You win some, you lose some.

The end of this year cannot come quickly enough.  I made too many stupid mistakes (which I am too old to make) and was hurt by people from whom I never expected it. I don't want, however, to dismiss it outright.  I have been trying to think of this year's big highlights.  Until New Year's Eve, I will try to post something positive about 2013 and not dwell in the negative.  For today's highlight:

LOVED AND LOST

Fifteen years is a big age gap. I should have known better.  Let's face it, a younger, good-looking, virile man turned his gaze to me and I melted.  Red flags were everywhere, but I didn't care. The passion was hot and mind-blowing. I walked with confidence and a secret smile. I had never experienced anything like it.

The end of this tryst was as fiery as the relationship was hot.  I don't regret for one minute that it happened, even with all the pain I felt in the end.  For those few months, I felt beautiful and sexy.  I'd like to feel that way again, this time without so much pain.

Out of Whack

Yesterday, the Senate refused to pass a law that would have required a background check for anyone looking to purchase a gun at a gun show or over the internet.  There are many ways to purchase a gun without being checked.  Before anyone screams second amendment at me, the law in question did NOT propose to take any guns away.  It simply sought to close some loopholes in the background checking system.

Let me put this in perspective.  Let's pretend I have a boyfriend.  Let's say my pretend boyfriend is my age, his mid 40s. Let's say we get a little amorous in his mini-van, in a park at night, and the police knock on the window.  Stupid on our part, right?  We should know better and we promise the police that we are going to head straight home, just as soon as we can pull our pants up from around our ankles.

This situation could actually turn out quite bad, for me. You see, if the police really want to pursue this, we could be charged with indecent exposure.  We could have to go to court.  If found guilty, I could lose my teaching license, even though I was with a consenting adult. You see, a conviction like this puts me on the sex offenders list.

If, let's say, I have been convicted of a felony, let's say a domestic assault charge; I can go to an unlicensed dealer, at a gun show, and purchase a gun, without a background check.

Does this make sense to anyone?

The Wild West and Mrs. Robinson

I am a very busy woman.  My job requires that I do an excessive amount of work and home.  Paper grading has essentially destroyed my social life.

Also, unlike many of my age peers, I became a mom quite late in life (age 37) and still have a young son, not anywhere close to high school graduation.  He's autistic, which requires a lot of time.

Those two factors led me to sign up at a couple of on-line "dating" sites. I have to say, I am not impressed.  One site is a paid site and I have not gotten one date from it.  I am going to cancel my subscription to it and save a few bucks a month. The other site is a freebie and it's like the Wild West.

I had no idea how many young (by young, I mean 25-30) men harbored older women/teacher fantasies. I have received more than a dozen messages from men in that age range. I am charmed and flattered.  Sadly, these gentlemen have no idea how to actually communicate with women.

First on all, they are pretty quick to want to text message.  I feel like texting is the new first base. That's because getting a woman to text a picture is clearly the new second base. Not that the picture sharing is a one way street.  I have received one too many pictures of half naked (and very muscular) torsos - taken in the bathroom mirror. Of course, they want a picture, equally naked, in return.  This is when our conversations come to a crashing halt.  I won't send that kind of picture.  Perhaps if we had been dating for a while and I wanted to get him worked up a bit, I could see myself willing to send a raunchy picture.

I don't want to make any hasty generalizations, but I find this race to raunch disheartening.  I like sex, but the men who are trying to contact me seem to be missing out on the beautiful dance involved in human intimacy. They seem to want porn at their finger tips and to make no intellectual connection.  Why not agree to meet for coffee and then see if there's a spark?  I don't get it. Is this a generational issue?  I cannot compare because very few men my age have contacted me.

Sex

Yup!  It has come to this.  Sex is the topic for tonight. Not sweaty, moaning, body aching sex that is had with another person.  I don't even remember that kind.  Nope, I am committing the ultimate switch-and-bait as I want to discuss sex in literature/fiction.

The other day on my FB profile, I took an informal survey about 50 Shades of Grey. I have just finished The Hunger Games trilogy and I thought that maybe something a little saucy would be fun. I have heard that it's pretty kinky, so vicarious living might be a good thing. 

I was surprised at how many friends gave the book a big thumbs down. Poor writing, one complained. Story drags a bit, said another. Hype and not really sexy proclaimed another.  Overall, more shoulder shrugs than I was expecting. That got me to thinking about what we as readers expect when it comes to sex scenes in a book or short piece of fiction.

I have two sex scenes in my novel.  Neither are particularly explicit, though the first one is a little more detailed.  I pull out of both scenes before I have to say anything like "he plunged into her waiting and wet womanhood with a lifetime of pent-up passion coursing through his veins" (I don't even know how to write like that. To be honest, I don't know if people actually write like that.  Probably, just better than what I could muster). I leave the juicy tidbits up to the reader's imagination.  It's fairly obvious what is about to happen in both scenes and I just don't think the reader needs or even wants me to connect the dots. Besides, by the time I got to the second scene, I was giggling uncontrollably.  Not the case with the first one.

Is less better? Does it depend on how artfully the scene is written?  Anais Nin has some very graphic descriptions in her stories and I don't object.  Yet, she might be the only author I have read who aims to be sexually graphic (other than Ginsburg).

I've decided against 50 Shades of Grey.  I don't mind sex (are the gods listening out there), but I'm not sure that I'm interested in a book where that has been the big selling point.  I mean, I've seen porn and it's pretty stupid.  I prefer to use my brain a little more productively.