. I was thrilled and I have to admit that speaking before form of a legislative body is a bucket list item.

This morning, with testimony (and 30 copies) in hand, I drove to our state capitol. Sadly, my drive was in vain, as it turns out that the committee chair is busy licking his wounds and cancelled the hearing. That's really too bad, because I had somethings to tell them.

November 9, 2011
Good morning and thank you for allowing me to speak before you today on a topic of great importance: the lifting of the charter school cap, a notion I believe to be a very bad idea.
I have taught at Hamtramck High School (go Cosmos!) since 1997. In those 14 years, Hamtramck’s 2.2 square miles has become home to five charter schools, in addition to the seven schools operated by Hamtramck Public Schools. Twelve schools in 2.2 square miles is an astonishing number. It seems there has been no cap in Hamtramck, so I believe that I am uniquely qualified to tell the committee and the public what we can expect if the charter school cap is lifted.
We can expect to see an increase in de facto re-segregation of the American school system. This has already been the case in Hamtramck. The Greater Detroit Community Development Group met earlier this year with the superintendent of Hamtramck schools to discuss the possibility of Hamtramck Public Schools authorizing their proposed charter. It was explained in the meeting (I have attached a copy of the minutes along with a newspaper article) that the organization would target Bengali families specifically to enrol at the new school. How is that even possible? It is as if Brown v. Board never happened and taxpayer money will be spent on schools that look to cater to one ethnic group. Who is holding these organizations accountable?
We can expect to see a widening of the practice of not teaching what is not measured by AYP. A few years ago, I met a fourth grade teacher from a charter school in Hamtramck. After she asked me if there were any jobs in the schools, I asked her about a rumor about her school. We had heard that her school did not teach social studies (history) and frankly, report cards from students transferring to the public schools showed no social studies mark. She confirmed it and said that seeing as AYP was only measuring reading and math, social studies was dropped. Who is holding these schools accountable?
We can expect to see more schools that don’t provide even the most rudimentary basics, as a student of mine vividly details in a sheet I’ve also attached. She asked to remain anonymous, but I will tell you that she and her sister (who graduated last year) are two of the brightest young ladies I have ever taught. She quite plainly states that for two years, she didn’t even have a locker. In two years, she never used a textbook that was remotely close to new. But, that particular school offers Arabic, so I guess I can guess who their target audience is. Who is holding these schools accountable?
We can expect to see more schools that demand that their teachers use a script, as was the case of a former student of mine. Last year, she taught at a charter school that gave its teachers scripts and teachers were routinely reprimanded and written up if they were not at the appointed spot on the script at the appointed time. That school had a heavy ESL population and no ESL program. Who is holding these schools accountable?
We can expect to see more parents, especially those not born and raised in the United States, confused about the actual standing of charter schools. I have seen banners on a number of charter schools that proclaim them to offer “free tuition.” This subtly deceptive practice is bound to confuse a parent who comes from a poverty-stricken third world country where an education was the privilege of the wealthy, not a right for all citizens. Even my student who wrote of her charter school experience calls it a private charter school, underscoring the confusion that exists. Who is holding these schools accountable?

We can expect more parents to be told that there is no room in the school and that their child will be placed on a waiting list (after count day). My school doesn’t have a waiting list. Who is holding these schools accountable?
We can expect more special needs students to be told that there isn’t a program to help them, as has been the case of so many of our special education students. Who is holding these schools accountable?
No one is holding these charter schools accountable. For the most part, for-profit management corporations operate them. No democratically elected school boards. No open meetings. No books that can be accessed by any taxpayer who has the gumption.
Is it this legislative body’s intention to give taxpayers’ money to entities that are unaccountable to taxpayers? Is that the mission you have be given by taxpayers? Are schools that are unaccountable to taxpayers and ordinary citizens really what’s best for children? A lack of special services, “waiting lists,” deceptive marketing practices, scripts, a lack of basic supplies, no social studies, and de facto re-segregation? I don’t think so. Keep the cap and hold these schools accountable.

The woman from my union's office listened to me and she told me that my story needed to be told and that she'd let me know when the hearing would be re-scheduled. I plan on showing up and telling this tale.

A really cute story

2011-10-14T20:03:00.004-04:00

I just have to share this before I start grading papers for the evening. There is one young lady who is the first to arrive in my first hour class everyday. Class starts at 7:52 and she is there at 7:30ish every morning. Seeing her absolutely puts a smile on my face as she is a real sweetheart who is working hard to do well in class.

Anyway, she was putting the finishing touches on an anti-bullying poster that she was to turn to turn into me (a unit on persuasive techniques and appeals) when she called my name, "Ms Coral?"

"Yeah, T_____?"

"I never ever tell people things like this, but...I have a really big crush on a boy in this class." She shyly smiled and glanced away from me.

I knew immediately how honored I was at that moment. "Can I guess?" I asked. She nodded. "D______?"

"Yeah," she blushed.

I grabbed an imaginary key, locked my lips, and tossed away the key. "I'll never tell." She smiled again and went back to work on her project and then left to grab a little breakfast.

It's just such a cool feeling when a student gives you a little happy glimpse into her world like that.

I cried twice today

2011-10-03T17:39:00.004-04:00

I do not like to cry in front of my students, but it happened twice today.

The first time was the fault of A.S. in my AP Literature and Composition. We've just finished a study of elements of fiction and are now transitioning into poetry. The class's first assignment was to read the introductory chapter on poetry. In class, they annotated the poem and several students volunteered to read the poem aloud and share their annotation. Well A.S. read John Updike's Dog's Death. I had purposely skipped over this selection in the chapter because I am a softie and I knew I would cry. Well he read it and I cried. I pulled together my composure to add more to the conversation we started last week about Frankenstein.

The second set of tears fell at the end of the day, just as Student Council members arrived to put the final touches on Homecoming. I opened my email and discovered that the October issue of RED OCHRE LiT has been published and there was my name. I clicked on my name and I just couldn't help myself. At that moment I had to let go of a lifetime of self-doubt and I had gotten so used to living with it. It has been my shield, my wall. I need to let that go now. The world is such a different place without my own fears holding me back.

And it happened like this

2011-09-22T19:36:00.007-04:00

In the spring, one Chris Difford was soliciting some stories about imaginary friends. I believe that his intentions were to use those stories in a show. I thought nothing of it because I had never had an imaginary friend (unless you count fantasies about...never mind). The idea stuck around in my head and I found a story creeping down to my fingers. It turned into a story about an imaginary meeting with my son's birth mother. Through many tears I composed it and sent it to Chris. I don't know if he ever got it, but I put it away for a while. The subject shook me so heavily that I sobbed every time I read it.

Late in the summer, I realized that my writing had come to a grinding halt and I needed to leap out of the rut I had dug. I pulled out this short story. I fixed some words and sent it to a couple of magazines, including RED OCHRE LiT.

One magazine rejected it quite quickly. Then, I heard back from RED OCHRE LiT, from an intern who like the piece and asked a few questions for clarification. Immediately my hopes soared. I tried to stay realistic about the story, as I know that sometimes it can take weeks if not months to hear back from publishers and publications.

Today at lunch, I checked my email. I saw that RED OCHRE LiT had sent me a message. I covered my eyes, peeked through my fingers, and opened the message. It said congratulations, we love the story and want to publish it! It went on to tell me that they will get back to me about the specifics (publication date, any small changes, etc.). None of that matters at the moment. All I can think about is that some strangers, whose business is to publish literature, like my writing.

Is anyone listening?

2011-09-14T19:32:00.004-04:00

Dear Presidents of the NEA and the AFT,

I have just started my 16th year of teaching and yet I wish with all of my might that this were my last year. I desperately wish that the nation's economy were in much better condition so I could change my career. I feel that the politics surrounding education have been so toxic that there is no turning back.

Here is Michigan, tenure has been thrown by the wayside, all collective bargaining has been legislated away, we are on the verge of becoming a "right-to-work" state with a privatized teaching core. None of these actions relate in any way to actual research on best teaching practices or incorporating much needed social services in our poorest schools. Nope, this is all about destroying unions and decreasing salaries and about turning schools over to private corporations so they have captive markets and can reap all that taxpayer money.

But, down deep, you already know that. So, what are we to do? Are we to continue to try and compromise with an opponent whose demagoguery is driven by some odd combination of the Chicago School of Economics philosophy (the one that killed Allende, brought Pinochet to power, and drove Chile to its knees) and religious fanaticism that believes that Jesus today would spit on the poor? People who cheer at the thought of an uninsured person's death? People who listen to a radio announcer who called a 13 year Chelsea Clinton a dog? People who knowingly lied about weapons of mass destruction? Can one actually reason with and compromise with people like these? I don't think so. But, we keep trying - like good teachers who try to reach that angry student who is about to give up. Sadly, it isn't working.

I am not the only teacher who feels like this. There are many and we are looking to you for your leadership in making this happen. You see, we trench-working teachers are busy with lesson plans and marking papers. You and the leadership of the two unions have time for this task, so I beseech you to do the following:

CALL A STRIKE! CALL A STRIKE! CALL A STRIKE!

Shut the schools down for a few days. Flex our muscles. Show them that we have come to the fight prepared to win or at least not go down with a whimper. Call it and we will follow - I promise.

I'll be damned if I lose my job in three years (that is the time frame) without fighting back.

CALL A STRIKE!

A winner and a dilemma

2011-09-09T20:58:00.005-04:00

Okay, my kids voted on the car names today and now I have a dilemma.

They voted for an anonymously nominated name and so now there's no winner. I wasn't thinking and accidentally included the name and now it's won. The winner is Toni's Pony. I'd much rather go with a name that was actually nominated by someone with a name. I suppose I could tell the kids one thing and still announce the name of the second place winner - nominated by someone who attached a name to it.

I want to be honest, but I also want to crown a winner. Oh, why can't I make things easy on myself?

First day

2011-09-06T20:39:00.003-04:00

Even after 16 years on the job, I still get first day jitters. I know that my brain is still partially in summer mode and the kids' brains will be more than partially stuck in summer. I study over mostly faceless names and I hope that I pronounce them correctly as names are important.

This year is going to be hectic. I have five unique classes that I am teaching, which means 10-15 hours of planning a week. That's 10-15 hours of my own time. That doesn't count the number of papers I always grade. And, let's not even mention the political atmosphere surrounding public education. That all just depresses me.

First days are usually uneventful. Everyone approaches the day with just a little trepidation and even the most reluctant student makes noises about turning over a new leaf. I rattle my sabre and try to show them that my class will make them smarter, but only if they give their full effort.

Today was really no different that most other first days. A lot of kids were missing because those are the types of kids I teach. Maybe they'll show up tomorrow, or next week. Whenever their parents get around to sending them. Far too many show up without even a pencil. Three 10th graders tried to sleep in my seventh hour class. The majority, however, were polite and tried to put their best foot forward; "please" and "thank you" were abundantly used today.

Problems? For two of my classes, the 35 desks in my room are not enough. One student sat at my desk, while another sat at my work table in the front of the room. We'll have to fix that. How? I don't know. There is no more room for student desks in my room. Adding more would be a fire hazard.

I'm tired and drinking a little Zen green tea as I still have work to do this evening. I've already put in an two extra hours, between before school and since the school day ended. I still have about 45 minutes more to go. I guess I better get to it.

Humor is a funny thing

2011-09-03T20:28:00.009-04:00

I really want Andrew to like Bugs Bunny. I know that at age seven, I was in love with cartoons and especially loved both Bugs and Rocky and Bullwinkle. Of course, unlike this mean mom, my mother let us watch television.

I won't go into all the reason why I chose to not have a television and why I haven't let Andrew watch any television since we adopted him. I will say that, considering the repetitive language he exhibits, I am glad that I made that choice. I would rather hear the same inane facts about trucks or rocks that he learned from a book than the inane script of some television show.

Having said that, a primary component of autism is social awkwardness. I don't want him to be ostracized, so one thing that we (both his father and I) have decided is okay is monitored doses of YouTube. If it were solely up to Andrew, we would only watch truck videos, with an occasional train video thrown in for variety. What we have tried to do is show him bits and pieces of movies and older cartoons, to try and broaden his horizons.

That hasn't gone as well as I had hoped. I was positive that Bugs would leave him in stitches. It didn't. He doesn't even find Mr Bean particularly funny. I tried that today and his response, "This isn't funny." Man, I thought it would be right up a seven year old's alley.

The problem with humor and autism is that many autistic people see the world in very black and white tones. Humor is gray. For example, we went to the library and, of course, we checked out some non-fiction truck books. But, evil English teacher mom that I am, I insisted that he check out three fiction books that he can use to practice reading and interacting with literary techniques (all gray area concepts). He chose a book titled Recess Riddles. Each page has a kid friendly joke and a picture that helps re-enforce the punchline. My favorite joke was this one:

Why is the library the tallest part of the school?
Because it has so many stories.

Now, maybe I'm a very simple soul, but I chuckled while my child stared dumbfounded at the page. He did find the picture of the towering books to be mildly funny. I should explain that he knows all the meanings of "story": a) a narrative and b)a floor in a building. When I spent about five minutes explaining that it was a play on words, all he said was "Oh, word play. Okay." The rest of the book followed suit.

Let's face it, jokes and humor are nothing but figurative language; puns, metaphors, etc. And, perhaps there are plenty of seven year olds who haven't been allowed to watch television who wouldn't get that joke. For me, it's a reminder to keep my extremely sarcastic side in check. It's a reminder of the million and one lessons I need to share with my son. Perhaps, this is why he told me today, three times even, that I need a flat screen television here at my new place. I don't want one, but, if it helps him be less of an outsider, I'd have to consider it.

For the record, Andrew regularly laughs at all sorts of things. As far as popular culture, he thinks the Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote are pretty funny.

Name this car and win!

2011-08-31T10:19:00.005-04:00

Ships get names all the time. If I'm to trust Wikipedia, the tradition has existed for thousands of years. It seems that the ancients chose names that would protect the sailors.

It stands to reason that, seeing as most of us will never be sailors, our ancestors, who still reside in our souls, should urge us to name our current mode of transportation - our cars. I have known many people who have named their cars. I think my dad would call each of his cars Bessie - though I don't know why. A former student named her car Bob. I, on the other hand, have never named a car. All of the cars I have owned have been the lowest end model, a mere utilitarian vehicle to get from point A to Point B. I have, however, just purchased a new (to me) car. A 2009 Mini Cooper S. It is my dream car. I have wanted a Mini since it was re-introduced to the North American market. I am in superficial consumer heaven.

Because this car is so special to me, I think it deserves a name. So, I am asking you, my loyal and international readers to help me decide on a name. All you have to do is leave a comment here (not on FB, Twitter, or Google+) with your suggested name. I will then ask my sixth hour English 12 class to choose from all the suggestions. If I have a way to get a hold of you, I will email you, get your address, and send you a small prize.

RULES
1. If you are related to me - don't enter.
2. If you are a current student - don't enter.
3. Only names posted here on the blog are valid.
4. Deadline - Wednesday, September, September 7 11:59 EST.

Here it is - hope you feel inspired.

Things 23 - the end of my journey!

2011-08-27T19:38:00.007-04:00

As I started this course, I was a little concerned that it was going to be too simple for me. Also, my district just cannot get its act together. That interactive white board that has been on the wall of my room since March? Still inoperable. The version of Microsoft Office on the computer in my room. Maybe '98? Anything I type on my laptop I must save as an RTF or it won't open at school.

I have, however, learned a number of wonderful things. My favorite is the tip about saving Delicious tags. Just that tidbit alone was well worth taking this class. My other favorite bit was the lesson on podcasts. I hadn't yet waded into that pool of information delivery, but I absolutely will use the vocabulary podcast I found. All I need is my iPod and speakers. Not even my district can screw those things up.

I still see technology through the lens of my economically and vision deprived district. What I do see, as I stand on the cusp on what will be a daunting school year, is that I will have to share my own knowledge and continue to push for change. I will urge others to take this worthwhile class.

I just re-read Steve Hargadon's article and I still find it entirely too full of Kool-Aid consumption. It is impossible to deny the importance Web 2.0 has played in movements like the Arab Spring, it is also impossible to overstate the importance of face-to-face contact, or the mostly despicable comments found at the end of any article on any newspaper site. One glance at those reveals that there are a lot of "pro-sumers' out there who are interested only in their own ignorance and hatred and sharing that with the world.

How will I continue to learn about Web 2.0? I will follow the trends and ask the kids :)

Things 21 and 22

2011-08-27T19:05:00.004-04:00

Of the Wikis that I browsed, my favorite was Book Trailers for Readers. That gave me an idea for an end of the year project for my combined English 12/Honors English 12 class. I think they'll be making book trailers.

Anyway, the only obstacle that I have to overcome is the time crunch issue. I've mentioned before that I have five preps this year and, to be honest, I'm already feeling stressed as I try to start lesson plans. I don't think PB works is blocked because another teacher has a wiki.

I had wanted to start a wiki for a while, so I did so earlier in the summer, long before I realized that I would need to do so for this course. My wiki, Books Are Good is obviously still under construction. The big difference between it and a blog is that I can train kids how to upload material to this and they can work collaboratively on projects using a wiki. That's still the part with which I need to become familiar, but I have people who can help me.

A blog for a student is still more appropriate for his/her own thoughts. I would hate for a wiki discussion board to become a spot for competitive students or malcontents to try and mar someone else's reputation or work. I can see that happening. As long as blogspot is blocked, I might keep the Yahoo! group going for my AP class.

Thing 20

2011-08-24T21:10:00.011-04:00

I love the idea of using podcasts in class. I think it will connect with the kids because for many of them, information from a podcast is "different" from a boring old lecture. I'll be the cool kid on the block just for using them occasionally.

I went to EPN and searched for Language Arts podcasts. I mentioned in my last post that I wanted to find a podcast about writing. I didn't find one, but I did find one prefect vocabulary in my AP Literature class.

Then I visited Podcast Alley only to learn that the site was doing some maintenance work and thus could not open any podcasts. Sigh.

Okay, on to iTunes. Good news - Just Vocabulary is available through iTunes, so it is my first subscription. Then I checked out Grammar Girl. I was immediately disappointed that there was an ad in the very beginning. Once I got over that, the content was really quite informative. So I subscribed to this one, too.

I found one writing podcast and it was really addressing some advanced issues. I might check out more of its shows, but right now, it's a pass.

I didn't really prefer one search venue over the other. I have to go back and try Podcast Alley. All I know is that I'm looking forward to trying some of these in my classroom.

I Humbly Submit My CV For Your Consideration

2011-08-22T15:32:00.008-04:00

Dear George Clooney,

First of all, let me offer you my deepest sympathies on your recent break up with your girlfriend of two years. A quick look at this list is quite impressive. Let's face it, all of your paramours have been HOT. If I were a lesbian, I'd hook up with any of them. But, I'm not gay. What I am is a simple mid-west girl who teaches high school in...well, I'll just say Detroit because it's easier for now. I explain it better over drinks.

