I'm fighting writer's block.
Maybe it's really writer's apprehension
My mind is full of jumbled
mumbled
thoughts.
Some of them bad.
I can't put them to paper.
The old adage tells us that
"the pen is mightier than the sword."
Breathing life into my incoherent
naughty thoughts could kill someone.
That would be messy.
Oh,
to have the money to make
a frivolouspurchasethatcoulddistractmefor
a few hours
OOOO. Look! Shiny!
Instead, I build a wall.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
This sucks
I am 41 years old. I have never been one of those women who thinks that shaving a few years off her age is as natural as shaving her legs. Unfortunately, my body is much older than 41.
About 14 years ago, my cycle was very erratic. To be honest, I was living a rather...rambunctious lifestyle. Every time I missed a period, or it was late, I feared that I was about to become a single mother. I was also just starting my teaching career and experiencing high levels of stress. I mentioned my concerns to a friend who told me to get to the doctor because I could have cancer. I hadn't really considered cancer, so I immediately sought medical advice.
Well, I was poked, prodded, and pricked. I went to see my doctor one day and got a biopsy I wasn't expecting. Finally, at the ripe old age of 32, it was determined that I had started menopause. No babies for me. I was utterly bereft. I'll never forget just losing it in front of a group of fairly wild ninth graders I was teaching. I had just had the biopsy and I simply couldn't handle their incessant chatter. I broke down and cried in front of the students. They were stunned and many of my Student Council babies came to my room to help me get through the rest of the day.
I'm pretty much over the fact that I have never been pregnant. Adopting the world's cutest and smartest boy helped alleviate those anguished feelings. The only reason I have felt the need to relive all of this is a diagnosis I received from my doctor today. Based on a bone density scan, it appears that I have developed osteoporosis of the spine. While I certainly won't die from this condition, it can lead to complications, as I get much older, that could kill me. It can also lead to me getting a lot shorter or to that humped over look that some elderly people have.
If I am anything like my relatives, I figure that I've got another 40 years or so, all of it while managing this condition. I'm horrified at the thought of being all hunched over. My doctor would like to run one more test, to see if the reading is accurate. She said that sometimes conditions like scoliosis (which I have) cause a false reading. I hope that she's right.
About 14 years ago, my cycle was very erratic. To be honest, I was living a rather...rambunctious lifestyle. Every time I missed a period, or it was late, I feared that I was about to become a single mother. I was also just starting my teaching career and experiencing high levels of stress. I mentioned my concerns to a friend who told me to get to the doctor because I could have cancer. I hadn't really considered cancer, so I immediately sought medical advice.
Well, I was poked, prodded, and pricked. I went to see my doctor one day and got a biopsy I wasn't expecting. Finally, at the ripe old age of 32, it was determined that I had started menopause. No babies for me. I was utterly bereft. I'll never forget just losing it in front of a group of fairly wild ninth graders I was teaching. I had just had the biopsy and I simply couldn't handle their incessant chatter. I broke down and cried in front of the students. They were stunned and many of my Student Council babies came to my room to help me get through the rest of the day.
I'm pretty much over the fact that I have never been pregnant. Adopting the world's cutest and smartest boy helped alleviate those anguished feelings. The only reason I have felt the need to relive all of this is a diagnosis I received from my doctor today. Based on a bone density scan, it appears that I have developed osteoporosis of the spine. While I certainly won't die from this condition, it can lead to complications, as I get much older, that could kill me. It can also lead to me getting a lot shorter or to that humped over look that some elderly people have.
If I am anything like my relatives, I figure that I've got another 40 years or so, all of it while managing this condition. I'm horrified at the thought of being all hunched over. My doctor would like to run one more test, to see if the reading is accurate. She said that sometimes conditions like scoliosis (which I have) cause a false reading. I hope that she's right.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Loosely related Sunday night thoughts
I love the holidays, but the pace can make me a little nuts. It feels like I've spent the last two weeks cooking, cleaning, and decorating. Each of those activities is fulfilling, in a limited way.
I gather the most pleasure from cooking. One look at my figure would tell anyone that. As I mentioned over at maryb's place, I love the communal nature of cooking. I hate cooking alone. I try to get Hugh to help me, but he always feels a bit reticent in the kitchen. I had a blast making the dill pickle soup and pyrohys (Ukrainian spelling for pierogies) on Christmas Eve. Just as soon as someone e-mail's me the pictures, I'll put them up.
I hate to clean, but I always feel good about myself after I've completed some truly awful cleaning job (like the hairball the awaits me in the basement).
Decorating for Christmas is always fun. It's the only time I allow really kitschy items to be seen in my house. Luckily, after Christmas, I'll get to do some real decorating. We will finally start to paint and my mother-in-law offered to buy us drapes for the living room and dining room. I guess she got sick of looking at those ugly Venetian blinds.
