Give Love

My plan for this evening was to go to gym, as I have done for five days out of the last seven. Today was even going to be a double exercise day because I had done some yoga this morning.  My plans changed because of two, unrelated events: President Obama's speech about gun control and the suicide of a former Hamtramck High School student.

Today, President Obama announced an executive order to address gun violence in the United States.  I was most interested in the investment of $500 million dollars to improve access to mental health care. According to the Center for Disease Control, 41,149 Americans committed suicide in 2013. Of those 41,149 deaths, 21,175 deaths were attributed to guns. Guns contribute to 51 percent of all suicides in America. Clearly, the U.S. needs a serious wake-up call about mental illness and how access to guns allows too many people to kill themselves.

Earlier today, I heard about the suicide death of a Hamtramck High School graduate.  This young man, whom I did not know, used a gun to end his life. From what I can tell, he was only 19 years old, maybe 20. A former student wrote about the death on his Facebook wall and a comment was made to the effect that people often hide depression, so not to be judged by others.  I know that I try hard to hide any truly dark emotions so not to frighten people away, as I have experienced. From what I can tell, this hiding is probably more prevalent among men, that women. While women are twice as likely as men to experience depression and three times more likely to attempt suicide, men are four times more likely to actually kill themselves.  Of the 41,149 suicide deaths, 79 percent of those are men. That is 32,507 men. Of that number, 51 percent were caused by a firearm.  A little simple math tells us that 16,578 men in 2013 killed themselves with a gun.  This sounds like a crisis, most acutely a men's health crisis.

Why do so many people suffer?  Why are 79 percent of all U.S. suicide deaths men?  I suspect it is because people (in general) and men (in particular) do not want to be seen as weak.  During his speech today, President Obama shed tears when he spoke about the children killed at Sandy Hook.  Of course, his opposition mocked him, as if he shouldn't feel saddened by the thought of those slaughtered children.

People who have suffered from depression readily admit that talking about depression makes them feel weak.  I remember a principal I had (red-headed female) who mocked a fellow teacher who was suffering from depression.  I knew about the situation because I was the union rep. for the building and therefore in a position to know about this person's struggles.  The principal said to me that this teacher needed to get over it because everyone gets blue from time to time. That stunned me.  This is from a conversation on a FB wall earlier, someone wrote,

"I don't want to burden anyone with my nonsense. And though I don't know how anyone else feels, I think I can understand why someone would hide it from others. I didn't want to be called a wuss or told how weak I was and I damn for sure didn't want to push my problems onto anyone else, because the chance of being lonely for being 'crazy' or something."

I get that because I have been there, but I think it's doubly hard for many men because they are supposed to be "strong" and tears are for women. This is the malarkey I heard growing up. Movies, music, television - real men don't cry.

It's time for real conversations and true concern and empathy for others.  It's time for LOVE. As David Bowie sings in his collaboration with Queen, "Love's such an old-fashioned word/And love dares you to care for/The people living on the edge of the night/And love dares you to change our way of/Caring about ourselves.

  

Out of Whack

Yesterday, the Senate refused to pass a law that would have required a background check for anyone looking to purchase a gun at a gun show or over the internet.  There are many ways to purchase a gun without being checked.  Before anyone screams second amendment at me, the law in question did NOT propose to take any guns away.  It simply sought to close some loopholes in the background checking system.

Let me put this in perspective.  Let's pretend I have a boyfriend.  Let's say my pretend boyfriend is my age, his mid 40s. Let's say we get a little amorous in his mini-van, in a park at night, and the police knock on the window.  Stupid on our part, right?  We should know better and we promise the police that we are going to head straight home, just as soon as we can pull our pants up from around our ankles.

This situation could actually turn out quite bad, for me. You see, if the police really want to pursue this, we could be charged with indecent exposure.  We could have to go to court.  If found guilty, I could lose my teaching license, even though I was with a consenting adult. You see, a conviction like this puts me on the sex offenders list.

If, let's say, I have been convicted of a felony, let's say a domestic assault charge; I can go to an unlicensed dealer, at a gun show, and purchase a gun, without a background check.

Does this make sense to anyone?

I do not want a gun

There have been many times in my life when people have looked at me in disbelief.  That look has often been followed up with the question, "What kind of American are you?"

What have I done in my life to deserve harsh questioning of my citizen's credentials? Usually, I have revealed  (to both non-Americans and Americans) something that flies in the face of American stereotypes.  For example, I don't put ketchup on my fries (I like mayo).  I also don't drink any type of carbonated soft drink - never have.  Okay, I have one can of ginger ale in my fridge for when I suffer the occasional upset tummy. I have never sued anyone (though with winter upon us, I am looking for an icy patch on which to slip). I don't own a television.  I don't drink coffee. I hate "Black Friday."  I hate football. I am, at best, agnostic. All organized religions give me the creeps.  Bud Light makes me want to vomit.  I'm vegetarian, thus no hamburgers for me. Finally, I have never ever held a gun in my hand.  I have seen guns, but I want nothing to do with them.

I am completely exasperated at the current call for teachers to have guns.  The massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary was horrifying.  I have wept uncontrollably at every gut-wrenching story I have read. This shooting, however, nor any of the mass shootings that have come before this make me want to have a gun. I love listening to every wanna-be Dirty Harry talk about how he (in general) would take down the "bad guy." These machismo-heavy pronouncements remind me the power of fiction.

Think about it.  One minute,  we have a guy who has spent his entire adult life teaching teenagers manners and some academic skill (let's say accounting), the next minute we have Rambo, saving innocent lives. He's Bruce Willis, he's Charles Bronson, he's John fucking Wayne, feted by a ticker-tape parade and a trip to Disney. Who knew that Americans lived such vivid fantasy lives?  All this time, I thought we were the most concrete operational people who had ever ruled the planet. I thought Americans saw the world as black or white, with us or against us. I had us pegged as people who lacked nuance and tact.  Such wild fantasies debunk all my beliefs.

Perhaps this is our ultimate problem - we believe our own headline and refuse to read between the lines.  Down deep, we all believe that we, through excessive violence, can save the day. You know, like Jesus did. Or Gandhi. Or Dr. King. Or Sheriff Bull Connor.  Wait, he doesn't belong on that list.  You get my point.

I like the way guns and violence are portrayed in this short clip.  It also contains one of my favorite quotes of all time.