I want to suggest something that maybe others have not. I want to suggest that perhaps you keep choosing the wrong girl. As someone who is considered one of the sexiest men alive , you have a reputation to uphold. But have you ever considered that these uber-beautiful women are, perhaps a little high maintenance? I know they look great on the red carpet, but you've been through a bunch of them.

Consider, you're a guy from the mid-west, Cincinnati, right? Despite the house in Italy, perhaps you're still deeply, emotionally rooted in mid-west values. I know those values well: loyal friendships, rooting for the home team (not the new one, but the first home team), backyard BBQs washed down with a beer. I could be wrong, I don't know you at all.

Have you ever thought about a little experiment? You could insure that your next girlfriend doesn't want to be a model, reality t.v. star, or actress. For this experiment, I offer myself as the guinea pig. I do NOT want to be on television. Sure, I want to publish my novel, but I'd be happy if a dozen strangers bought it. You probably want to know about me before you make this major decision. Let me help you here.

My politics are very liberal. I'm a former elected official in my union. Politics are a bad habit for me. From what I've read about you, we both hate Fox News. Plus, I'm a high school teacher who is also the student council adviser at the school. I walk the walk, not just talk the talk (sorry for the cliche) and I think you might appreciate that.

I have to admit, that I probably need to lose 10 pounds. I'm not nearly as svelte as your past lovers. But, there will never be rumors that I have have an eating disorder and I'm an excellent cook. I like experimenting in the kitchen. I am, however, a vegetarian. Thought you should know.

I am not high maintenance. I don't require enormous amounts of jewels or other sparkly things. Sure, sometimes those goodies are nice, but they aren't me. I like a pair of simple, elegant earrings, a complimentary necklace, and maybe a small ring. I don't mind getting clothes from secondhand stores because it's better for the environment. The clearance rank is my best shopping friend. I do have a boot addiction. I have nice shapely legs, so that's an addiction you'll enjoy.

Speaking of enjoy, let's just have a brief discussion about sex. I like it and have been greatly deprived lately. That means I will be very generous and overly grateful. Very generous.

You have said several times that you do not want to get married. I'm cool with that. All I would want is a happy, reasonably monogamous relationship. I say reasonable because there is a certain singer (Glenn Tilbrook), who if he ever gave me the eye, I couldn't say no. Besides, I'm sure women aggressively throw themselves at you all the time. We can negotiate this point.

As for children, I have a seven year old son. He is mildly autistic. His father is actively involved in his life, on a daily basis. My son is the bright star in my sky. If you don't hate kids, you'll really like him.

Look, I'm pretty cute, I'm refuse to worry about grey hair and crows' feet. I like concerts, reading and taking long walks. I wear myself on my sleeve. I think you need a simple gal, so why not me?

Thing 19

2011-08-21T20:59:00.011-04:00

Last year, I asked our district tech department about podcasts. I had listened to a couple and thought that it would be cool and relevant if my students could create their own podcasts. I am sorry to say that I received several blank stares. I quietly excused myself, backed out of the room, and returned to my room - where I laid my head on my desk and silently wept for not having thrown caution to the wind and become a rock n'roll photographer, salary and sleep deprivation be damned.

For some reason, I was unable to watch either of the RESA podcasts on my laptop (told myself to watch them at the ex's later in the week), so I went directly to the third link.

The first podcast I watched was the Sesame Street on about language acquisition. I suppose because as the mom on a mildly autistic mom, repetitive language is a daily struggle. He has grown up with two teachers, so his receptive language is pretty impressive, but he struggles with his expressive language, though he has come a long way in the past year.

Additionally, a large number of my students were not born in this country and thus come from an English as Second Language background. Many of them do not speak English at home and, thanks to satellite television, only hear it at school. I've struggled for a few years with an effective way to handle vocabulary. I guess I just have to surround my high school students with vocabulary in the same manner I did my adopted-from-China-didn't-know-he-was autistic son. Don't talk down to them, be diligent about my word wall, and keep reading the research.

The second one I watched was for pure pleasure because I needed a Glenn Tilbrook fix. I can't really talk about it publicly, but I have secret plans to make him mine ;)

The final one I found was a series of four about the History of Photography. This is the great passion of my life and I'm always looking to know more about it. Of course, I was drawn in to it due to the iconic Dorothea Lange "Migrant Mother" photograph.

I still want my students to make a podcast and it would be great to find some podcasts about the craft of writing and maybe I can share those with my students. I'll save that search for thing 20.

Thing 18

2011-08-19T20:27:00.007-04:00

Yet another useful site that can be used to eliminate student excuses. slideshare is a site where one can upload a PowerPoint presentation and share it publicly. No more, "I forgot my flash drive" or "it won't open on your computer." If this site isn't blocked and I can open it on my laptop, the presentation is saved. It also gives me the opportunity to go back and look at a presentation for things I might have missed, for example spelling mistakes.

I'm not sure how I would use this outside of the classroom. I'm not in a position where I make presentations - ever. I suppose if I found myself in a situation where I needed to make a presentation, uploading it to this site would be a back-up measure. I certainly could do research on the site. Without the speaker, the presentation loses a little something.

Because the subject of autism is near and dear to my heart, I searched for a presentation about it. I found one called "Working with Autistic Spectrum Disorder children in the classroom." I liked it because it offered me gentle reminders on how to work with my son when the frustration level rises. Plus, let's face it, autistic kids are in our classrooms, and they have a right to be there. There are some estimates that show that 1 out of every 100 children are on the spectrum. That number is even higher for boys. As teachers, we need to be ready for the challenges that will arise when these kids, even mild like my son, are mainstreamed into our classrooms. Here's the presentation.

Dealing With Autism Presentation

View more presentations from guestf46b4

Thing 17

2011-08-18T20:44:00.005-04:00

Okay, I loved this assignment! Aside from Open Office, I didn't really realize that there were so many on-line productivity tools - and without downloading them.

For my students, I really like Zoho Show. Like Google Docs and group assignments, this site eliminates just one more excuse for not doing an assignment. As long as this site isn't blocked at school, a student with a computer at home cannot tell me that he/she doesn't have PowerPoint, so a poster board will have to do. I have to play with it more as I didn't make an account. I need to know if presentations can be made public so others can look at them, making grading a little easier.

I think I will more than likely sign up for Remember the Milk. For one thing, the cow logo is too cute. More importantly, I can get reminders in email and on Twitter. This, in addition to my phone, should be tremendously helpful.

I made an account at LibraryThing. This site could become my new obsession. At the moment, I can't think of a relevant school application, but personally, the sky is the limit. I like the idea of connecting with other readers who are avid enough to register at a site like this. I will have to be careful with my time.

Thing 16

2011-08-17T21:11:00.005-04:00

I was lucky enough to be involved with the National Writing Project at Eastern Michigan last summer. One of the other teachers involved did a presentation on how she used Google Docs with her students. Our whole cohort went on to use it to compose our response letters for all the presentations. Since then, I've incorporated Google Docs in a few ways.

Aside from my teaching duties, I am also the Student Council adviser. In the past year, the Student Council Executive Board has started saving important documents and forms in Google Docs. This means that more eyes can proofread and fix right away (saving paper in these cash-strapped days) and eliminating the need for a floating flash drive.

On a personal level, I used it mainly for two reason. The first is for a novel that I wrote. I have the complete manuscript saved there until some publisher sees just how brilliant it is. The other reason occurred after my dad passed away in January. He had a gazillion recipes typed up and my mother wanted me to delete all of them. Before I did so, I saved many of them to Google Docs, I guess as a reminder of my dad.

The biggest issue is, as always, overcoming my school district's policies. Currently, students are prohibited from accessing their email at school. While part of me understands the policy, it is hopelessly out of touch with how students actually work. I can, however, urge them to use Google Docs when faced with a group assignment. Inevitably, someone is absent and THAT person has all of the work. If everything is save in Google Docs, no need to worry.

With colleagues, I can see working on common assessments or assignments using Google Docs. Again, it makes proofreading easier and it spreads the typing load around as everyone can alter the document and leave notes about about was done.

Thing 15

2011-08-16T21:02:00.002-04:00

I think that this has been (after the photograph assignments) my favorite. All of the other assignments didn't really present me with new information. This one was a whole bunch of new.

As I feared when I subscribed to some of those sites, I had not had time to read most of them. But, give me a break, I just moved out of my old house into my own place. It's been a busy and emotional few weeks. Thus, I was pretty glad to learn of the manage subscriptions link. I immediately pared down my subscriptions.

Even better was the knowledge that I could subscribe to Delicious TAGS! I am not exaggerating when I say that this knowledge will have an immediate positive impact on my life. The first two subscriptions were to a"writing lesson plans" tag and an "American literature." Now, I just have to read through them and save the ones I like myself.

Google reader will now become a habit.

Thing 14

2011-08-15T21:30:00.004-04:00

As I mentioned in the previous post, I have had a Delicious account for a couple of years now. What prompted that move was a dying computer. I wanted desperately to save my bookmarks and somewhere, probably NPR, I had heard about Delicious, so I checked it out and it saved me many tears.

My username is TeacherToni (very original - don't you think?). I think I can use Delicious in my teaching by sharing my links with my students on my newly formed Wiki. Of course, I might need to arrange them so that only my school related links are public. Currently, all of my links are public only because I hadn't thought to make any of them private. It's not as if I have salacious sites saved to my Delicious account.

Does it enhance my productivity? I think so, it cuts down on my Google time because I've saved so many useful sites. Again, unlike clutter in my living room, my virtual clutter is out-of-control. I don't see it, so I think about it less. Just another job on the neverending to do list.

Thing 13

2011-08-13T21:24:00.005-04:00

I guess that I don't have too many thoughts about tagging, except that I need to do a better job of it. I also guess that how one tags an item depends greatly on how that item will be used. If it's basically for myself, any old way (or ways) will work. On the other hand, if I'm tagging for other people, I have to keep audience (like a good writer) in mind. What will be the most useful way to help direct people to what I hope they find? I think that I mildly lamented that I needed to do a better job tagging my blog entries if I want to generate more traffic.

I have a Delicious account and I know that I need to get in there and better organize my bookmarks. I also need to get into my Flickr account and organize those, too. That way, If I want to connect with other like minded people (let's say Squeeze fans on Flickr) they can more easily find my pictures that relate to our common interests. Perhaps I can do some of that tonight.

Thing 12

2011-08-11T21:30:00.008-04:00

My blog already had a couple of widgets (or gadgets as blogspot calls them). Earlier this spring I added the visit counter and when I started the blog I immediately added a Picasso of the Day and a blog roll. I don't like to clutter my blog up with too many bells and whistles. I don't want to distract from the writing.

The second I saw the list of possible widgets, I knew exactly which one I would add - the Clustrmap. I just love knowing who is reading my blog, even if people are not leaving comments. I gives me a sense of a real audience.

I do believe that real relationships can be formed on-line. On Facebook, I have a "friend" from Australia, whom I met through someone I met once at a concert in Cleveland. All three of us love the same band. All three of us are English majors. I have met up with the person in Cleveland and will continue to do so. The woman in Australia? I don't know that I'll ever meet her face to face, but we interact and enjoy each others on-line personalities, which in my case is very much like my real life personality.

Why do students like sites like Facebook? It feeds their social animal on many different levels. First of all, everyone gets to see how popular you is with how many friends you have. Secondly, you might have a random thought that you post as your status. Someone else might do something as simple as "like" it and you get a little gratification that someone out there is paying attention. Even I get that feeling of I'm not alone and someone is "listening."

Thing 11

2011-08-11T20:27:00.006-04:00

I actively encountered my first blog after the 2004 presidential election. I was hurt and angry and confused and felt pretty damn alone in the world. I had heard about the Daily Kos, a left-leaning political site,during the election. When I finally visited the site, I found kindred spirits. But the site is so big, I felt as if my voice was continually drowned out by bigger political junkies than me, so I moved on. By spring of 2005, I had found Booman Tribune and it has been my political blog home ever since. I've written diaries there, I have left a number of comments over the years. I have also made a number of real life friends because of that blog

I have a number of friends who maintain blogs. I wish I had time to comment everyday. I don't feel nervous about making comments. Perhaps because I found the tips in the article to be pretty much common sense. But, for people who are new to blogging, the tips are perfect.

I wish that this blog had more traffic. I think perhaps I need to do a better job of tagging my posts. Better labels would provide more Google hits. I love it when a stranger stumbles onto my blog and adds to what had been a soliloquy. It really makes my day.

Things 9 and 10

2011-08-06T20:54:00.004-04:00

I created a youtube account perhaps three years ago. It was in response to my inability to email a video to my parents in Florida. My son had done something cute and I had managed to tape the event. I tried several times to attach it to an email, to no avail; the file was simply too large. At the time, I didn't know about gmail, so the only way I could think to the share these videos of their only grandchild was to upload them to youtube. That's worked and since then I've upload concert video and more Andrew video. If anyone is curious, look for tacteacher and you'll find my paltry offerings.

I avoid youtube like the plague. I could get lost in hours of goofy Bugs Bunny clips. I do like to check out new music via youtube. If someone tells me about an artist, I look up a few songs and make up my own mind about the artist. I don use it with Andrew when he wants to look at trains or trucks or airplanes.

Sadly it is blocked in my district. I have asked to have it unblocked on teacher stations, but alas - no. I would love to use it when teaching satire (the Simpsons). I know that there is TeacherTube. I used it this summer to look for rocks and minerals videos for Andrew. It has less content, though I will look at it more extensively as I plan for my classes, especially if that white board is set to go.

As I stated before, I'm in a bit of a sour mood and this song really speaks to that. It is a beautiful live version of one of my all-time favorite songs. Enjoy!

Thing 8

2011-08-06T13:35:00.005-04:00

Playing with graphics is new to me. I have never played with Photoshop. I'm not interested in Photoshop enough to devote the time to it. I like my photographs to stand on their own and frankly I think I'm good enough that the images I choose do just that.

I played a bit with the mashups and, aside from the Memory game, I really wasn't all that excited about them. They would be good tools to provide to my students when I assign a multi-media assignment.

The image generators were a bit more fun and I can see wasting many an hour playing on these sites. Again, offering these to my students as tools for assignments is a possibility. The other is for my lecture notes, especially if the interactive white board idly hanging on my wall ever becomes operational (and I get at least a little training). These sites would also be fun if I ever have to make a presentation at a staff meeting - just to loosen up the audience.

With everything going on in Lansing, I've been feeling a bit cynical. Then I found out that I will have five preps for this coming school year. So, when I thought about this assignment, my brain was in a darker place than I normally like. But, I wanted to pay tribute to my new favorite actor, Matt Damon.

Thing 7

2011-08-03T21:49:00.006-04:00

As I stated in my post for Thing 6, I have had a Flickr account for several years. Photography is a passion and I have the cutest son in the world, thus I take more pictures than any human should.

I tagged a picture I took in London. It is of the wrong end of a telescope mounted on the hill of the Royal Observatory. All of my pictures are public, so feel free to browse through. They are in no way organized, but I plan on working on that, slowly but surely.

Would I use Flickr in my classroom? Maybe. Or perhaps I would create a Picasa account just for classroom use. I can see myself using it to prompt descriptive writing. Or, if I really had time, I would try to take pictures of outdoor advertising that uses literary techniques. That probably won't happen, but a girl can dream.

Paris Sunset from the Louvre window

2011-08-02T10:36:00.001-04:00

Paris Sunset from the Louvre window, a photo by Dimitry B on Flickr.

Thing 6

2011-08-02T10:21:00.003-04:00

Okay - now we're talkin'! Photography has been my passion since I was a kid. I remember being eight years old and my parents gave me a a Kodak 110 camera. It was as simple as possible and looked like this

I cried. No, seriously, I cried. Just imagine how emotional I got when I got a Polaroid. Eventually, I learned to develop film and photos. I took pictures for my high school newspaper and even won an honorable mention award mention from Columbia University for a baseball picture I took.

I take a ton of pictures. I've had a Flickr account for a few years. As a matter of fact, I take so many pictures that I pay for the ability to upload an unlimited number of pictures and videos.

I've already uploaded one picture, but that wasn't from Flickr, it was from Google images. My next big European trip will be to Paris, so I searched Paris and found a gorgeous shot of the Louvre. What I didn't know was that Flickr would post it separate from my post. C'est la vie! Enjoy!

Thing 5

2011-08-02T09:39:00.003-04:00

I almost missed this one. Good thing I was multi-tasking last night and actually slowed down to re-read the assignments.

Last night, whilst making delicious blueberry jam, I played with RSS subscriptions and Google Reader. Because I was in a canning mood, I searched for food blogs, more specifically, preserving. I'm glad I did that because I found a couple of good spots, one with a divine looking recipe for balsamic blackberry jam (I believe that I have found something to make this weekend).If you like making jams check out this site.

The amount of information can be overwhelming and I wonder if this is a tool I'll start to use and then just drop it when life takes over. I'm not really sure that using RSS can fully mitigate that information overload feeling. I fear that I'll check it once a week and start to feel guilty that I hadn't checked in for a while. Blogs are so personal, that I begin to feel that, as a regular reader, I have a responsibility to regularly support the writer. Heck, I feel guilty if I don't write here more often.

As with everything, I will simply do what I can.

Thing 4

2011-07-28T21:36:00.002-04:00

Well, I've recovered nicely from my trip to London, so I guess it's time to finish 23 Things Teachers Need to Know about Web 2.0.

Thing 4 deals with subscribing to favorite blogs or other web-sites. I have to admit that I knew about RSS feeds before completing this lesson. I had chosen not to use them because I was afraid that I would get swamped with too much information. I still kind of feel like that.

I could see using it if my students were keeping blogs. But, unless my school unblocks blogspot, I won't be asking my students to maintain a blog.

On a personal level, when I am looking for something new, I use stumbleupon. Right now, I just add a new site to my delicious bookmarks and check in from time to time. I could just subscribe to the site and receive up-dated information. That would be a more efficient use of my time. Perhaps I will try just that.

London - Day 10 - the last

2011-07-21T01:16:00.006-04:00

I'm all packed and showered and ready to head to breakfast just as soon as the restaurant opens. I'm not really sure that my suitcase is going to close, but I'll deal with that in a bit. My cab comes at 9:00 and I'll be back with my beamish boy by 8:00 this evening. I cannot wait. I'm not looking forward to the blast of heat I'll face in Detroit. I know that, at least in my head, I've complained bitterly about London weather, but the idea of wearing a dress, tights, and boots in July really appeals to me. I know how to pack for next time. And there will be a next time!