I gather the most pleasure from cooking. One look at my figure would tell anyone that. As I mentioned over at maryb's place, I love the communal nature of cooking. I hate cooking alone. I try to get Hugh to help me, but he always feels a bit reticent in the kitchen. I had a blast making the dill pickle soup and pyrohys (Ukrainian spelling for pierogies) on Christmas Eve. Just as soon as someone e-mail's me the pictures, I'll put them up.
I hate to clean, but I always feel good about myself after I've completed some truly awful cleaning job (like the hairball the awaits me in the basement).
Decorating for Christmas is always fun. It's the only time I allow really kitschy items to be seen in my house. Luckily, after Christmas, I'll get to do some real decorating. We will finally start to paint and my mother-in-law offered to buy us drapes for the living room and dining room. I guess she got sick of looking at those ugly Venetian blinds.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Cookie Exchange
Since last Saturday, I've been baking, and subsequently, eating cookies. On top of that, Andrew has fallen victim to pink eye. I'm thrilled to not be working. No papers to grade so I can just relax and enjoy the vacation that my boys will have. I thought that I would put up a cookie exchange to see what your favorite recipes are. I think that the best cookies we made this year were my mom's M&M Cookies.
1 cup of butter - softened
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 tsp. vanilla
2 eggs
2 1/4 cups flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 1/2 cups M7Ms (divided)
Blend the butter and both sugars. Beat in vanilla and eggs. Sift remaining dry ingredients together and add to the sugar/egg mixture. Mix well. Stir in 1/2 cup of M&Ms, reserving 1 cup to decorate cookies prior to baking. Drop a teaspoon of dough onto an ungreased cookie sheet. Decorate unbaked cookies with remaining M&Ms.
Bake at 375 for 8-12 minutes.
My oven runs hot, so eight minutes is perfect. Also, do not overload with M&Ms. The cookies will come out too crisp and crumbly.
Share your cookies here.
1 cup of butter - softened
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 tsp. vanilla
2 eggs
2 1/4 cups flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 1/2 cups M7Ms (divided)
Blend the butter and both sugars. Beat in vanilla and eggs. Sift remaining dry ingredients together and add to the sugar/egg mixture. Mix well. Stir in 1/2 cup of M&Ms, reserving 1 cup to decorate cookies prior to baking. Drop a teaspoon of dough onto an ungreased cookie sheet. Decorate unbaked cookies with remaining M&Ms.
Bake at 375 for 8-12 minutes.
My oven runs hot, so eight minutes is perfect. Also, do not overload with M&Ms. The cookies will come out too crisp and crumbly.
Share your cookies here.
Monday, December 8, 2008
The Power of Fiction
Th other day, I ended a post about Santa with a brief comment about the power of fiction in our lives. It seemed like a topic that could generate some interesting conversation, so I've raised the issue again.
As an English teacher, I experience fiction everyday of my life. Sometimes it's the fictional excuse of why someone didn't complete an assignment and other times, it's the fiction of Twain, Hurston, or Steinbeck. Whatever kind of fiction, it seems that humans are drawn to it.
Andrew is four and has not experienced any serious lies, aside from Santa. Yet, from the time he could speak, he partook in small "untruths" about random things. The funniest were when he was still wearing a diaper and Hugh or I would catch the distinct odor of #2. We would ask him if was was pooping and he frequently said no. To make sure that he wasn't simply having a massive gas attack, one of us would dutifully check the diaper, only to find out that he was lying. Now, perhaps he was still learning how language worked and used the wrong word. Except, he will now still do the same thing when he is dancing and grabbing himself - a sure sign of needing to go to the bathroom. Why does he resort to fiction, especially when it deeply upsets him to have an accident?
The other type of fiction is just as powerful. Not all of my students like the books we read, but I guarantee that they all have a movie or a television show that they love. It is our connection to characters in fiction that must have the power. For me, there are are several fictional characters I love. I love Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger. I have always been touched by the character Franny and her search for some sort of spiritual grounding. I first read that book when I ended a serious long-term relationship and I think I felt like Franny was a kindred spirit.
Another fictional character I have grown to love is Huck Finn. That is such a typical English teacher answer, but I can't help myself. He shows such growth by the end of the book and Twain puts some beautiful descriptive passages in his mouth, that I almost want to cry sometimes.
Not all of the books/stories I teach have the same effect on my. While I like The Crucible, I don't feel much empathy for the characters. The same with the characters in The Great Gatsby.
Right now, I am reading literature that I plan on teaching for the AP class. I have re-read Oedipus and Antigone. Both are much shorter than I remember. I've just started 1984 and I sense that after eight years of Bush, Rove, and Cheney that I'll have a strong reaction.
As an English teacher, I experience fiction everyday of my life. Sometimes it's the fictional excuse of why someone didn't complete an assignment and other times, it's the fiction of Twain, Hurston, or Steinbeck. Whatever kind of fiction, it seems that humans are drawn to it.
