Putting in the effort

I have consistently sabotaged my own efforts in so many endeavors, simply because I don't believe in myself. 

I've done this with musical lessons, relationships, friendships, school work, you name it, I've blown up my own progress. This is why I often hesitate to publicly talk about big goals that I have in my mind. If I share them with people and then I emotionally or intellectually self-emolliate, people will know of my failure.

I'm not afraid of making mistakes. I make them all the time with my students or my son. I've even learned how to model dealing with making mistakes. It's the sabotaging of my life and my dreams that I don't want on display. Who needs to see that kind of carnage?

I've decided this year to quietly put forth effort in areas that are important to me, like exercise and writing. No grand pronouncements, just quiet and genuine effort. I'm keeping track of my progress in my journals, of which I have a few. Each journal has a different purpose. Those journals help me be my own audience and actually, so far, have kept the inner critic at bay.

Soft, barely audible baby steps are still steps in the right direction.