So how did I keep myself occupied on my final full day in London? I woke up feeling highly unmotivated. I wanted to sit in my room and read all day. But, I can do that anywhere. I decided to see if I could manage to get to South London all on my own, without getting lost. Not surprising, I found myself in Greenwich in no time. There, I visited the National Maritime Museum and walked up the hill to the Royal Observatory. I did not pay to stand on the Prime Meridian line because I needed what little cash I had left for dinner and a walking tour in the evening. The view was spectacular and the sun was even shining for my visit. The museum didn't quite catch my fancy, but I think that I am suffering tourist burn-out, so I won't really state an opinion. There is a dizzying array of maritime artifacts in the museum, some of them quite old.

I spent my evening on a "walk." Well, it would have been a walk if not for the torrential rains that poured down upon us. The walk was to be The Literary London Pub Walk. But the rain was so awful that we quickly landed in a pub where our tour guide delivered all sorts of delicious literary gossip. There were two other American teachers on the tour and we drank wine and complained bitterly about the attacks we are currently enduring. One was from Wisconsin and one was from NYC. I rode the Tube for a bit with a French teacher from Carcassonne. Even there, teachers are treated poorly, with the government trying to increase class size.

That's it. My whole trip. I shall never forget this experience. I truly can't believe I came here on my own. I even lost weight! How perfect is that?

London - more of the magical mystery tour

2011-07-20T10:57:00.009-04:00

When I last left you, breathlessly waiting for my next installment, I had spent the evening at an old punk bar. The rest of my trip goes as such:

Day Five

A glorious sunny day with perfect temperatures. I wish I could have captured this weather in a bottle and pulled it out whenever I wanted. Anyway, I spent the morning wandering through Borough market. It's a little like Eastern Market, but bigger. I could have easily gotten lost there, but I had plans - a groundling ticket to see Much Ado About Nothing at the rebuilt Globe. Before my trip, I hadn't had the time to read the play, and because I like surprises, I even blew off Sparknotes. I am very glad that I went in ignorant. The play was a wonderful little romp. I stood up against the stage at stage left, so my view was blocked from time to time. I stood next the a high school principal from New Zealand and his wife. My only regret was that I left my camera at the hotel. My confirmation email stated no cameras. I took a couple of shots with my global phone, but I haven't been able to upload them. I took a break that evening as I rushed back to Skype with my beamish boy.

Day Six

Rain, with a smattering of Mitzi sunshine. I spent the whole day with my new friend Mitzi. We walked through Soho, a ritzy shopping part of town, and a naughty bit of town. We stopped in used record stores. We shopped at more street markets. The day started at St. Paul's in the driving rain, so we did not climb the stairs to the top of the cathedral. It was an endless blast, marred only by the newly formed blisters on my heels from my new shoes. Oh well. We ate dinner at a fab vegan Chinese restaurant and ended the day at a pub in Chalk Farm with Simon and Nic. They cleverly helped me devise a plan to bring Andrew to London, instead of Paris. I would stay in Wales with Mitzi. Then we would move to London, where Andrew would ride in the cab of the Tube with Simon (so sayeth Nic). We could travel to Paris for a couple of days and see the Eiffel Tower and come back to London. Sounds like a plan.

Day Seven

A bit of a wash out. I made it to the National Gallery. The museum is packed with beautiful works, most of it old. I do prefer more modern and less religious pieces. Still, I was very impressed with the Impressionists I saw, plus several Van Goghs, and (my favorite) Cezanne. As I left, the skies opened up and left a deluge on the city, so I took my sore feet back to the hotel.

Day Eight

I dumped the painful shoes and headed Kensingston way. I found the Royal Albert Hall and picked up a few rocks for my son. Then I headed to the Museum of Natural History where I played mommy by proxy and took pictures of fossils and rocks. The building was beautiful and I would love to bring Andrew here. The number of people is completely overwhelming. In the evening, I tried to take the Jack the Ripper tour, but the guide didn't show up. The pouring rain must have had something to do with that.

Day Nine

Can you tell I'm running out of steam. I miss my son desperately and I'm actually ready to get back to routine and move into my new place. I spent the morning, which was sunny at St. Paul's. By the time I got there, I realized that I was touristed out, so I headed to some suggested shopping areas. On the tube from St. Paul's, I discovered something in my hair. I plucked it out, but that rotten little bee stung me, right at my hairline, before I flung it to the ground. While shopping, nothing caught my fancy. I must have been tired. I headed back to Camden and did some serious damage, including a pair of brown Doc Martens and a pair of purple Doc Martens boots. I've been told that one can ever have too many pairs of Doc Martens, so now I have three pairs. Fish and chips for dinner at Oliver's was okay. The portion was huge and I'm afraid I wasted a lot of food. By this point, I was whipped and ready to turn in, so back to Skype with Andrew and sweet sleep.

I'll save the last day for tomorrow.

London - a post from the rain

2011-07-19T14:29:00.004-04:00

I've been so busy that I've not written about the other days of the trip. Tonight's on-again, off-again rain will prevent me from going on my intended pub walk, so I might as well write.

Day Three
I went to a concert, not a big deal.

Wait, this is the whole reason I came to London - to see Squeeze perform at Rochester Castle!!!!!!

Simon and his wife Nic picked me as I "hitchhiked" along the road and we headed off on our hour long journey. The scenery wasn't particularly striking, so Nic and I chatted pretty much the whole way. We parked a long way from the venue and walked, maybe two miles. The weather was cloudy and cold. I was wearing a long tank top dress, my jean jacket, and sandals. I was fairly miserable for a while. Once we got to the actual castle, we ran into other members of the Squeeze family: Sue, Garry, Val, Gill, and Mitzi. Rumor had it that the sound check would be open to the public. Before that happened, the ladies (and Garry) wandered down to a restaurant just down the gate from the castle. Most order food, but Nic and packed a lunch, so neither of us ate and just order half-pints. Back to the castle ground where I met Tami and her friend Diane and to the start of the sound check. The sound check was interesting in that portions of it were silent, audible only to the guys via their headsets. Once they turned on the sound, there were Italian teenage tourists who were both mocking the band and dancing to them. I did not hit anybody, I promise. We ate on the lawn, drank red wine (and I was fine), and then bellied up to the barrier in order to secure our spot in the very front.

The Lightening Seeds opened the night with an acoustic show. There was one song I knew (the name of which is now gone) and I tried really hard, but I damn near fell asleep during their set. I was, however, fully awake for the main act. From the opening chords of "Black Coffee in Bed," I danced and sang with other Squeeze fanatics. Finally, I felt like I wasn't just taking people to indulge me in my musical fantasy. I was surrounded by like-minded friends.

The show ended and Simon and Nic had to work in the morning, so we took the long walk back to the car. By this time, my toes were nicely frozen. I dozed on and off in the back seat. We talked about the Casey Anthony verdict and we listened to BBC.

My only mild regret - these were the only Squeeze shows of late where I did not get a picture with Glenn :(

Day Four

I love the Tate Modern. No, let me restate that. I LOVE THE TATE MODERN!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was beautiful: the Miro exhibit, the Lichtenstein paintings, everything. It was on this day that I seriously believed that I could live in a city like London. The choice of cultural events is mind-boggling. Lunch was out-of-control delicious: fettuccine with wild mushrooms, red chard, and aged Pecorino. Wash that down with a chardonnay and top it off with two scoops of sea salt caramel ice cream and caramel sauce. Oh yeah!

That evening, I went to a pub called the Hope and Anchor to meet Mitzi and see her friends the Glamweazels. She had put my name on the guest list (a first in my life) and I got there a little late. The band was quite good, but the set was short. I met yet another Squeeze fan - Jim. Mitzi had to leave early, but she put Jim in charge of making sure I was safely returned to my train, which he did.

London - Days 2

2011-07-18T03:41:00.007-04:00

I was so worried that I'd sleep in super late on Tuesday. Everytime I've ever flown to Europe, the first full night's sleep usually lasts until noon the next day. Plus, I was really wired after the show at the Pelton Arms, so I'm sure I didn't fall asleep until 1 or 1:30. Tuesday saw me wake up around 7:00. That gave me plenty of time for a leisurely morning. I took breakfast in the coffee shop attached to the hotel. The continental breakfast is all carbs: croissant or pain au chocolat, corn flakes, juice or coffee/tea, and toast. It fills my belly and I returned to my room to wait for maintenance to come adjust the shower temperature, which was ice cold. Once fixed, I showered and headed out the door.

On Tuesday, I intended to go to the Tate Modern. I got distracted before I started on my quest; I saw the Tower Bridge off in the not too far distance, so I just walked in that general direction. I eventually got there and walked around the Tower grounds. The weather was quite chilly and I wasn't dressed appropriately (the story of my London trip), so I didn't go to the top of the bridge. I told myself I'd wander back on a sunnier day.

The evening was spent with my erstwhile host Simon who took me to Greenwich (via boat) for a quick Squeeze tour. First the plague commemorating Squeeze's first gig and then to the Anchor and Hope where Glenn had been doing Tuesday gigs for almost two years. There, we had a bit to eat and drink. We then zoomed into central London (this time on train) for a peek at Big Ben, Parliament, Piccadilly, Trafalgar, and the National Gallery.

Back to the hotel to rest up for the next day and Rochester!

London Day 1

2011-07-17T14:23:00.004-04:00

The one thing I haven't really been able to do is blog about London. Well, it's Sunday night, it's been raining off and on all day, and my heels are blistered to tears. Tonight is as good as any to write about my first six days in London.

Day 1

I am happy to say that my flight arrived a half-hour early. After a long, but delightful lay-over in Philly (thanks Erica, Marty, and Finn), I was very anxious to get to London. Immigration and customs were a breeze. I figured that my journey to the hotel would be the same because my FB friend, Simon, had given me excellent instructions on how to navigate the Tube from Heathrow to my hotel. The only problem was my luggage. Of course, I had over-packed. Of course, there were no lifts at a couple of the stations. Thankfully, angelic gentlemen helped me carry my bag to the top of the stairs. On the way home, I will be taking a cab to the airport.

Once I checked into my lift-free hotel, I zoomed to the post office to exchange some traveler's cheques. Apparently, the post office here offers every service possible: utility payments, money exchange, bank accounts. Anyway, Simon had said that he would be by my hotel around 4:30 for food and drinks, so I rushed back to shower and change. When he got there, he had a little surprise for me: a Squeeze gig at the Pelton Arms. It is a small, intimate setting. We first grabbed a little food at the Cutty Sark and then back to the pub, where the guys were running through a quick sound check. Glenn caught my eye, gave me a big, surprised, happy face. After the sound check, he stopped to chat for just a minute - big hug and kiss greeting. Then, the crowd started to fill in. I began to meet many of the names I had been seeing on Facebook and the Glenn listserve forever: Mitzi, Mark, David. I was feeling a little jet-lagged and shy, so I just soaked up the atmosphere. The wait wasn't long. The band ripped into a vigorous set and I was lucky enough to be directly up front, about four feet from Chris Difford's nose. I can't even tell you all of what they played. The best for me was Labeled With Love - which I had never heard because they don't play it in the States. I pointed that fact out to Glenn and he agreed immediately. That was probably the best Squeeze gig I had ever experienced.

I'm kind of tired right now, so I'll play a little catch up tomorrow.

Light bulb moment

2011-07-15T04:07:00.006-04:00

Twenty-four years ago, I set out to study for a year in Paris; it had been a long-time dream of mine. Just before I left, I entered into my first relationship and fell in love with my first boyfriend. The only thing I had wanted more than to go to Paris was to have a boyfriend. My fear of being alone and without a boyfriend completely sabotaged my study abroad experience. I suffered from panic attacks, cried constantly, and finally arranged to go home after 6 weeks. I was embarrassed and sad. And, to be honest, I'm not really sure that, internally, I have ever fully recovered at the shame I felt.

Twenty-four years later, I stand on the edge of divorce, the polar opposite of being in one's first relationship, though there is a boy at home I love. I find myself in another large European city, this time London. Unlike my Paris experience, I am not living with a family, nor do I have a roommate. I have come here without a traveling companion. I worried for quite some time that 20-year old Toni would emerge from the recesses of my psyche. I thought seriously about canceling the trip. Needless to say, I didn't because I am writing this from a hotel room in London (Camden), listening to the morning songs of delivery trucks and shopkeepers preparing for the day.

Instead of anxiety and fear, I am filled with awe, and contentment. The thought of being here for 10 days on my own is no longer scary. How can that be? During breakfast, I read an article from the October edition of The Sun (yes, I'm a little behind in my reading, but what's new). The article was titled "Simply Being Aware" by Abhishktananda and it struck me as perfect. In this article, he says

The mind...realizes more and more its inability to say "I am this or that; I am this person or that person." For in the very moment at which the thought appears that I am this or that, this person or that person, then the manifistation with which I have automatically tried to identify myself in the flow of consciousness has fled away from me - but I continue...."I am," and there is no need for me to strive in order to find this "I am." I am not an "I" searching for itself.

I started this journey thinking that I would find myself. As if I were lost. Reading this article over Corn Flakes this morning, I realized that things can be much easier than I make them. I'm not lost, no matter how poetic it sounds. I just have to open my arms and welcome myself to my own existence. For this moment, my life is in this little hotel room and a week from today it will be in Windsor. I must remember that I am in the driver's seat and set the pace. If I don't like the direction, it's my job to turn the wheel.

Interesting new NPR series

2011-07-06T11:13:00.005-04:00

Okay, so the series hasn't officially started, but NPR has started requesting submissions. NPR would like listeners to contribute to a series its calling Your Brain on Kids. Perhaps this is a sign of the fundamental shift that has occurred in my brain since becoming a mom. Additionally, I've been struggling for writing ideas and would love to have something published somewhere. I thought if a topic cropped up that fit my life, I would, of course, try to contribute my voice.

Sadly, the first request for submissions goes out to parents of 1-4 year-olds. I, do however, like the question: Has parenthood changed you? Was there a moment or incident that sparked the realization?

First of all, I don't think anyone can become a parent without undergoing some significant changes. I know that I am more patient and understanding. I am more empathetic and I now know more about rocks than I had ever imagined. I now swear a lot less and I have fully purged television from my life. I've fully come to the realization that a parent's life must have variety and I will soon leave the shell of a marriage that solely revolved around my son.

The second part of the question made me chuckle, because I can clearly remember the very moment I noticed that I had started to see the world through a parent's eyes. I was in the car and the John Mayer song, "No Such Thing" came on. I don't terribly object to the song, so I didn't change the radio. But the line "They love to tell you to stay inside the lines, but somethings are better on the other side." This signals my parental metamorphisis. Andrew has always struggled with his fine-motor skills. Occupational therapists would visit the house and offer advice, especially about how to help Andrew with handling a pencil, crayon, etc. In my world, the ability to color inside the lines represented a growing mastery of particular fine-motor skills. I found myself, in the car alone, tersely offering commentary to the song. I'm sure I said something along the lines, "You know...not everything is about suppressing the spirit and conforming to stifling societal norms. Sometimes, I just need to know that my kid is capable of a complex task."

It was at that moment that I knew I was a mom.

Thing 3

2011-07-02T13:57:00.007-04:00

Blogs in school? Sadly, anything closely resembling a host for blogs is blocked in my school. I can see a definite use in my class, in particular my AP Literature class. I can see a blog taking the place of a reader's notebook, with students keeping notes on-line as they progress through a novel or play. Or, I could ask them to reflect on a poem. Sadly, I could read none of that at school and I'd hate to sentence myself to yet more work at home. My only option is to see how I could employ a wiki in my class, a goal I had already set for August. If that framework is viable, I will put that to work in my AP class for the fall. I think my students would respond very enthusiastically to a blog assignment, especially if I don't run that play option too often.

Some of the blogs that I read were not class blogs, but instead blogs about the school day. I am a reflective practitioner of my profession. I regularly read recent, research-based books about teaching. The last thing I want to do is to turn my blog (or start another one) into the day in the life of teaching. I already find that I find myself easily consumed with how needy my students are, both academically and personally. If I wrote about my day, everyday, would it stop the current assault on the teaching profession, creating empathy? I don't think so. I'm interested in so much more in the world and I'm interested in exploring those sides of me. It carries no more interest than maintaining a strict mommy or a strict autism blog. Those issues are not the sole qualities that define who I am.

Would I use a blog for my classes? Yes. Would I maintain a "teacher blog"? No.

Thing 1 and Thing 2

2011-06-29T12:18:00.007-04:00

For my regular readers out there (all four or five of you), this post is an assignment for a cousre that I am taking this summer - 23 Things Teachers Need to Know about Web 2.0. My primary reason for taking this course is to fulfill the last CEU requirements I need to maintain my teaching license. I need three credits and this course, when completed, will give me two. My second reason for taking this course is I like to try and stay ahead of the curve. I know that many of my students know more about technology than me. I'm not afraid to ask them questions. I thought that taking this course, I could know something before they do.

I have been keeping (more or less) this blog since 2008. I don't write as much as I would like. Being an English teacher/student council adviser/soon-to-be divorced mom to a mildly autistic son leaves me little time for extras. I have, however, grown quite comfortable writing about nearly any topic. There are, obviously, topics that are verboten - mostly related to my son. The particular details of my divorce are off-limits. Beyond that, why not. We live in a world of 24-hour news and endless streams of reality television. My house is not packed to the ceiling with garbage hoarded over the years, I'm not addicted to anything (okay, maybe Lindt's dark chocolate with sea salt), and I don't pretend to have any musical talents. I do think, however, that I am a pretty decent writer and a good person. Through my writing, if one other person is experiencing something similar to me, than suddenly, we are both less alone and isolated.

I work in a district that is extremely poor. The threat of an EMF looms large on the horizon. Many of my students come from completely chaotic homes. They all have cell phones and MP3 players and yet, when I've tried to design assignments that implement those items (download an audio book), they don't budge. What my students need are mentors. People in their lives who see the value of an education. They need life skills that lead them to do more than shrug their shoulders and quit.

Many of them still don't have computers at home. It's pie-in-the-sky to talk dreamily of technology when each district is facing a $300/student cut next year. I have a lovely Smart board that has been decorating my wall since March. It is unusable because it isn't connected. My data projector remains sadly unmounted from the ceiling and cords are no where to be found. I'd love to engage my students with activities using that bit of technology, but I draw the line at climbing up ladders and using power tools over my head.

Of the two articles, I enjoyed the one by Steve Hargadon the most. The middle school article is clearly a Utopian concoction, as I have never met a class full of 13-year olds mature enough to handle The Grapes of Wrath. The Hargadon article lays out emerging trends that should give people food for thought and also tips for those who are cautiously dipping their toes into the new world's pool.

I'd like to say that technology is not going to be a panacea for kids who don't achieve and schools that have no money. I am also concerned that the uber-enthusiasm for all things technology based will take us down the whole language versus phonics path. The reality has show that the answer to teaching reading falls somewhere in the middle, and, as always, starts at home.

Weighing the options

2011-06-27T20:35:00.004-04:00

To be honest, my son has not had a full-force hurricane melt-down in a long time. Probably a couple of months. Each time, the trigger is the same and I, frankly, thought we had dodged a bullet this time.