Andrew is four and has not experienced any serious lies, aside from Santa. Yet, from the time he could speak, he partook in small "untruths" about random things. The funniest were when he was still wearing a diaper and Hugh or I would catch the distinct odor of #2. We would ask him if was was pooping and he frequently said no. To make sure that he wasn't simply having a massive gas attack, one of us would dutifully check the diaper, only to find out that he was lying. Now, perhaps he was still learning how language worked and used the wrong word. Except, he will now still do the same thing when he is dancing and grabbing himself - a sure sign of needing to go to the bathroom. Why does he resort to fiction, especially when it deeply upsets him to have an accident?
The other type of fiction is just as powerful. Not all of my students like the books we read, but I guarantee that they all have a movie or a television show that they love. It is our connection to characters in fiction that must have the power. For me, there are are several fictional characters I love. I love Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger. I have always been touched by the character Franny and her search for some sort of spiritual grounding. I first read that book when I ended a serious long-term relationship and I think I felt like Franny was a kindred spirit.
Another fictional character I have grown to love is Huck Finn. That is such a typical English teacher answer, but I can't help myself. He shows such growth by the end of the book and Twain puts some beautiful descriptive passages in his mouth, that I almost want to cry sometimes.
Not all of the books/stories I teach have the same effect on my. While I like The Crucible, I don't feel much empathy for the characters. The same with the characters in The Great Gatsby.
Right now, I am reading literature that I plan on teaching for the AP class. I have re-read Oedipus and Antigone. Both are much shorter than I remember. I've just started 1984 and I sense that after eight years of Bush, Rove, and Cheney that I'll have a strong reaction.
Friday, December 5, 2008
The Santa Card
I have something shameful to admit. I played the Santa card the other day. Andrew often does a terrible (even by a four year old's standards) job brushing his teeth. His job often consists of sucking the water out of the toothbrush and saying he's done. Well, the other day I lost it. I told him that Santa watches how you brush your teeth and if a child does a poor job of brushing, he will bring only a toothbrush and no toys.
I couldn't believe it. When we became parents, I wasn't even sure that I wanted to perpetuate the whole Santa Claus myth. Yet, in a moment of weakness, I pulled Santa out of my back pocket in order to obtain a desired behavior. I told my husband, Hugh, and he chuckled.
The whole incident reminded us of something that happened in Hugh's class a few years ago. He taught Junior Kindergarten (Andrew's current grade) for 11 years. For a large portion of that time, he worked with a very sweet paraprofessional. Well, a few years ago, he had a group of completely feral children. It was a few days before the Christmas break (not called that) and the students were just bouncing off the walls. His assistant had a moment and shouted that she was calling Santa that night to report all the naughty behavior. Oddly enough, the kids got the message and calmed down.
If I really want to be philosophical, it's amazing the power that fiction has in our lives. One fat, old guy in a funny red suit and kids will straighten up their behavior.
I couldn't believe it. When we became parents, I wasn't even sure that I wanted to perpetuate the whole Santa Claus myth. Yet, in a moment of weakness, I pulled Santa out of my back pocket in order to obtain a desired behavior. I told my husband, Hugh, and he chuckled.
The whole incident reminded us of something that happened in Hugh's class a few years ago. He taught Junior Kindergarten (Andrew's current grade) for 11 years. For a large portion of that time, he worked with a very sweet paraprofessional. Well, a few years ago, he had a group of completely feral children. It was a few days before the Christmas break (not called that) and the students were just bouncing off the walls. His assistant had a moment and shouted that she was calling Santa that night to report all the naughty behavior. Oddly enough, the kids got the message and calmed down.
If I really want to be philosophical, it's amazing the power that fiction has in our lives. One fat, old guy in a funny red suit and kids will straighten up their behavior.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Organizing CDs
Every so often, our large (over 200) CD collection gets out of control and we can't find anything. To be completely honest, our CDs have been in a messy pile for a while. I have decided that this week's task would be to rein in that mess. Currently, all of our CDs are at my feet, by the computer. I am trying to make the critical decision - how to organize all of them.
As an English teacher, the alphabetical system is appealing. It will be equally easy to find The Clash and Benny Goodman. On the other hand, if I am looking for a classical CD and I don't know the composer's name, alphabetical does not help. In that case, an organizational system based on genre would be the most efficient. Of course, I could organize by time. We have a little music from most decades of the 20th and 21st centuries.
Whatever I do, I have to make sure that I have buy-in from my husband. He often disregards any organizational system I set up. I try not to nag, but is it really so difficult to put the frying pans back with the other frying pans, in a manner that won't cause all of them to tip over as soon as someone touches them?
Sorry.
How do you organize your "stuff"?
As an English teacher, the alphabetical system is appealing. It will be equally easy to find The Clash and Benny Goodman. On the other hand, if I am looking for a classical CD and I don't know the composer's name, alphabetical does not help. In that case, an organizational system based on genre would be the most efficient. Of course, I could organize by time. We have a little music from most decades of the 20th and 21st centuries.
Whatever I do, I have to make sure that I have buy-in from my husband. He often disregards any organizational system I set up. I try not to nag, but is it really so difficult to put the frying pans back with the other frying pans, in a manner that won't cause all of them to tip over as soon as someone touches them?
Sorry.
How do you organize your "stuff"?
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