This past Saturday, I took Andrew to Greenfield Village and the Henry Ford Museum to hang out with my friend Kriss, who drove up from Cleveland for the day. We left the house around 9:00 in the morning and got home around 4:30. We were both whipped. He was, however great. He was friendly and bubbly. He asked good questions at the artisan exhibitions (i.e the pottery house) and was extremely well-behaved. I knew that Sunday would be a lost day because that's just how he is. He needs one full day to recover from a big activity, like a trip to Greenfield Village.

That meant Sunday would be a chill day. His father (will I never move out of this place) had other plans and tried to enforce some errands on the boy. Luckily, I intervened and we stayed at home, read books, looked for four-leaf clovers, and hit the ball off the tee. We got through the day with no temper tantrums.

This morning, I knew immediately that something was not right. He spent the morning rocking on the couch, in a turtle position. He told me he was too tired to go to school. I said he could stay home if he didn't mind running errands and he resoundingly rejected that notion. I promised that I would pick him up a little early, when I finished running my international errands. A promise I kept.

He was fine until he had to brush his teeth. He has a habit of squirting toothpaste all over the sink. I now make him clean it up and that has slowed down the mess. Well, his dad caught the mess tonight and kind of escalated. This led Andrew to threaten to kick his dad and to call both of us "stupid futs" (his version of fuck). He finally calmed down and now I can kind of collect my thoughts.

I had hoped to take him to Mammoth Cave in Kentucky this summer, but after today's display, I just don't know. Perhaps he's ready for the end of the school year on Wednesday and that played a contributing factor. I thought the trip would take three days: one to get there, one to go to the cave, and one to come home. Now, I don't know. I don't want us to be held hostage to the autism, but I need to be realistic. I was hoping to go in August, so he might be fully relaxed by that point. He is bright, friendly, and sweet. He needs to experience the world, to broaden that expressive vocabulary of his. I guess we'll play it by ear and see how he's doing.

A New Tradition

2011-04-30T20:58:00.005-04:00

Last week in Andrew's meditation class, the instructor read a book called Have You Filled A Bucket Today . The book is about happiness and how we carry around an invisible bucket with our feelings. It is meant to encourage kindness by filling up other people's buckets with positive words. For my Andrew, I see it as a way to help him build empathy, which is so often lacking in people on the Autism Spectrum.

I decided to create a tradition out of this. I ordered the book and bought a couple of little buckets (remnants of Easter stuff). For the past couple of days, Andrew and I have been filling each others buckets up with loving words and kindness. Plus, he's practicing writing complete sentences, because I am not allowed to see what he's writing ahead of time. He giggles with delight at each note and his ability to show love has just been exploding lately.

I'm a pretty happy mom.

A New Task

2011-04-09T21:13:00.004-04:00

Because I have too much free time, I've taken on the task of handling the PR for a major fund raising effort for my school district. My friend John has decided to climb Mt. Denali in order to raise money for student activities, such as my Student Council. My bucket list would include climbing a mountain, but I'm afraid that my spinal osteoporosis has nixed that idea. Therefore, I shall both help John in his endeavor and live vicariously through him. Should you be a regular reader here, please check out this post for more information. I promise that more is coming.

http://climbingforsuccess.blogspot.com/2011/04/aint-no-mountain-high-enough.html

Glenn Tilbrook - Evanston April 4

2011-04-05T18:55:00.010-04:00

Last night I fed my need for a Glenn Tilbrook/Squeeze fix. My girlfriend Laurie and I drove to Evanston, Illinois to catch an acoustic show from Glenn at a venue called Space. We both took the day off and Laurie drove.

The GPS on her phone eventually took us along Lakeshore Drive and needless to say, we grew envious of the vibrancy that emanated from every pore of Chicago. We arrived at our hotel before the room was available and our stomachs rumbling for food. Luckily, there was a pub directly across. It was called Tommy Nevin's and it will crop up later in my story. From lunch, we walked three blocks into the shopping district and looked for the venue. We also stopped in a jewelry shop. I bought a swish pair of sterling silver hoop (large) earrings and Laurie bought a beautiful necklace. The time told us it was finally time to check in at the hotel, so we walked back.

I showered and read while Laurie napped. Finally, it was time to head out for dinner and then to the show. We chose to eat at Union Pizzeria, which is attached to the show venue. We dined on a delicious thin crust pizza with basil pesto, broccoli, red onion, sun-dried tomato, and goat cheese. Yummy! No time or room for dessert, the doors were opening and we had general admission tickets.

We wandered to the first row on the right of the stage. Our seats placed us in a way that we would have to watch Glenn's backside for the whole show. I chatted with the couple next to us, Adam and Olga, and then Glenn came on.

He started with an explanation that United had lost his luggage and his two guitars. He then launched into a delightful 25 minute set that went as follows:

1. Monkey Up the Tree
2. Take Me I'm Yours
3. This is Where You Ain't
4. Chatline Larry (apparently about one of his oldest boys and his phone habits)
5. Wild World (covering that great Cat Stevens songs)
6. Tongue Like a Knife
7. Oh Well
8. Vanity Fair
9. If I Didn't Love You
10. Untouchable
11. Harper Valley PTA
12. Introvert
13. Another Nail
14. Good-bye Girl (on electric guitar with assistance on the acoustic from a guy in the audience)
15. Cool for Cats (delivered in a droll, spoken word manner)
16. Best of Times
17. Tempted
18. Some Fantastic Place
19. Is That Love?
20. Vicky Verky
21. The Truth
22. Annie, Get You Gun
23. Up the Junction
24. Slap and Tickle
25. Pulling Mussels

End of show - just wonderful. As always, he came out and chatted to everyone. I told him that I was coming to England to see the Rochester Castle show. I posed for pictures and then, we left. Happily, the night doesn't end here.

We returned to our hotel and quickly decided to grab a drink at the pub across the street, Tommy Nevins. We take a seat, grab drinks, and who walks (now with his luggage) into the bar? Glenn and an old friend. Glenn turns and sees me, comes over, asks what we're drinking, and invites us to an empty table that is larger than our table. Over the next two hours, we chat, throw popcorn at each other (he could catch it, I could not), drink, and laugh. Someone gave him a gift bag that include a large hollow chocolate thing and a small metal mallet to crack it open. Out tumbled more chocolate delights that no one wanted. When asked what he was going to do with the hammer, he had no clue. I urged him to pull a Spinal Tap with it, which elicited a big laugh.

He had to get up the next morning at 7 to fly to New York, so we parted company around 1:00 a.m. It was a great night.

Early jobs

2011-03-23T21:42:00.004-04:00

Earlier today, I did a really goofy thing. I conducted a FB search for a guy on whom I had a tremendous crush like 16 years ago. I don't know what gets into me sometimes. He lived at an apartment complex where I was a leasing agent, just before I became a teacher. We both liked each other, but other than one make out session, it didn't go very far. I think he was seriously involved with somebody.

It got me thinking about all those early jobs I held before I dived into my career. That job as a leasing agent was the absolute best for a 25 year single woman. I met several men and ended up with two boyfriends because of this job. I had an active social life, hanging out with the young professionals who lived there. We went to the bar, played beach volleyball; I had a blast.

I'm wondering what early job did you have that, in retrospect, was the right job to have at that moment in your life?

An education beyond school walls

2011-03-08T20:29:00.006-05:00

I have been a Student Council adviser for all 15 years of my teaching career. In my darkest moments, my contact with Student Council members has been the only thing that kept me in the teaching profession. Along with my students, one organization has most profoundly assisted me as an adviser, Michigan Association of Student Council/Honor Societies. Through this wonderful organization, I have met many dedicated adults and students, all striving to make their schools better places. The conferences offered by MASC/MAHS gave my students the necessary training to be better organizers, better leaders. Given that I teach full time, I never have time to train my kids they way these conferences do.

For the first few years of my career, it seems that we always had money to send students to all conferences, including the expensive State Conference in Traverse City. Hamtramck High School's Student Council was even climbing into the well-recognized status. We hosted conferences, we presented at conferences, we won awards. Then, the money dried up and I became a mom and my time dried up. Needless to say, both Student Council and I have suffered from some serious doldrums lately.

This year has been different. I have a group of amazing seniors, in particular my Executive Board. I love them like they are my own daughters. They are driven, creative, and smart young ladies. Earlier in the year, they devised a plan to raise money for both us and a charity. They made buttons and called them "A-wear-ness" buttons. I won't go into all the details, but it was a rip roaring success.

These wonderful young women decided to present this idea at the MASC/MAHS Regional Connect Conference we attended today. Presentations from the eight regional conferences would be chosen to present at the state conference. Unsurprising to me, my girls were invited to present at States. The other students who went (a grand total of ten) also want to go because they caught that Leadership Beat. Not counting transportation, I now need to insure that we raise $2500 by March 25th.

Okay friends, both virtual and real - I need your help. I am tired of not taking my kids on these trips. I am tired of missed opportunities. I want a little cushion (who doesn't, right). If you feel so inclined, please help us hit this monetary goal. Yes, we plan on collecting as many cans as we can between now and then. We plan on hitting Hamtramck businesses. But you can help. Five dollars, ten dollars, any amount you can afford would be greatly appreciated.

Leave a comment here, and we can figure out how your donation can get to us. Or leave me a message at FB. My real identity is not stealthily hidden. The kids and I would greatly appreciate it.

Random thoughts while contempleting snow and loss

2011-02-02T06:41:00.004-05:00

I've spent the last two days in Florida. Yesterday, I went through pictures and scanned a few. I'm struck by how often my father and his cousins and their parents gathered for family gatherings and parties. There were also tons of pictures from family vacations.

This lead me to a conversation I had on-line with a friend last night. I mentioned that my family took only three family vacations, along with a handful of short weekend trips. He mentioned that is wasn't really unusual to look back at this moment in my life and maybe look for some truth or to even question my own memory. I responded that I am far more interested in looking for the present truth.

That sounds mildly profound, but also pretentious. Does it have any meaning?

In this time of sorrow, I find myself missing my son, my friends, and the snow. I'm missing out on a collective experience, a memory that they'll share. Here, we've been sitting around my mom's house, staring at the television, clearing bookshelves, closets. My dad has been cremated, so there's no funeral. It's the bustle in the house that Emily Dickinson writes about. This is an odd feeling. I expected something different. I don't know what I expected. What truth do I derive out of this?

Looking at the pictures, examining the hundreds of recipes that my father typed up for me, and parsing my feelings, I am going to take away the truth that I want my house full of people for dinners, games, and laughs. I want my gas tank full of gas, and train/plane tickets in my hand to see the world. These are the truths from the past that I want to drive my present. I want bright, vivid memories, for myself and Andrew. So far, I haven't done such a good job. I'll have to try harder.

Good-bye

2011-01-29T07:56:00.002-05:00

I came home last night from six wonderful performances at the Ann Arbor Folk Festival only to be greeted with the news that my dad passed away last night. My mother called the house about ten minutes before I walked in.

I feel numb and can't quite wrap my head around the notion that my dad is gone. He'd been in the hospital since December 30 and was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer about two weeks ago. We knew that he didn't have much time. All we didn't know was if the cancer would take him, or if it was going to be the pneumonia that had loaded his lungs with fluid, or if his heart, artificially kept pumping by a defibrillator, would finally stop.

My mom told me that he went to sleep after Jeopardy (of course) and when the nurses checked in on him later, he was unresponsive. He went in his sleep, just as I had been hoping would happen. He was 72.

Out of the shadows

2011-01-08T11:15:00.003-05:00

Earlier this week, I was talking to a friend who is also going through a divorce. Like us, she and her husband have not yet told their son, but unlike us, have told their parents. I have told my friends, while her husband has requested that they not tell anyone yet. They are using a mediator, and we will very soon start that process. It felt good to share with someone whose situation is very similar to my own. Toward the end of our chat, she said that she really admired how I was living my life in such an open manner. I've not hidden my pending divorce. I've quietly changed my FB status to "separated" and, of course, it is now a topic open for discussion here. I hadn't thought deliberately about living so openly, it's just what I've done. I take her words as a compliment and compliments always make me blush a little.

Her words have spun around in my head all week.n At the same time, I have assigned an essay to my seniors based on the This I Believe curriculum from NPR. I've completing the tasks right along side of them and I have discovered a theme for every step (forward and back) that I have taken in my life. That theme is struggling out of the shadows. I spent my high school years painfully shy. I wore huge shirts to hide my body and long bangs to hide my face. Why did I do this? I have some ideas, but I don't need to rehash all of that.

What I do want to do is to live comfortably in my own skin. This is me. This is my world. It's time for me to seize what I can, not violently, but through all of my senses and into every pore. If it's cold outside, why complain? Make some tea, grab a blanket and a book and enjoy. If my body hurts, it's time to take a rest. If it is not inconvenient or selfish, road trips will continue. This is not to say that I won't be irrational from time to time, but if I can keep that in check, I hope my soul will feel a little better.

The Big Move

2011-01-02T07:43:00.005-05:00

About a month ago, I found a townhouse to rent. It has three bedrooms, one-and-a-half baths, and a basement - all for only $850 a month. The owner has just finished putting in a new furnace and will put in new windows starting in January. It's not perfect, but it suits my needs and it's only five blocks from the house.

I'm not moving in right away, not fully anyway. I have no furniture, no dishes, no shelves - nothing. Plus, we still need to find a counselor who will help us ease Andrew into the new reality. It may seem like a waste of money, but I wanted to stay in the neighborhood, so I was going to jump on anything close by and decent.

Right now, I don't know how to proceed. Do I start with furniture? Perhaps a bed, so I can start sleeping there. Optimistically, I could have a little fun if I get a bedroom set. Perhaps I should get a couch, a sleeper sofa? That could fill two needs at once.

Perhaps I need to move those objects I don't use all the time and work on shelves in the basement. Andrew wouldn't notice those missing objects, as they are mostly hidden from view. How much should I lean on my friends to cross the border and help me? It's expensive to cross the border and I don't want to become a burden. Crap!

Perhaps I should just start moving all my books. Those are in the basement and also won't be missed. They'll sit in boxes for a while, but at least the place will look a little lived in.

Why is it that one answer to one problem only leads to millions of smaller questions without answers? That one was rhetorical.

An invitation

2011-01-01T07:23:00.011-05:00

I've just started reading Dorothea Lange: A Life Beyond Limits. She is the photographer who is best known for this iconic Dust Bowl photograph.

She eventually settled into teaching and an assignment that she liked giving to her college students asked them to answer the question, "Where do I live?". According to the book, "she wanted to see an intimate relation between the photographer and the subject of her or his photography." Therefore, a picture of an apartment or house wasn't going to cut it for this assignment. I read that page several days ago and it has really stuck with me.

This is a year of tremendous transition for me and sometimes, I wonder how I got here and where I'm headed. I've decided to explore this question of "Where do I live" as a theme for this spot. Oh sure, there will be the usual rants about work and likely my newly minted single life. But, I've been searching for a theme and this will do nicely for this year. I'll share poems, scrapes of papers, and photographs that get at the essence of this question. I'd like to invite you to share your answer or answers and we'll collectively design a map of our lives. Here's my first answer, a poem I've been toying with in my head for weeks. Enjoy!

Whence

From smoke encased womb, I emerged,
Frightened of shadows, disappointment, and success.
Kept in a transparent box by parents who couldn't keep that uncle away.
Adult quarrels isolate more intensely.
Fighting siblings, now strangers.
Love, sex, love, sex,
Blindly unable to differentiate.
Self exile to the land of drive-thru coffee, doughnuts, and shinny.
Unconditional love of a child
welds steel to my veins ,
frees my voice.
Whence and destination.

Good-bye 2010

2010-12-31T06:48:00.006-05:00

This past year has been a continuously shaken bag of mixed nuts. I felt incredible stress at the beginning of the year as I just couldn't get my act together. The year rolled on and I managed the stress better, though chaos always seem to loom near by. I've yet to develop any true organizational skills and techniques. I didn't write here as much as I'd like, though I fulfilled a lifelong dream of completing a novel. Much to my delight, one publisher wants to see the complete manuscript. Andrew's autism waxed and waned as we weathered both violent outbursts and overflowing love from my beamish boy. Finally, my marriage has peacefully dissolved.

On my FB, I've been chronicling the top 10 events in my life for 2010. As always, I'd rather not grade papers, so I took those events and created a Wordle which I now share...

12 year old boys

2010-12-18T09:09:00.005-05:00

Every year, my gym places names of underprivileged children on a Christmas tree in its lobby. The name is accompanied by the age of the child. This year I chose a 12 year old boy because it was one of only three names left on the tree. All the younger ages were chosen because those are easy.

I need some help. Within reason, what should I buy a 12 year old boy? I'm thinking a couple of Manga books. But beyond that I'm stuck. Are board games cool? Any help you can offer will be greatly appreciated.

My first camera

2010-11-14T21:03:00.005-05:00

The other day, I bought a kiddie digital camera (marketed by Crayola) for Andrew. I gave it to him today and he couldn't put it down. He took hundreds of poorly framed pictures. I felt overjoyed that he seemed to enjoy the camera as much as I had hoped. Watching him reminded me of my first camera.

I think I was either eight or ten years old. I know that the occasion was Christmas. The camera my family had been using had been two forms of Polaroids: the first had an accordion lens and the photographer had to actually pull the picture out of the camera and the newest was a fancy one where the camera spit the picture out the front. I adored taking pictures with the second one. Anyway, the last gift under the tree was for me. It was a flat, kind of slender box and I had no clue what it was. I opened it and found a Kodak 110 camera. I remember crying I was so happy. I hadn't asked for one, but I had dreamed of having my own camera. This started a life long love of photography. I went on to take pictures for both my high school and college newspapers. I once took pictures for a friend's wedding. I actually considered it as a career. But, as usual, self-doubt reared its ugly head and forced me to take the safe path.

Hmmm, maybe there's a lesson there.

Yummy!

2010-11-13T12:11:00.003-05:00

Whenever I'm feeling down or blue, my appetite is heavily affected. I'm usually less hungry and less tolerant of anything new or exotic. Like most people, I turn to comfort foods.

Recipe books love to classify food into categories. I love recipe books, but I just have to laugh at what qualifies as comfort food. Let's take mac n'cheese. I love mac n'cheese, it's Andrew's favorite food, and I have a mighty fine recipe for it. But my idea of comfort does not include spending 15 minutes grating eight ounces of sharp cheddar cheese. That's entirely took much work when I'm blue. The same with lasagna - way too much work to be comforting if the one who needs comforting is the chef.

My comfort food is breakfast. I love toast with butter and apple butter. Cereal of almost any kind is perfect. If I'm really sad, though, nothing can give me a temporary jump like Frosted Flakes. I also love oatmeal. Sure those instant packages will do, but I mean quick cooking oatmeal with brown sugar, maple syrup, and dried apples. I just had a bowl for lunch and my tummy is pretty happy.

What is your favorite comfort food?

Between two worlds

2010-11-06T12:07:00.006-04:00

I went to a one hour lecture on getting published. The lecture was offered through BookFest Windsor. The gentleman who spoke gave great advice - even just about little things. The first thing I can do is order business cards. The next thing I think I can do is record myself reading some of the poems I've written and upload those videos to YouTube. I was happy to hear that an agent is not a necessity and even happier to hear that John Grisham's A Time to Kill was rejected 27 times and that he published it himself. I need to read more, which means I'll have to outsource other jobs like sleeping, but that's okay.

Two bits of advice he gave, that I already knew, pulled down my spirits a bit. I need regular time to write, where no one bothers me. That is difficult with a six year old. The other is that my story (set in an American high school) probably needs an American publisher. That means I need to spend more time in the States, making connections, attending literary events, and going to book conferences. I like to do all of those things, but I am mom to a six year old boy, who needs me.

But, you say, aren't you married? I've not yet said this publicly, but here it is: my marriage is on shaky grounds and well, it might not survive. If I start heavily pursuing the publication of my book, will it be used against me? The time that I spend doing what I have to get the book published means less time with my son. Will I be seen as some unfit, narcissistic mother? That's not who I am and yet I have this dream that is within reach. How do I balance all of that with a bazillion papers to grade? I've already given up on a neat and tidy home, and I am seriously considering paying someone to do that. Most importantly, if this all falls apart, how do I keep my baby and publish my book?

I am, I am, I am Superman

2010-10-30T16:10:00.011-04:00

Before I start, I want to say that I have not seen "Waiting for Superman," the movie about four charter schools in NYC. All I need to know is that these four schools choose students via a lottery. I work in a traditional public school that accepts children the old-fashioned way: you live in our district, here's some paperwork to complete, and now we'll enroll your child. I shall not talk about the movie whatsoever. Instead, I want to talk about dinner last night.

A former student (and Student Council vice-president)became an elementary school teacher. She ended up teaching at an international school in Poland for a few years. She came back this summer to make sure her Michigan teaching certificate was up-to-date and to start on a Masters' degree. She's a bright, engaging young woman who is, I'm sure, a wonderful teacher. I had dinner with her last night at Roma Cafe at Eastern Market. It didn't change my life, but I liked my meal and the wine, so I suggest it. Anyway, she told me the following story.

When she returned to Michigan, the only teaching position she was able to find was at a charter school in a lower income suburb. But, because the school didn't have enough students, it shut down shortly after school started. She was left scrambling. Luckily, she landed on her feet, unfortunately, it was at another charter school. This school is in Detroit, very close to Sharia-run Dearborn (if that lady in Nevada wins, I might just bang my head against the wall for several days). The school has the word "international" in its name, but don't let that fool you into thinking it offers several different languages. It doesn't - it offers only Arabic and only Arabic students attend the school. In my neck of the woods, charter schools are ipso facto re-segregating schools, beyond what economic class already does.

Because many of her students are new or relatively new to the country, one might think that the school would offer English Language Learning support to students. Not in her third grade class of 35 students. She has one little boy who speaks no English, and neither does his mother. The aide who works in the classroom has been told specifically to not work one-on-one with this boy. So he sits, and does nothing, because slowing down is not allowed in the classroom.

You see, my former student teaches from a script. She is not allowed to vary from the script. Students have a copy of the script and are only allowed to highlight items on the script. She is observed at least three times a day, and if she is not a script, she will be written up. For example, if at 10:30, she has not stopped her English lesson to start her math lesson, she will be written up. Then administration can have a file on her, making it easy for them to fire her, never give her a raise, and bring in a newer cheaper teacher. My former student is not protected by a union contract. She hates her job.

She is not the only charter school teacher to tell me things like this. Yes, I know that I have complained bitterly about my school district. Here's the difference, my district is overseen by a democratically elected school board. Everything is open for public scrutiny. The charter school is overseen by a private management company who answers to, theoretically, to Oakland University. The university must not be paying attention, because how in good conscience they allow this to happen. Unless of course, the private management company is kicking back a huge donation to the school. But, as X said, "I must not think bad thoughts."

The Big News

2010-10-06T05:30:00.015-04:00

The past two weeks have been insanely busy. Every year, I get lost in the vortex that is homecoming. After that two week period, I emerge slightly battered and bruised and behind on paper work. This year is no different, but I need to go back and briefly re-live a defining moment.

I had decided to attend the Eastern Michigan Writing Project Writing retreat the second I saw the flier. I never get anything done at home; I'm either busy with Andrew or grading papers or falling asleep before nine. The price was right, only $25, and the location was nice and isolated, some cabins about a half-hour away from Traverse City. I paid my money, on deadline day and packed.

I rode up with another participant from this summer's Writing Project, Jessica. She teaches in Livonia. Her boyfriend dropped her off in Ham-Town after school and away we drove. First of all, the drive up was a blast. We chatted and laughed the whole time. We were so distracted, that at some point, we missed an exit to head toward Lake Ann. Opps, Jessica's GPS app on her iPhone to the rescue.

Upon arrival, there were only four other participants, all of them women. I just want to say for a moment that I was a little disappointed that there were no men attending. No, you perverts not for THAT reason! I appreciate the way men view writing, usually less emotional and a tad more analytical. Plus, they provide a different vibe. Wistfully, I would have preferred to have had a couple of free wheeling guys join the retreat. The two retreat leaders ushered us to our little dorm rooms and then showed us the main building that had the bathroom and dining facilities.

The whole compound is brand new and belongs to Eastern Michigan for retreats and off-campus classes. The area was completely isolated and peaceful. No Wi-Fi, but we survived. The rooms were small dorm style rooms that could accommodate two people, but with only six of use, we all had our own room. That was perfect for me because I need complete and utter isolation in order to get anything done. That includes grading papers (which is why I am always so far behind). I've always had to be alone to write. In college, I used to write in a closet (no, you perverts, not THAT type of closet). I stayed in my room almost the whole time, while the others wrote in the main building. At the start of the weekend, I knew that I was close to being done, but I honestly felt that I was still a few chapters away.

Saturday, September 20th is a date I'd like to remember. I had just walked up to the main building for dinner. The air was silent and contemplative, so I plugged in my laptop to write a few lines. Then it happened. My hands began to shake and tears filled my eyes, I was typing the last lines of the first draft and my body knew it before my brain did. I hadn't intended to end the book there, but the story told me nothing more was left to say. I needed to be alone. The other retreat participants were nearly strangers and I couldn't share this moment with them, I just didn't feel that connection. I rushed to the bathroom to hyperventilate and wash the puffiness from my eyes.

All through dinner, I said nothing about being done. I waited until sharing time after dinner. Many sincere and heartfelt congratulations came my way and I felt proud. I also wanted to celebrate. There was no wine on the premises (it's allowed, but no one had brought any), moving three of us drove to a grocery store 15 minutes away and bought wine to toasting. The other three did not join us, so I deceptively brought home the partially consumed bottle.

I am actually going to celebrate on Friday (tomorrow) with a handful of friends who have given me moral support or critical feedback throughout the writing process. I know that this is just the start. I have some heavy-duty editing to do and letters of inquiry to send out. All of that will come together over the next few months. I need this little victory party.

I have continually sabotaged myself throughout my life. I have pulled back at the near completion of every goal I have ever set for myself. I know why - years of therapy have taught me that. There is still, to this day, a part of my brain that tells me that I am not worthy of accomplishing any thing as lofty as my dreams. This first draft beats back that voice to a whimper. Now, I have to slay it completely and publish this baby. If I have to publish it myself, I will. But, I will publish it.

A two beer rant

2010-09-22T21:53:00.005-04:00

I won't be long, as I am completely exhausted.

Today the teaching staff was told that our district will be broke on November 1, unless, of courses, concessions can be made. The district is in the red by better than two million dollars. Should we actually go broke, the state would presumably send in an emergency finance director who would then slash away.

I have been far too involved in the inner workings of the district to not be absolutely livid at the sheer incompetence that has brought us to this point.

All of the buildings in our district are ancient and certainly would not get the energy star rating. So, how many grants have we pursued in order to reduce our long-term energy costs? I'm betting that the number is closer to zero than it should be.

Let me tell you about the educational foundation that the teachers' union tried to establish three years ago. We had a name, started writing by-laws, but we could not get a single administrator to agree to sit on the board. A foundation could have funneled much needed donations into the district.

Or howabout the $350/hour the lawyer was paid to handle negotiations? He racked up nearly $40,000 in two years. Yup, but we're broke.

When the vulture-like charter schools began to move in, did we do anything like offer language classes (i.e. Arabic) that might entice parents to keep their kids in our school? Nope. On the topic of charter schools - would someone in Michigan please look into them. It is my understanding that religious indoctrination is being taught. I know for a fact that one of the K-8 charters did not teach social studies because the federal standards didn't use social studies to measure and grade schools. My favorite is, of course, if a charter school doesn't have enough students, it will just shut down completely, two weeks into the school year. Us, we would just lay-off teachers, not shut down entirely.

My beer buzz in wearing off and I need to sleep. I need to do my job, as I always do, with gusto and enthusiasm.

The public vs the private

2010-08-12T08:03:00.005-04:00

I have recently come to a perplexing conclusion. Andrew is consistently more autistic in public than he is at home. I'm not sure that I can fully verbalize what this means, but I'll try.

Andrew most predominate autistic trait is his use of stereotypical language. He'll fixate on a phrase that he'll use at the most random and odd times. At the moment, he is beginning to lose his baby teeth, so he is interested in teeth. Everytime I smile, he points and says,"Two big front teeth." It's to the point where I dread smiling because I'll have to hear that phrase - again. This language issue is the one we have to deal with most frequently at home.

In public, I have noticed that Andrew adds more obviously stereotypical autistic behaviors to his repertoire. He has started rocking back and forth when we go shopping. Yes, the type of rocking most imagine when they think of autism. I don't know what to do about it. I tell him to stop. He only asks why. How do you say to your son that you look autistic when you do that? I worry that he sits in class and rocks away, isolating him from classmates. He doesn't rock like this at home, unless he is extremely tired.

Then I become concerned that I'm worried about how I'm being perceived when he starts rocking, that my ego is on the line. The self-doubt monster rears its ugly multiple heads - I 'm a rotten mother. There has been more than one person to either subconsciously suggest this or to flat out tell me that I suck at mothering. Maybe they're right.

It's too early in the day for this.

The Power of Words

2010-07-27T20:53:00.010-04:00

I needed a few days worth of reflection before I touched on this subject, as I had experienced a very strong emotional reaction to the power that words have over us. Now that I've had a little distance from the experience, I think that I can write this without crying.

Last Thursday was the final meeting time for the Eastern Michigan Writing Project in which I had participated for four weeks. The culminating classroom activity was a read through of the pieces we all placed in the course anthology. Each person read their piece, whether it was fiction, poetry, or a personal narrative. Four weeks previous to this read through, we were 19 people who were essentially strangers to each other. Sure, a couple of us were lucky enough to already know another person in class (me and Jason, Liz and Nick, Karla and Jessica), but the rest were completely unknown entities. We didn't know if the personalities in the room would click. We didn't know if someone was going to be ultra-sensitive about certain topics. We didn't know if someone was going to be a stick in the mud. Yet, as we completed our time together, each read his/her piece aloud, sometimes with quivering voices.

This is the power that language holds over us. As several of the participants stated, they had written, edited, and revised their pieces several times. When the time came to give a voice to our words, many were overcome by the emotions wrought by the events described. Why is that? What is it about the telling of an important life experience that evokes tears? I can look at and hold the outfit that Andrew was wearing the day I first held him and simply smile. But, as I sit here and write this (full-disclosure, I read aloud to myself as I write), I weep with joy at just the thought of the object.

I think, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, that writing pours all of our vulnerabilities out on the table for all to see. It is like cutting open a vein to see what essential drips out of us. That is scary. Who wants to let strangers in and view our weaknesses? This is the job of a writer, however. That has never been more patently clear to me than after the past four weeks. My job is to find that truth that courses through my body and emancipate it. I'm not sure that I am wholly ready to face those truths. They will forever alter my life's trajectory once I let them go. My writing will be incomplete until those truths are free. I guess I should let freedom ring.

My Daily Log - EMPW July 20, 2010

2010-07-20T11:09:00.008-04:00

I spent two hours last night playing with Windows Movie Maker in order to make the daily log for class. The purpose of the daily log is to visually record the previous day's activity. If I do this properly, you will be able to view it, with music just down below. I enjoyed using movie maker and I am now trying to think of ways to use it in my classroom, either in presenting material to students or having students use it to demonstrate their understanding of the material.

EMPW Daily Log - July 20 2010

You'll have to download it in order to watch it.

Enjoy!

Research Proposal

2010-07-20T10:07:00.017-04:00

The final piece I need to complete for my EMWP insitute is a brief proposal for research that I intend to to during the 2010-2011 school year. Of the myriad of areas I need to improve my teaching, I have grown most concerned with their reading comprehension due to poor vocabulary. I want to improve how I help my students learn new and relevant vocabulary.

Hamtramck High School is certainly one of the most unique places I have ever been. Sixty percent of the students speak English as a second language. The majority of all students receive free and reduced lunch. We know that numbers like this usually equate to lower literacy rates. Not only are students like mine less likely to read often, they are also more likely to have a substantially smaller vocabulary. This past school year, I found myself really struggling with ways to handle vocabulary instruction. This struggle was not a new one, by any means. I, however, think that I found more urgency in the matter because my school was facing the prospect of not achieving AYP for the seventh year in a row. In order for students to pass the state mandated tests, they had to become better readers. In order to become better readers, they need to expand their vocabulary. Additionally, I had the privilege of teaching AP Literature and Composition for the first time. The level of vocabulary needed by students to succeed in this class was significantly higher than any other class I have taught.

As the end of the school year approached, I scoured catalogs, hoping to find that magic vocabulary bullet that would help my students. Of course, the program would be simple to use and the students would feel inspired while working their way through the material. Each teacher was given 100 dollars to spend and that was not going to cover a complete set of vocabulary workbooks. Frustration set in and in June I didn't know what I was going to do. Thankfully, the EMPW reminded me that there is research that addressed many issues like vocabulary and that it doesn't take that much time to look into the trouble spots in my classroom.

As I began the research into vocabulary instruction, it was immediately clear that buying a "magic workbook" was not an effective means to improve student vocabulary. In Classroom Instruction that Works, Marzano, Pickering, and Pollock cite Nagy and Herman's (1987) alternative to word lists: more reading.

If students were to spend 25 minutes a day reading at a rate of 200 words per
minute for 200 days out of the year, they would read a million words of text
annually. According to our estimates, with this amount of reading, children
will encounter between 15,000 and 30,000 unfamiliar words. If one in 20 of
these words is learned, the yearly gain will be between 750 and 1,500 words (124).

This sounds like a reasonable goal for a teacher. I know that I cannot carve out 25 minutes for reading everyday in the class; it is possible, however, to make sure that more reading is assigned for homework. On the surface, this appears to mean more work to collect from students. Many of my students won't do homework for credit, I can see many of them not putting forth any effort on reading for reading's sake. Initially, written assignments for each reading assignment might be necessary.

Marzano, Pickering, and Pollock do not completely rule out the usefulness in directly teaching vocabulary. They present five ideas for teachers to remember when teaching vocabulary:
1. Students need to see a word in context more than one time in order to learn it.
2. Direct instruction about the word improves learning.
3. Associate new words with pictures
4. Word lists do work (note to self, find those catalogs).
5. Directly teach words as related to new content. (124-28)

To address all of these aspects, I will need to make some wholesale changes in my classroom.

I teach American Literature to tenth grade students. Many of the difficult vocabulary words that my students will encounter in short stories and poems are likely to be one-time encounters. I think that in order to help students process and learn those words, I will ask them to create pictures with those story related vocabulary. I will also preview the words before reading the story or poem, in order to directly teach new content words.

In her book Words, Words, Words Janet Allen cites Simmons and Kameenui who tell us that students need to use words frequently if they are going to remember them properly. That means that I will have to ensure that the words we study implicitly as vocabulary will have to be revisited through out the year. List of words will likely be posted around the room. When the opportunity arises in class discussions, the list can serve as prompts both for students and me. I hope that just having the words around and highly visible will encourage students to use new and more advanced words.

I believe that my students will also keep a readers notebook. One section will be dedicated to vocabulary. In this section, students will keep track of troublesome words. I haven't yet determined what will be done with those personal lists. It is likely that students will have to make pictures related to at least some of their words.

In order to gauge my students' growth, I believe that the students will take a vocabulary assessment during the first week of school. This will give me some baseline data and perhaps the first vocabulary list that will be implicitly taught. At the beginning of the second semester, students will take another assessment in order to monitor how much students have learned in the the first semester. Students will take a final vocabulary assessment during June, just before finals. I hope to find that my students will have shown measurable growth since September.

I am looking forward to implementing these changes in my class. Starting the research process has sparked my imagination and has given me a more optimistic outlook on the coming school year.

Resources Cited

Words, Words, Words, Allen, Janet. Stenhouse Publishers: Portland, Maine. 1999.

Classroom Instruction that Works, Marzano, Robert J. et al. Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development: Alexandria, Virginia. 2001.

Two links for EMPW 2010

2010-07-19T13:29:00.009-04:00

The following two links are required for my final EMPW portfolio.

This first link is for the Demonstration Lesson I did on Tuesday, July 13.

Demonstration Lesson

The second is the poem I posted on the Open Mic section of the NWP website. I've edited it to reflect the perfectly valid point made in the response.

A Lasting Legacy

Final Reflective Essay - EMWP 2010

2010-07-16T20:43:00.023-04:00

* A note to all four (?) of my regular readers (hi Tahrima, Chuck, Val, and Laura) over the next five days, I will be posting assignments related to the Writing Project at Eastern Michigan. Don't hesitate to read through my thoughts and feel free to comment, the more the merrier.

As has often been the been the case in my life, I entered the experience at EMWP with a copious amount of self-doubt. It had been nine years since I had last sat in a classroom as a student. In the ensuing years, I became a mom and felt my ability to multi-task had weakened. I also began to struggle in the classroom. I felt disengaged and distant from both my students and the material. Everything that was new was old. The daily grind of students screaming and fighting in the halls, the million and one excuses for why assignments weren't complete. Down deep, I knew that I was part of the problem, but felt helpless to repair the damage. This struggle led me to feel that I had nothing valuable to share as a demonstration lesson. Truth be told, I feared that I had never had a successful writing lesson in the 15 years I had been teaching. As the institute enters into a last few days, I can now say that, given a choice, I would not have spent these last four weeks in any other way or with any other people.

The greatest fear I had coming into the institute was the demonstration lesson. I work at a school that had now not made AYP in seven years. Despite my best efforts, I have internalized the message that I work in a failing school. If the school is failing, it stands to reason that the teachers are to blame. What teacher doesn't take it a little personally if a majority of students fail a quiz? If I am a failing teacher at a failing school, I told myself that I had no lessons of which to be proud. I must interview well, because I received an e-mail congratulating me. It was now incumbent to find a topic for the demonstration lesson. A 75-minute demonstration lesson. I finally decided on the children's book project that my creative writing class did. I hadn't felt particularly proud of this lesson, but it did encompass many aspects of both writing and reading. Doing the research for my demonstration bolstered my spirits as I found that I had actually incorporated a few research-solid elements in the project. I was pleased that my students were writing for an authentic audience. I was pleased that the study of the mentor texts was appropriate when asking students to write in an unfamiliar genre. What especially pleased me was the importance of older students mentoring younger students. The things I happen to do right are enough to push me to fix the rest of the project and resurrect it next year.

Along with a new and improved children's book project, I hope to focus on two wholesale changes in my class next year. I want implement to two or three days of writer's workshop, using writer's notebook. From all that I have read so far, I truly feel that this is a technique that will work with my students, It will provide them a safe atmosphere in which to work on their writing, while also allowing me to take home fewer papers, because I will conference with them (and they will conference with each other) in class. If we did not have the time to do research during the institute, I would not feel confident enough to try this new (to me) technique. I am also hoping to improve my method of delivering vocabulary instruction. My students are largely non-native English speakers who struggle with both reading and writing assignments due to their limited vocabulary. I am not as far into the research with this aspect, but I already know that some form of personal dictionary will be on the agenda for my students.

The final aspect of the institute involves the teacher was writer. Beyond all the professional assistance I have gained from the program, the most gratifying personally has been the time devoted to writing. For the past year, I have been composing my "highly anticipated debut novel." All along the way, I have fought that self-doubt that constantly gnaws at my ankles, impeding my progress. I never truly believed that anyone would be interested in my story. During the institute, I frequently shared new installments of the novel, usually to enthusiastic ears. I have received gentle, yet critical feedback on lapses in cohesion or flow. I have completed three chapters since the writing marathon - a remarkable pace for me. I have gained the courage to say that "yes, I will look for an agent and send out the manuscript. This book is viable." For that, I am forever grateful.

I am certain that I will take more away from than institute that I will leave. My teaching was in a terrible rut, the edge of which I now scale. I have worked diligently and confidently on a life-long dream, the novel. I hope that others have enjoyed the moments of levity I have offered. I hope that others will seek ways to incorporate cross-grade cooperation. I hope that, somewhere along the way, someone will buy my completed novel. Most importantly, I hope to keep my fellow members of the EMWP 2010 in my life as all of them have offered valuable lessons.

Ravinia - July 10

2010-07-10T23:29:00.004-04:00

The second leg of our journey took us to Chicago land, more precisely to Ravinia Music Festival in Highland Park. The drive from Columbus was much easier though double the time.

Ravinia is unlike any outdoor theatre I have ever encountered. We were practically the only people without several coolers and lawn chairs. It appears that most people attend concerts here with the intention of hanging out with friends on the vast lawn. I was stunned by what people were allowed to bring onto the grounds. People had small tables, lawn chairs, and one guy was carrying a full case of beer.

Once again Squeeze opened, though I wasn't surprised by this seeing as Cheap Trick is from Chicago. The set list was exactly the same as the night before, except there was time for one encore - "Pulling Mussels." The guys were far more animated tonight than in Columbus. Chris was performing his customary Chris shuffle, John was all over the stage, and again Glenn was channeling Jimi Hendrix and at one point rubbed the guitar strings on the microphone stand.

Sartorially speaking, Glenn and Chris were in the same outfits as the night before, John was dressed in purple, Simon was Simon, and Stephen treated the crowd to his spectacles and a fetching red smoking jacket.

My seats were way far at the back of the pavilion, but not for long. By the end of "Annie Get Your Gun," we had moved to the third row from the stage. Much better than being in the third to last row.

It seems, however, that at Ravinia, security frowns at people dancing in the pavilion. Two women behind in me in my "new" seats were sternly lectured and security gave me a look, too. Well, once we got to "Good-Bye Girl," I paid that directive no mind and stood up to dance, and it seemed that Chris was urging me as he looked squarely at me, and motioned with his hands to stand up. I was, of course, promptly reprimanded and I think by this time Glenn had noticed. Two songs later, three people in the middle started dancing and once security pounced on the , one of the offenders was quite snippy and was removed.

The next song was to be "Cool for Cats." Before it started Chris said something to the effect of he saw the one fellow get tossed and that everyone should stand up and dance. We did for the rest of the show and there was nothing security could do!

Well, I have to head home tomorrow, though I wish that I could attend the Cleveland show. Now I'm thinking about Hamilton in August.

Night 1 - Spot the Difference Tour Squeeze

2010-07-10T14:47:00.009-04:00

It's that time when I get to act on my favorite obsession, Glenn Tilbrook and Squeeze. They started the US leg of the Spot the Difference last night, Friday July 9 at the LC Ampitheatre in Columbus, Ohio. As usual, Laurie was Thelma to my Louise and of course we had VIP meet and greet tickets.

We pulled out of Hamtramck a little before 1:00. The ride down was harrowing at times due to the torrential rains that seems to follow us. It slowed down our travel considerably and I was (as I am wont to do) growing worried that we would miss the 5:15 deadline ominously conveyed in the VIP confirmation e-mail I had received a few days earlier. All my worries were for naught as Laurie safely delivered us to the Renaissance Downtown Columbus Hotel with 45 minutes to spare.

We quickly checked in, ran up to the room for a little freshening up, and a costume change. We were told that the venue was walking distance from the hotel, so we started afoot, but the weather turned foul once again and we opted for a cab.

We arrived 15 minutes before the 5:15 deadline and grabbed our tickets from will call. Sadly, the venue knew nothing about the meet and greet. They tried to find out and asked us to wait. So we waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. We waited an hour before a representative from the band finally came to retrieve us. She apologized profusely while taking us backstage.

As we hit the backstage area, the guys were finishing "If It's Love" in the sound check. The rain had stopped at this point. The band wandered back and immediately I could spot the difference between and Glenn Tilbrook meet and greet and a Squeeze meet and greet. A Glenn meet and greet is pretty free-wheeling while the one I experienced felt more constrained, even though no one was pushing us along. Perhaps it seemed less loose simply because it was the first night of the tour.

That said, there were several funny moments that stick out to me. The first occurred while chatting with Simon and Chris. Simon asked if I had a raincoat and I said no,but I had an umbrella. During this very brief and innocuous exchange, Chris gave Simon a slightly horrified look and said, "I thought you just asked her if she had a wanker."

I looked down at my skirt and replied, "I don't have one of those either."

Simon then insisted on telling me that a wanker is actually a bottle opener and that should I be in London, I should go in a pub and announce that I need a wanker. I told him that I was sure that every man in the bar would gladly volunteer.

The next funny moment happened shortly after Chris abruptly left. I asked where he had gone,. The band representative explained that he had gone to throw out the first pitch at the baseball at the stadium down the block. That wasn't what I heard. I swear she said he went to throw up. Glenn and John Bentley both chimed in that they had heard the same thing.

Finally, I asked Glenn and John if they would have a chance to watch the World Cup final on Sunday. Absolutely, they both smiled. John asked me who I thought would win and I said Holland and he agreed. This prompted Glenn to ask me if I had heard about the octopus in Germany that had accurately picked many of the games, including the game Germany lost to Spain. Something about the octopus (or squid) squirming around on something. Anyway, the octopus has chosen Spain as the champs.

Naturally, they had to leave, so we left to go find a spot in the general admission crowd. From the number of t-shirts, it was clear that this was a Cheap Trick crowd. The sun really broke through the clouds as the boys came on the stage and launched into "Black Coffee in Bed." Despite the heat, they were all properly attired in suits: Glenn in that lovely brown pin stripe suit her wore on Regis, Chris looked very chic in black with his shades, Stephen was dapper in a blue suit, Simon wore a vest, and John delivered the bass dressed in gray, topped with a fedora.

The rest of show was peppered with songs I hadn't heard live like "When the Hangover Strikes" and a D & T song "When Hope Fell Down." The complete 17 song set is at the end of this post. They were tight and on fire. Glenn played like the guitar god he is, duly impressing many of the nearby Cheap Trick fans. In the middle of his solo for "It's So Dirty" the two guys next to me turned to each other and said "this guy is fucking great."

As the opening act, they had no encore, so it's off to Chicago.

Play List
Black Coffee in Bed
Take Me I'm Yours
Annie Take Your Gun
When the Hangover Strikes
Loving You Tonight
If It's Love
It's So Dirty
Goodbye Girl
When Hope Fell Down
If I Didn't Love You
Cool for Cats
Is That Love
Someone Else's Heart
Up the Junction
Hourglass
Slap and Tickle
Tempted

A Lasting Lagacy

2010-07-01T13:22:00.002-04:00

A Lasting Legacy
I am at the age where I occasionally think about the end.
Inevitably, I think about how I want to be remembered.
Realistically, I understand that people will most vividly remember those last years;
So how to make those memorable?

There must be a word out there that describes the type
Of older woman I aspire to be.
The type whose grown son says,
“Mom, stop flirting with the waiter, he’s my age.”
To which I’ll reply, “But he started it.”
The type who travels the world, on her own self-guided tour
And ends up assisting in the building a school for girls in some remote village.

I ask four friends, each of whom gives me a different word.
“Plucky,” says the first. I hang up the phone and
Walk into the kitchen to retrieve the wine from the fridge.
No, I decide. It sounds too much like a puppy rescued from
A life on the streets.

“Spunky,” reads the message on my phone.
Oh no! I can’t even think of anything spunk related
Without giggling like a teenager.

A third friend offers up “perky”.
I contemplate it until I step out of the shower
And duly note that my figure has moved from
Star gazing to navel gazing.

Finally, my dearest friend suggests “moxie.”
Images of matinis, jazz bands and enticing hemlines
Swirl in front of my eyes.
Late nights filled fine meals eaten in front of fireplaces, chatting
With clever people.
Skateboarding with the grandkids before a bedtime snack
Of chocolate cake.

When that day does come, please be sure the epitaph reads
“Sister, she had moxie.”

My Presentation

2010-06-30T12:40:00.003-04:00

I am beginning to get that anxious, nauseous feeling. In about a week and a half, I have to make a presentation about some writing lesson that I have actually taught that was successful. Therein lies the problem. I am not at all certain that I have ever had a successful writing lesson. For the presentation, I must even have the research that supports my lesson. That is a laugh. No logical person would operate his/her classroom the way I operate mine - on the fly and completely half-assed. Nope I have no idea what I am going to do.

That's kind of a lie. I have a topic, I guess. The children books that my Creative Writing class did. Of course, we never quite finished because I didn't plan properly and we ran out of time. I guess I can find something about older kids mentoring younger kids and motivating students. That might be a place to start. Other than that, I'm lost and my presentation will likely be the weakest in the room.

Baaaaahhhhh. I'm having a pity party and all I need to complete the ambiance are some busted balloons and flat beer.

Writing project

2010-06-28T11:07:00.011-04:00

As I have mentioned earlier, I am participating in the National Writing Project institute at Eastern Michigan this summer. It is a four week, five days a week, from 9-3 program in which teachers from all content areas and grade levels share writing lessons based on research. What I am enjoying most right now is the opportunity to write, a lot, everyday.

Each morning starts with a writing prompt on which we write about 10 minutes. So far, all of the prompts have really struck a chord with me. I hope that you don't mind if I occasionally mine these for topics.

The prompt for the first day was, if you had to tell you life story in seven story titles, what would those titles be? Here are my seven titles:

1. Creep
2. Bizarre Love Triangle
3. I Didn't Know That There Would Be This Much Paperwork
4. Import/Export
5. Outsourcing Labor
6. Maple Keys and Airbus A380s
7. The Great Reawakening

What would be the seven titles of your life?

Two poems

2010-06-23T14:43:00.007-04:00

One way that I figure I can work up my self-confidence about publishing is to try and publish a poem. One poem published would make me feel as I have never felt in my life.

Here are two that I've recently composed. Tell me what you think.

Rain
Early morning rain
Hastens sleepy desires
Pillow calls me back

Melting

From the eaves,
remnants of long removed ivy
are visible.

One slender icicle
d
a
n
g
l
e
s
from a stubbornly clingy vine
like a mobile.

The shimmering sun glistens through
its facets, beautifully destroying its form.

We, too, dangle and will succumb to
the formalities illuminated by the light.

What a school year!

2010-06-21T10:41:00.004-04:00

I'm always one of the last people on staff to finish all my grades. I am endlessly disorganized and suffer completely from self-diagnosed ADHD. If I can find an activity, no matter how mundane, that does not involve grading papers, I'm there. Well, almost any activity. I am now in the midst of cleaning my house. I have just located the corner of the dining room side board (I think it's called that). It had been buried under a massive pile of papers for most of the school year. I'd like to publicly apologize to my son for allowing the house to become a pig sty. Of course, this is all he knows, so a mess is normal.

I've chronicled some of the events that happened this past school year. I've flipped out over the testing pressure we were all feeling. I've mentioned the fights. But good things did happen. Here are just a few.

My student teacher kicked ass. That's such an 80s thing to say, but it's true. He comes to the profession a little older (31) than most college grads and with tons of crappy job experience. He understands the value of an education and the dull monotony of dead-end jobs. I think that his passion for the job comes from his "real world" experiences. An English teacher from our school retired and while he might not get that job, if he doesn't get a job somewhere in the district, I will shake my head forelorningly (not a word, I don't care) for ages and ages hence.

My friends Laurie, Laura, and John kept me sane when I was most likely to lose all hope. They are like family to me and I would just die if any of them abandoned me at the high school. Thankfully, in two weeks Laurie accompanies me to Columbus and Chicago to see Squeeze and we have meet and greet tickets for the Columbus show. That's right Glenn Tilbrook, I'm looking at you, longingly with desire warming my soul.

Uhhh anyway, I also made new friends. For one, there's the English teacher who I had previously categorized as straight-laced. I learned better one evening over Bloody Marys as we debated the proper spelling of the adverbial form of the word "fucking." It's a great word and I'll post my thoughts on it later. Additionally, I can't forget the teacher who taught me how to play Keno while spiking my Bailey's with his Irish Catholic/Irish Protestant/Irish Buddhist whiskey. Yeah, but he plans on taking a job at the middle school next year (where, they aren't even human), so he's dead to me.

Finally, I have an awesome new Executive Board for next year's Student Council. If they can stay focused, they will give the class of 2002 a run for their top class title.

My summer starts in earnest today. I'm cleaning and straightening while I write. The National Writing project at Eastern Michigan starts on Thursday. After that, I'll be tied up with Creative Writing camp. I want to take Andrew somewhere, anywhere this summer - even for just a weekend. In the meantime, I better get back to the household chores that I've been neglecting since September.

Please proofread

2010-05-31T15:50:00.001-04:00

I am applying for a grad program in teaching writing and I need to include a personal statement with the application. Please read my statement below and tell he how it sounds. Thanks!

As a high school teacher in the state of Michigan, the most obvious reason for returning to school is to accumulate enough credits to maintain my professional license. Keeping my license up-to-date is not my sole motivation, however. I am fifteen years into my teaching career and I feel that I need some fresh, research-based strategies to improve my teaching style and help my students achieve better academic outcomes. I believe that Eastern Michigan's Teaching of Writing Certificate program will help me help my students become better writers.

From the moment I entered high school, I knew that one day I would be either a French major or an English major. Ultimately, French won my heart, but the most influential teacher I have ever had was my senior year Approaching the Arts teacher, Barb Masters. She taught her students to think critically by asking us to read difficult modern writers such as Joyce, Ginsburg, and Waldman. She stretched our vision by introducing us to visual artists like Hans Haacke and directors like Bergman. I have tried to imbue my classroom with some of the lessons I learned from Mrs. Masters. Fortunately for her, she never had to deal with the dictates of No Child Left Behind.

Teaching in Hamtramck means the large majority of my students are non-English speakers, representing about 20 different languages. From one or two Russian speakers to many Bengla speakers, Hamtramck offers challenges to educators of any background. Those students who are native speakers offer their own obstacles. Many come from homes mired in generations of poverty and low levels of literacy. Many are students who have shuttled from school to school looking for the promises that charter schools and school of choice programs make. Instead, they lose valuable time and often lose any sense of community that a neighborhood school can offer. These are my students. Most are both poor readers and writers. If that is the case, why should I focus on writing? From my experience, students will offer move active resistance to a writing task than a reading task. Reading tasks can be eased with MP3 files of the reading material or the teacher reading aloud. A writing task is the exclusive responsibility of the writer. If the writer is a student, he/she often feels overwhelmed trying to achieve perfect spelling, grammar, sentence structure, and details. If spelling is a problem or a student has no idea where to place a paragraph break, why bother trying?

Looking for help, I applied to participate in Eastern Michigan's National Writing Project. I had heard wonderful things about the National Writing Project from colleagues who have participated at other institutions. Having been accepted, I am most looking forward to sharing research writing lessons with colleagues from the all over the region. More importantly, I am looking ahead to taking further classes to assist in the teaching of writing and completing the Teaching of Writing certificate. Any information I can use to assist my students is information that I both want and need.

Inspired silliness

2010-05-01T13:40:00.005-04:00

I have just started reading J.D Salinger's Catcher in the Rye to my mainstream/special education class. So far so good, they seem to like it. I, on the other hand, am LOVING it. I had forgotten how good it is. One thing I ask the students to do is to write down an interesting or confusing quote every few pages. Thus far, they have picked some terrific quotes.

Thinking about this has, of course, distracted me. I love picking out phrases and lines from songs and movies and keeping them around. I probably have reserved precious brain space for dozens of these snippets. Some are serious while most are goofy. Here are just a few that I am certain that I know by heart:

"I'd beg for some forgiveness, but beggin's not my business."
"If you have five seconds to spare, then I'll tell you the story of my life. Sixteen, clumsy, and shy...."
"This one goes to 11."
"You're a monster."
"I'm quite illiterate, I read a lot."

What are those one line phrases that bring an immediate smile to your face whenever you encounter them?

Safe Harbor

2010-04-24T10:45:00.007-04:00

Previously, I've discussed how important test scores are to my continued career as a teacher. Well, the ACT scores are rolling in and the scenario is bleak.

Just to refresh your memory, in March all eleventh graders took a battery of tests over a three day period. The first test given was the ACT. The laws around this are astounding as students who had been in the country for as little a few weeks took these tests, including the ACT. The ACT is a very difficult test and does not test basic skills. It is a test used to make predictions about how a student will perform in college. If you can't read English in a quick, skimming manner and do that for comprehension, you will do poorly on this test.

In order to stop a state takeover of our school, we need two things to happen. First, we need our test scores to improve by 10 percent. Second, we need to NOT land in the bottom five percent of high schools in the state. There is actually a third, but I can't recall the exact details, so I've skipped it for now. Last year, our average ACT was 15 point something. In order to make a ten percent jump, and make "safe harbor" our scores needed to improve to approximately 17 percent. We are currently at 16.4 percent. I learned this last night after work at the bar. I was only drinking juice, but at that moment I really wanted to add a shot of vodka to my glass.

We need the results from the other two days of testing before our fate is finalized, but my spirit is currently waning.

Schadenfreude

2010-04-21T10:20:00.011-04:00

Normally, I do not wish ill on those I do not like, especially if young children will be impacted at some point. I do, however, have to admit to feeling a slight giggle in my soul when I read this yesterday. You see, the principal in question is my former boss. I want to share one story about this guy. I have dozens more, but those involve other people and I don't have their permission to tell their stories.

The story starts in the November before Andrew came home. Our home study had just been approved by Ontario and was in the process of being translated into Chinese. Out of no where, a co-worker and his wife adopt a domestically born baby girl. Their process had been far more covert and it seems that paperwork from the employer was not needed. For Andrew's adoption, I needed to supply a letter of recommendation from my direct supervisor and a letter from HR stating my salary and length of employment. The sudden news shook me up a little and I found myself in anxious tears and even feeling guilty about crying at their happiness. Of course, I wasn't actually crying at their happiness, just at my own situation. I was even terrified to attend the first staff meeting after their bundle arrived because I couldn't handle all the emotions seeing of cooing co-workers and the delivery of baby gifts. Thankfully, the new parent wasn't there and a number of other teachers seemed to sense my anxiety. I remember quite distinctly a veteran English teacher gently grabbing my arm and sincerely asking me how I was doing. Of course I dissolved into tears. I crawled to a corner and sniffled into a tissue for the whole meeting.

Perhaps ten minutes after the meeting was adjourned, I was in my classroom, preparing to leave when a friend of mine came to my room. She told me that the principal (the guy mentioned in the article) asked her "Why was TC crying?" She, as best as she could, explained that the recent adoption news had hit me pretty hard. He replied, "What, why? She jealous?" My head spun, I just couldn't believe it. I work in a small district where I have worked hard to earn the respect of people at all levels of the hierarchy. This sometimes helps me open doors that others can't even find and I was able to make an appointment with the superintendent the very next day. At this meeting, he assured me that I would immediately receive an apology letter.

I don't know how many days passed, but a typed letter did eventually show up in my school mailbox. It said something to the effect of "sorry you were offended." Two more letters, with the same sentiment were tried. Two months later, the superintendent, the principal, my union president, and I sat down in my classroom. After an hour of I can't remember what, my union president exasperatedly asked,"Are you going to to say sorry or what?" Like a child forced to apologize for hitting a sibling, he said something that resembled sorry and he and I spoke less than 15 times in the next four years. That's amazingly low considering that I was and still am the Student Council adviser.

This is just one story. I could regale you with the time he told a student I was bullshit because I taped the pep rally plans to his door. Or about the time he told other people in the district that he had the worst staff in the district. Or the time he actually told his staff that he didn't "do e-mail." Or the way he pounded his chest and slapped hands with some of the biggest, most violent assholes in the building and allowed them to call him "Vic." But I can feel the hate in my soul rising to a dangerous level.

You see, I took a leave last year and I told everyone that it was because Andrew was starting school. It was really because I was going to break and my whole being was consumed with rage toward this moron. I am in a much better place mentally because of my decision.

To reunion or not to reunion, that is the question

2010-04-06T09:39:00.007-04:00

I was a very shy and anonymous teenager. I did not play any sports, instead I took pictures of athletes for the school paper. I can't even describe how much happier I felt isolated in the darkroom than with my peers. I always felt that everyone was smarter and more attractive than me, with a much brighter future. If you gave me a million dollars to safely travel back in time to high school, I would think about the offer for a loooooong time and ultimately, I might just turn it down.

I had friends. I have sadly lost touch with them and even sadder, my very best friend from high school died in a car accident about four years after we graduated. I know that there are people from high school I'd like to see, they just did not necessarily graduate the same year as me. My graduating class was almost 700 strong (I went to an enormous suburban sprawl school) and my closest friends did not graduate with me. Some graduated from the other school across the campus (there were two schools on our campus at that time and everyone had classes in both buildings) and some graduated other years. All I really remember about graduation is that The Smiths were performing that night and my parents wouldn't let me go because of my/their graduation party.

The date, location, and cost for my 25th reunion have just been announced. The cost is reasonable - $35. I know where it is. The date is an unknown for me yet as a certain British pop band has yet to release their US tour dates. If the date is clear, I suppose I could go. But, just thinking about it makes my stomach churn. While I am most certainly no longer shy and anonymous, I just can't think of a smashing reason to attend. First, I don't really know any of the people who have taken on the task of planning this reunion. We personally have no high school memories to share and to look back upon fondly. They are nice enough people who felt motivated to plan a huge party. Second, I don't see too many familiar faces on the Facebook group for my class. So, I don't know the planners and I don't know the people who currently know about this event. That just sounds like a recipe for a long night, too much wine, and way too many Michael Jackson songs.

Have any of you attended a reunion? How did it go? Give me a good reason to go, if there isn't a Squeeze concert competing against it (oh, the reunion will lose to the concert, hands down).

Ahhhh, the joys of spring!

2010-03-21T15:27:00.013-04:00

Sadly, the bursting forth of buds, the twitter of returning birds, and the lengthening of days has also ushered in a rush of testosterone and a complete lack of civility. If it's spring, let the fighting begin.

In the last 10 years, I can honestly say that spring brings us two to four large scale fights, that when one is in the middle of it, feels like a riot. By large scale, I mean more than 10 kids fighting with the rest of the stupid student body crowding around cheering on the mayhem. In a school like mine, these fights almost always break along racial/ethnic lines. Probably for the last nine years, the African-American students and the Arabic students have been the main combatants. When questioned, of course nobody can explain why these two groups have such an intense springtime hatred of one another. All I know is that it will lead to everyone being in a shitty mood and a jail-like atmosphere being imposed on the student body as a whole.

On Friday, the first big fight broke out, but I have no idea when or where. Of course, ultimately, the situation can be traced back to a bad decision by an administrator. The senior class apparently still needs to raise money for its prom and thus requested a dodgeball tournament. By the way, according to the assistant principal, dodgeball is banned from schools in the state of Michigan. The principal approved it anyway. Tickets would be sold for two or three bucks and the tournament would be held during second and third hour. Yes, you read that correctly, students could pay a couple of buck and miss two classes. What a bargain!!! That's another pet peeve of mine, but an entirely different conversation. The kiddies went over to the building that contains the gym (it is a separate building) and surprise, surprise, there were a number of outsiders, drop-outs, and garden variety thugs hanging around. It is my understanding that some of those darlings sneaked into the event. This is where the details get a little hazy for me. At some point, a melee broke out in the bleachers and some students tumbled down the bleachers while others ran for the doors. The fight spilled outside and then into the parking lot. At this point, we have a riot on our hands. Some kids are beating the shit out of each other, while others are running around without their shirts - whooping and hollering. I was with my class, the only nine that hour who had not bought tickets. We witnessed the arrival of two ambulances and a number of cop cars and heard the announcement that were on lockdown. My student teacher took a walk to see what was up and he said it was a mess. I then wandered to the office where I saw one boy who has never been in a lick of trouble holding an ice pack to his head. He had a giant welt in the middle of his forehead because someone thought to try and drive his head through the ground. Apparently he had been jumped one other time out on the streets.

The students from the dodgeball tournament were ushered into the auditorium where our prinicpal told them that he wasn't going to suspend anybody!!!! By this time, the lunch hour had come around, the bells were turned off, and cops were all over the building (eight by my count). My student teacher and I stood outside the lunchroom ushering kids to the right spots, making sure there was no lingering. Sadly, the police were no help.

I know that a cop's job is tough and dangerous, but sometimes they simply make a situation worse. I asked one boy where he was going and he didn't respond. I teach high school, so I'm quite used to being ignored. Well, a cop grabbed the kid by his shirt and brought him to me. I asked him for his teacher's name and in very broken English told me the name of an ESL teacher. I told him to hurry to class and then I told one of the officers that the student didn't speak English. the cop chuckled and said, "Well, he will today." Idiot.

The rest of the day was tense and calm. Unfortunately, 13 years of experience tell me that we are not over the hump. Hell, we might not even be able to see the top of the hump at the moment. All I know was that today was a peaceful day and for that I am grateful.

Testing Day 1

2010-03-09T20:40:00.006-05:00

"Do not look back in your answer document. Do not look at the test that follows. Do no smile (this is serious business). Do not question authority. Do not think, just color in those little ovals like your very life depends on it."

Actually, my life depends on those bubbles, that isn't your problem.

Today, juniors across the state of Michigan participated in the first of three days of testing. The treat today was the ACT. The ACT consists of five timed tests: English (75 questions/45 minutes), Math (60 questions/60 minutes), Reading (40 questions/35 minutes), Science (40 questions/35 minutes), and Writing (one essay/30 minutes). Illinois and Kentucky also use the ACT as their statewide test.

The rules for the ACT are quite strict. Students are to be seated three feet apart from each other. No cell phones or other electronic devices (except calculators for the math). No reading material. No food or beverages. Here is my first issue. Water hydrates the body and mind. It can help keep you sharp and alert. I know that if I don't drink enough water in a day, I will feel more tired than usual. I do understand that a bottle of water can spill and cause a distraction. I also know that drinking water can greatly increase the urgency to use the bathroom (thus losing testing time). But testing conditions are no way realistic or conducive to optimal performance. If I am hungry or thirsty, those are the thoughts that will consume my mind.

The ACT nazis prevent me from disclosing any questions I may have seen on the test, including the essay. All I'll say is that it is a long day. The students in my room seemed to be taking the test quite seriously and were really trying to answer all the questions. Unfortunately, on all of the multiple choice tests, it seems that of the 20 students in the room, only nine or ten actually finished. From walking around the room, it seems that the majority of the students filled in one bubble spot once the five minute warning was given. By that, I mean that students were told (and told and told) in advance that if they are unable to finish all the questions, color in either the second or third oval. Sadly, it seems that the students in my room filled in the first bubble, so our chances for good scores are pretty remote for many of my students.

Tomorrow's test, WorkKeys. This is also created by the ACT people, but is simpler and an employment skills test. It will slos be s shorter day.

Test anxiety

2010-03-06T20:24:00.008-05:00

On March 9,10, and 11, all the juniors in the state of Michigan will take a battery of tests. The first test they take will be the ACT, which is essentially a college entrance exam. The second day's test will be comprised of WorkKeys, which is an employment skills test, and the last day is the Michigan MME. Some secret formula of these three tests will determine if a school achieves something called Adequate Yearly Progress (AYP). That means a school has met the numerical benchmarks set by the federal law No Child Left Behind (NCLB). Test scores, graduation rates, and test day attendance all determine if a school makes AYP. If a school goes six years without making the numbers, all members of the teaching and administrative staff can be fired and the school can than be turned over to a private (and in Michigan, this means for-profit) management firm to run a charter school. My school is at this stage.

I will fill in the numbers and statistics later in the week, but at this moment, my level of anxiety is through the roof. There has not been a day this week that I have not cried. I can't sleep and if it's not junk food, my appetite has been non existent. I don't know what I would do if I lost my job. To be honest, my district is, from top to bottom, completely dysfunctional. In my 13 years, I have had seven superintendents, four principals, and five assistant principals. I have not been observed since 1999. At this point in my career, I have no clue if I am the least bit competent at my job. My ego says I'm doing a decent job, but my ego is a pathological liar. When I started teaching American Literature 10 years ago, there were no copies of either The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn or The Grapes of Wrath in the school. I don't know what the hell students were reading. I went to every used bookstore in Metro Detroit and bought every copy I could. On one hand, I know that my culturally disparate students have probably benefited from reading those books and having a common American cultural touchstone with other American students, but have I done those works of art justice? I don't know.

We won't know if our school moves from failing to passing until July. Every pressing decision in my life is on hold, causing more anxiety. I try not to discuss it at work because we are all feeling the load on our shoulders. Even the agnostics and atheists (a party of at least one) on staff are probably saying silent prayers. If I don't discuss it at work, I don't discuss it at all. My isolation in a foreign land has become a locked closet. I know this is yet another issue to handle, but at the moment, I can barely handle laundry and dishes on the same day.

The news of the firing of all the teachers at Central Falls High School in Rhode Island has not helped. There is much that we in Hamtramck have in common with Central Falls. High rate of poverty, a large population of non-English speakers, and a transient population are just a few of the issues we share. More on that later this week.

In the meantime, I will spend the weekend reading many wonderful narrative written by the students in AP Literature and Composition. These will lift my spirits, at least until Moday.

Windsor Writers' Group

2010-02-23T21:47:00.008-05:00

I've just gotten back from the first meeting of the Windsor Writers' Group. It was held at Pause Cafe in downtown. Technically, the cafe was closed, but the owner (whose name I can't recall) held it open just for us.

I am very bad at guesstimating crowd sizes, but certainly more than 20 people were in attendance. I had to chuckle as it appeared that I was one of the younger people in the crowd. That's really saying something for a middle-aged English teacher. The meeting was organized by Lenore of Cranberry Press and Elaine of Walkerville Press, both local self-publishing companies. They both mentioned that the city of Windsor had not had a proper writer's community, but small pockets of writers who regularly got together. This meeting was an attempt to bring many writers together for mutual support and idea sharing.

There was a fair amount of discussion about what people were looking for from a writers' group. Not everyone shared, but the loud-mouth that I am, I tossed in my two cents. It was decided that the people in the group would e-mail their ideas to Elaine and Lenore. For example, should poets just meet with poets and prose writers just with prose writers? How would the group come back as a whole to share or hold readings? Hopefully, all of those issues will get hashed out quickly and the writers can really sit down and get to work.

I am really looking forward to this group for a lot of reasons. One, it's important to be reminded that others are struggling with some of the same issues as me. Whether it's writer's block or that eternal struggle between balancing work, child-rearing, and the writing passion, we all suffer at one time or another. why reinvent the wheel when others can offer valid help. Moreover, I hope to make real connections in this group. Not working in Windsor doesn't give me a natural entree into the Windsor social scene and I've been relying on others to help me. Frankly, after eight years of living here, I still basically know no one. That's my fault and I hope to rectify that by meeting people with common interests.

Since the concert on Friday, I've written quite a bit. I "finished" Chapter Seven and I started the eighth. I find that I need a fair amount of external stimulus to help my brain generate ideas. If I spend too much time in my own brain, I get mired in stale musty cobwebs. I hope that just getting out of my normal routine and talking about writing will shake things up for me a bit.

Having said all that, I am looking forward to the next meeting.

Patti Smith at St. Andrew's

2010-02-20T12:51:00.010-05:00

One of those goals I set for myself this year was to attend a few concerts (the non-Tilbrook kind). Last night, I kicked it old school (such a ridiculous phrase I just had to write it) and went to St. Andrew's on Congress in Detroit to see the legendary Patti Smith. Going into the show, I knew very little of her music, but I did know that she is a poet, had been on the cutting edge of the emergent US punk scene, and had married Fred Smith - guitarist from the legendary Detroit band the MC5. If you don't know the name of the band, you are likely to know their most famous lyric, "Kick out the jams motherfuckers." To be honest, I really only knew one song, "Because the Night," a song she had written with Bruce Springsteen and she recorded. Tickets were only $20, so I thought that was a bargain to see a legend and to hand out in St. Andrew's, so I dragged my girlfriend Laurie and we went.

We had dinner at Sweet Water Tavern. It's a BBQ place, so an odd choice for this beginning vegetarian. Luckily they had fish and chips on the menu, and it was quite delicious. From there, we walked across the street to St. Andrew's. All ticket holders were sent around to the back and sent down into the Shelter (oh my, those were the days) to wait to go up to the show. Considering that the gross majority of the audience consisted of aging punkers 40 or older, I'm sure we were sent in to save us from the nippy winter air.

I wasn't watching the time, but I figure we were in The Shelter for about 15 minutes before being sent up stairs to stake out a spot. At this point, my back started hurting quite badly and I truly thought that I wasn't going to make it to the concert. We eased our way over to the bar and at least I could brace myself against that for a while.

The opening act came on around 8:45. It was Patti's daughter and son-in-law. She played keyboards and he played vibraphone and sang. The music was remarkably lullabyesque and threatened to put us to sleep. From those around us, there was a general polite tolerance for the opening act. They seemed to play for about 45 minutes.

Finally, at 10, Patti Smith and her band hit the stage to thunderous. Much of the music was familiar to be, but I did not know the names. I just know that the woman on stage in the hate, long dark hair, man's sport coat, and t-shirt kicked ass. She told the story of how "Because the Night" came to be written and reason behind the line "love is a ring, the telephone." Apparently she sat up very late one night waiting for Sonic (Fred Smith) to call her, which he eventually did - five hours late. One surprise highlight for me was her cover of Jim Carrol's "People Who Died." I know that I haven't bounced and danced like that in forever.

The show ended with an amazing finale. She performed an astounding cover of "Gloria" which then merged into "People Have the Power." Throughout the evening, she exhorted us Detroiters to take back our city and to bring it out of these hard times.

The one funny crowd story I want to share involves some people we met and started to hang out with during the evening: two women and one man. At some point, I looked over at one of the women and she was talking with a young man who was, uh, um constructing some smoking material for her! I looked at someone who had squeezed in next to me and she looked at me and we both just smiled. I went back to enjoying the show and I could smell the smoking material to my right and I knew the transaction had been completed. The material had been passed off behind us when I noticed the bouncer coming our way. I tried to impede his progress, but he was a much bigger person than I and pushed right past me. He got to the guy (a stranger) who now had the smoking material and took him away. This is the funny part, ten minutes later, the smoking guy came back with a huge smile on his face. Apparently, he had been allowed to finish his smoking material and come back to the show with no further consequences.

Who doesn't love sex, drugs, and rock n' roll?

Digital age problem update

2010-02-18T22:00:00.003-05:00

I wrote a very simple happy birthday on said person's wall. I took a peek to see if she had removed it ( I don't know why I thought that). She had replied with a thank you to every other birthday wish - except mine.

Well. isn't that interesting?

A digital age problem

2010-02-16T14:15:00.003-05:00

I am really quite bad a remembering birthdays. Unless I am specifically reminded or we have made plans, I will forget your birthday. I know that on some levels that makes me a shitty friend.

Here is an example of technology to the rescue. Facebook reminds a person of all his/her "friends'" birthdays. Now, it's easy to write a superficial "happy birthday" on someone's wall. Plus, when it's your special day, you'll feel the FB wall love yourself. Now, what happens if the friend with a birthday is a real life friend with whom you have recently had a silent falling out?

I don't want to get too far into the details, but this is a person whom I considered sister-like and my son adores her and she him. The cause of the falling out is inconsequential, but considering where I think my life may be headed, the rift is likely irreparable. The question is: do I write a quick "happy birthday" on this person's wall. I would very much like to retain this person's friendship and love, but does this reach out a tentative hand to aid in that endeavor?

Still alive

2010-02-08T20:56:00.003-05:00

I totally have the mid-winter blahs. I go through this every year. I feel like I have nothing to offer the world and I should crawl under a blanket and stay there. I'll get over it, but I think that I need to sneak away for a long weekend and curl up with a book and my book and see what happens.

Perhaps in the meantime, I will begin to plan my big European tour for my 45th birthday. I think that I have the team assembled: Laurie, Laura, and Amy. We've got our destinations" one week in London, one week and a bit in Paris, one week in Ireland, and a couple of lost days consuming brownies in Amsterdam. The trip isn't until the summer of 2012, but I'm so excited at the prospect of seeing these wonderful places, I can hardly contain myself. I think it's time to start assigning research jobs to everyone so we can get a sense of the cost and properly save. That and a road trip should pick up my wintry soul.

Cheese please

2010-01-31T12:04:00.004-05:00

Last year, I started a tradition with Andrew. Every Sunday, he and I go the the cheese market to purchase cheese that he will take as a snack to school. Before I go further, I have to tell you that Andrew has always (or almost always) had an adventurous palate. He loves olives and beans of all sorts. I have been very lucky that he is not a picky eater. It makes planning meals much easier.

Anyway, he and I go every Sunday to choose his snack cheese for the week. The people at the cheese shop are super nice and will give customers a small taste of a cheese if requested. This is an essential part of our tradition. Andrew points to a cheese and politely asks for a taste. We get a taste and he proclaims that he either likes it or not. If he does, we purchase enough for a week's worth of snacks. He, true to his adventurous nature, does not stick with the simple cheddar cheeses of the world. Nope, has tried everything from Wesleydale (with a variety of fruits inside) to some strong Dutch cheese, that most adults can't handle. He has had dozens of world cheeses and has liked them all. I really need to remind myself to keep track of all of them.

Today at the market, he declared that he wanted brie for lunch (oh, okay, twist my arm) and that for snack, he wanted a French cheese, that he had NOT tried before, that also contained no wine. I thought the ladies behind the counter were going to bust a gut. Then, he asked me to read the signs that were at the top of the display case. He did not wish to hear about the Canadian cheeses nor the Quebecois cheeses. The next sign said French and this was our stop. I read through the list and nothing caught his attention until the last one- Chaumes. It was of course, the most expensive French cheese available. We tried it and it was lovely, so I dug in my pocket and bought 6 ounces, along with some fancy crackers. I have a feeling that my kid is the only one in his class to not bring string cheese to school and I am way beyond okay with that.

I know that I can't bring them home with me, but...

2010-01-26T20:40:00.008-05:00

Over my 15 year teaching career, I have had far too many students with heartbreaking stories. No child should have to experience what these babies had to endure. There was the boy whose mother was a prostitute who was murdered in a hotel. There were the sisters who witnessed their father kill their mother and then himself. There are the far too many to count kids with addicts for parents. There was the kid whose mom called him an asshole in front of me. With all of them, I have tried my best to be both sympathetic and empathetic, without giving up my own comforts and life, because I know how it easy it would be to try and take on their burdens.

Today, I gave a student a ride home. He is a special education student with a reading level around 3rd grade. I've been trying to work with him, but he has been very reluctant. He is a very nice young man, who occasionally acts far too impulsively and immaturely. He has no parents. Well, after giving birth to a series (4 or 5) of babies, his mother lost custody of them. I haven't even attempted to ask him about his dad, though I will. This young man with a big cheery smile has raised himself. Sure he's been in foster care and boys' homes, but as he told me today, he has taught himself all the survival skills he currently possesses. That doesn't make me feel very good.

He does not live in Hamtramck (where I actually teach), but in Detroit. He has not always lived in this current location, but this looks like it's going to be home for a while. He usually catches a ride or the bus, which is a hell of a ride. I think that he said he had to be on the bus by 6 a.m. if he is going to be on time for the 7:50 start. As we drove to his street, the main street became rougher looking, with fewer and fewer open store fronts. I was too busy chatting and driving, but I did not see anything that resembled a major grocery store. When we approached his street, he warned me to be sure to go slow, because there were huge potholes and sure enough, there was a construction barrel in the middle of the street, sitting in a hole about three feet wide and a half-foot deep. I didn't count, but at least 90 percent of the homes were abandoned and boarded up. He told me that he never goes outside in this neighborhood because some crackhead will start harassing him. When he gets home from wrestling, he goes in the house and watches t.v. Homework doesn't happen because his skills are too low and he lives alone - no adult supervision. This is the first year that he has been my student and he did not start off in our system. He is supposed to graduate in June. What will he do? I want to wrap him up, bring him home, and make sure that someone finally looks out for him. I can't, but he will be my project for the rest of the year. He cannot leave high school with so few options.

He's just one kid. Now think about a city like Detroit where the poverty rate in through the roof. How do we let our babies down like this?

One of those women

2010-01-25T17:19:00.005-05:00

When I got married, I decided to NOT change my last name. I cannot really say why, I just did not want to. I like my last name. It is funny how here in the 21st century people will still not fully accept a woman for making that decision.

At the time, the wife of a friend asked me, basically, what my problem was. My mother hyphenated all the mail she sent to my house. My friends also hyphenated my name. Heck, sometimes my friends, who knew my decision, would send a card to me with my husband's last name. I understood older people, for example my mother-in-law, but I just did not understand those people under fifty, especially women.

Even better is if I cross the border with Andrew alone. He and his father have the same last name. The Homeland Security officers often ask me why I have a different last name. I usually try to lighten the mood, rather than snap, and explain that I am one of THOSE women. That actually works. Is there still a stigma attached to women who do not change their names after marriage?

Now what

2010-01-13T20:04:00.007-05:00

I had an appointment with an editor today and I am currently more confused than I had been previously.

I made the appointment because I wanted some neutral third party feedback. A couple of my friends from school and a writer friend have read my book, but who among them will tell me to get my damn verbs in order or tell me that my characters are flat. I might cry upon hearing those words, but if that is the case (and I know that my verb tenses are a mess) than I need to hear it.

This editor works at home and is currently editing a full-length non-fiction book. I can only imagine that a task like that is enormous. She asked me about my story and I told her and the reaction was, well, nothing. Not even a hint that my story might spark some interest in people outside of the teaching profession. I have always realized that my target audience might be too narrow, but I have been working hard at keep teacher-talk to a minimum.

She gave it a cursory glance, told me that my beginning was a little confusing and could be stronger. Okay, fair. That was it. I did not expect her to read all 31 pages that I brought, but I thought that a glace at each chapter might be in order.We then talked about the process, how extensive the notes would be, cost, and a time frame. I don't expect to be done with the book until next December. I could not, however, expect any feedback from her until March. I did not sign a contract, and I am glad, because I am having some second thoughts.

Should I look for an editor with a little more time? Should I look for one that seems to show a hint of interest in the story? I just don't know.

Goals, not resolutions

2010-01-01T05:49:00.005-05:00

A resolution sounds so definitive. That is why I don't make New Year's resolutions. I usually end up completely disappointed in myself for breaking these grand proclamations. What I prefer to do is to set some reasonably attainable goals and see how that goes.

My first goal is to finish the novel by the end of 2010. I am currently in chapter seven and I need to go back and fill in some research. I'm not worried about that. I need to try and give myself 30 minutes 3 or 4 times a week to write. Ideally, I would write everyday, but I'm trying to be reasonable.

Another goal is to have more Andrew and momma dates. Since I've returned to work, I've become completely bogged down in grading, planning, or recovering. I have not spent time with Andrew the way I'd like, so that will change.

I'd like to read more, primarily non-school books. I'm hoping to be able to get through a book every month, either fiction or non-fiction. Again, since school started, I hardly have time to read the paper and that has to stop.

When I was in high school, I lived and breathed music. I knew the coolest bands not on regular radio. I'd like to discover a few of those bands this year. If a radio station plays Lady Gaga, then it won't play the bands I want to hear. If you've got any suggestions, I'll take them. Also in the category of music, I would love to attend four or five non-Tilbrook concerts. Of course, I'd settle for two Tilbrook Detroit area shows.

There are a gazillion jobs to do here in my old house. Many of them can be done without the aid of a contractor. Alas, they remain undone. I have decided to just do them myself and if I can't I am going to hire someone who can.

Finally, after attending my uncle's funeral, I realize that there are three cousins with whom I'd really like to reconnect. I'm going to work hard to make that happen.

Do you make resolutions or set goals for a new year? What are they?

2009 Redux

2009-12-28T06:18:00.003-05:00

The third big event of 2009 occurred in the area of health. This was the year that I discovered that I have spinal osteoporosis. I felt devastated for quite a while after the diagnosis, like roll me into that nursing home. But, unlike my grandmother who up and quit when she broke her hip, I wanted to do what I could to get better.

I hit the gym. Weight bearing exercises are good for the bones, so I went three to four times a week. Then, once spring arrived, I walked in the morning and worked out after Andrew went to bed. I started to feel great and the weight fell off. From January to August, I dropped 30 pounds. That might be my proudest accomplishment.

I can't quite maintain that schedule now that I am back to work. I get to the gym twice a week and I try to exercise a little at home. I still have to worry about my back, especially now that winter is here; I can't risk falling on the ice. It's still a drag to have this old ladies' condition. Now, if I can just hold off the need for bifocals, I can maintain the illusion of youth.

2009's greatest hits con't

2009-12-22T21:03:00.009-05:00

Aside from my leave, the single biggest event in my life was Andrew's diagnosis of autism. From time to time, I still feel overwhelmed at the whole prospect of have a special needs child - even one who is categorized as mildly autistic.

When we started on this journey, Andrew was really struggling in school. He played almost exclusively with the parapro aligned to him. He still played exclusively in parallel with his peers as opposed to with them. He had never spontaneously told me that he loved me.

So much has changed since June. He actively plays with the other boys at daycare. He shares and verbally interacts, albeit in a limited manner. School is still a bit of a struggle, at least socially. He is, however, in a large class - 34 little bodies. He often zones out and can't focus when there is too much activity happening around him.

He still struggles with eye contact. I'm quite certain that making eye contact will be a long term project for Andrew. He also continues to be obsessed with pinching my thighs and arms and .... That is a behavior that has to cease before he gets too big and someone clocks him one.

Verbally he has just soared. He will sometimes tell me he loves me, especially when he wants to to stay and "sleep" with him. We provide him with a concrete script for social situations and he seems to really appreciate it. If he has enough practice with these scripts, they become part of his routine and he is often able to use them without prompting from momma.

Naturally, I still worry about my baby. Many situations will simply be more complicated for him to maneuver on his own. It seems as though we will always have to practice before entering new situations and practice often. That's okay, though. We just keep plugging away and he gets a little better and little more independent everyday.

2009 - a year so fine?

2009-12-20T09:52:00.009-05:00

Lately, the papers and other media are replete with stories reviewing 2009. Seeing as I desperately desire to break into the writing business, I thought that I should add my two cents on the subject. The biggest event for me in 2009 was my sabbatical.

Andrew started school in the fall of 2008 and took the whole 2008-2009 school year off. By the time January rolled around, I had realized that I was not meant to be a stay-at-home mom. I was deeply depressed and bored. Due to the loss of my salary, we had no money and I was constantly worried about the debt we had incurred over the previous three years. I did not express these concerns aloud and instead internalized it all.

Despite those negatives, I would have to say that taking a year off from my job was the best career decision I have ever made. I am not sure that I would be able to continue as a teacher if I had worked last year. I work in a high stress, high needs, low resource school district and I felt ready to snap by the time June 2008 rolled around. The place still makes me crazy, but, I feel that I have gained a better perspective on the insanity. It doesn't quite roll of my back like water from a duck, but at least the acid reflex has not returned.

As a mom, the year proved to me that I am a good mother. Previously, I had my doubts. Andrew was happy and healthy. He and I bonded in a manner that had not existed before I took this sojourn. There were, naturally, obstacles that emerged. I now feel far more confident to tackle the hard times than I had before.

Would I ever take another year off? Our contract allows one more leave. Depending on my circumstances, I might consider it. I would have a plan to beat back the depression and Andrew will of course be older. But, I sense that there are many changes on my horizon that will make this decision for me.

For C.D.W.

2009-12-05T20:30:00.005-05:00

I was quite recently chided by a self-proclaimed "faithful reader" that I needed to provide some content here on the old blog. It's another Saturday night spent at home contemplating school work and drinking Bailey's, so I'm game.

Perhaps an up-date on the novel would be apropos this evening. I am into chapter six and I find that I need to do a fair bit of research to complete the chapter. I need to research cabins and wooded areas in the northern Lower Peninsula. I saw the season's first snow flakes, so I guess I will wait until spring for that bit of research.

I have been in contact with an editor who is willing to look over what I have written thus far and make suggestions. The editor also runs a self-publishing company, which is how I think I will publish the book once it is done. Two published writers have looked over some early chapters and have given me useful feedback. One thing that everyone seems to like is my use of dialogue and how it seems to jump off the page.

I will probably try to plunk out a few words tonight. Vacation will be a wonderful thing because I plan on writing everyday.

I will leave my readers with a serious question, not driven by any alcohol consumption. If two characters in the book are sexually involved, how explicit should the description be? Currently, I have included two scenes in the book that explicitly imply that sex is imminent, but I leave out the salacious details. Your thoughts would be most welcome.

An interesting dinner party

2009-11-26T14:16:00.005-05:00

I'm supposed to be grading papers right now. Scratch that, I always have papers to grade, but I needed to take a break from this completely mundane task. I haven't been here in a while because I was tired of my own continual whining that I found coming out of my fingertips. I decided to wait until I had something more interesting to say until I wrote again. I don't really have anything interesting, but for many, this is a weekend of big meals and company. I thought that it might be interesting to create a list of interesting guests we would like to have at a dinner party. The people need not be famous, just interesting.

My first choice would be my high school English teacher, Mrs. Masters. First and foremost, I would want to talk with her about all the changes in education that have occurred. I'm sure that she would have viewed this new emphasis on testing as anathema to true education.

Allen Ginsberg would be second on my list. He would have great stories and I always found him to be very engaging. And yes, the meal would be vegetarian.

Next on the list would be Harry Shearer. He was in This is Spinal Tap and he has done dozen of voices on The Simpsons. Between him and Ginsburg, I'm not sure that the laughter would stop.

Terry Gross would have to be at my dinner. I am often terrible at small talk and she does it for a living. She makes everyone sound so smart.

I should pick a novelist here, perhaps Atwood or Twain, but I'm afraid that my dinner needs some erudite eye candy - for me. I have two choices in my head and I'm going to go with...George Clooney. He's liberal and articulate and well-dressed and manly. Ginsberg would probably give George googly eyes, whereas he might leave GT alone, but George wins on this one because I have not yet met him.

I noticed that my list is hopelessly US-centric and I wasn't really expecting that. Maybe you could recommend me to some more worldly voices.

Now Accepting Bids for Mid-Life Crisis Sponsors

2009-10-18T16:09:00.025-04:00

Much of what I have written in the past year seems to deal with a overall feeling of malaise that encompasses my world. It's clear that I must be suffering from some type of identity crisis. I know that I can pinpoint some of my feelings to a direct source; some of which I can discuss and some of which will need to remain locked in a vault. Much of what I am experiencing, however, feels hazy. Therefore, I can only guess that, at 42, the much maligned mid-life crisis has descended upon me. I suppose I could go find someone who would prescribe a plethora of anti-depressants for me. That idea seems highly distressing. If I'm going to have a mid-life crisis that requires me to find myself, I might as well have as much fun as I can. Sadly, I am but a poor school teacher. To be honest, I make a pretty good salary. Unfortunately, much of which could help me relieve the symptoms of this mid-life crisis, not unlike medicine, is expensive. Traveling, more educational opportunities, attending cultural events, and exploring new hobbies are all part of my plan to help me come to terms with the life I have led to this point,make spiritual sense of my world and my being, a to create and road map for the remainder of time I have left.

This is where you, an interested corporate sponsor can help. You might wonder why should my company sponsor you? I have a number of fine qualities that should appeal to a demographic that is currently at or about to enter its peak earning cycle. To begin, I am highly educated. I earned a B.A. in French, with a strong minor in English at Alma College, a small liberal arts college with an excellent reputation. After completing my degree, I worked a variety of jobs, none of which were satisfying. These jobs, however, did give me a strong appreciation for what the working class in our society experiences and I developed a deep empathy for service workers in general. I tip extremely generously (this particular characteristic might be of special interest to those in the food industry. You could greatly improve the morale of your dining room staff if you choose to underwrite a portion of my mid-life crisis). After earning my teaching certificate and working in socio-economically deprived districts for a few years, I returned to school to earn an M.A. in Humanities. From this program, I grew to love art history, historic architecture, and even opera. Thanks to my love of reading, I am fully capable of holding an intelligent conversation about any of these topics and I am very happy to learn more.

Another quality that should interest the potential corporate sponsor is my connection to the youth market. As a teacher, I interact with 150 teenagers a day. I have an excellent reputation as fair minded and academically challenging. I also have an excellent rapport with many of my students. From a marketing point of view, I could have an advantage over traditional advertising in swaying students to consider certain products over others. Many students view traditional advertising with a cynical eye. Product information from a trusted teacher is far less invasive and can be targeted directly to students most likely to be interested in the product. Under no circumstances can any portion of a lesson plan be sponsored.

Yet another attractive quality that I can offer any corporate sponsor is a high level of flexibility. Let's say, for instance that you are an 80s pop band named Squeeze. The range of services I could offer are wide. For a week on tour with the band, I would gladly sell merchandise. I am petite, and attractive - assets that can only help in the realm of sales. This is an offer that should be taken immediately before those assets drop. I am able to take on such a task because my husband is fully capable of handling our son for long stretches of time on his own. I don't worry that the house will burn down and laundry will eventually get done.

A final reason your company should sponsor my mid-life crisis is that I am technologically savvy enough to broadcast my mid-life adventures in a broad range of mediums. I am a writer who is capable of producing essays highlighting my exploits. I would most certainly compose a memoir recounting my mid-life crisis. I have this blog, which I advertise on my Facebook page. I have an account on youtube and would be more than willing to post videos of my experiences using your product. Finally, I am articulate enough to handle any radio or television interviews.

I would like to end by thanking you for your interest in my mid-life crisis. I hope that we have an opportunity to discuss how your entity and my mid-life crisis can help each other reach their maximum potentials.

UPDATE: Here is the link to the eBay listing for Sponsor this Mid-Life Crisis.
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=250516463129