I'm fighting writer's block.
Maybe it's really writer's apprehension
My mind is full of jumbled
mumbled
thoughts.
Some of them bad.
I can't put them to paper.
The old adage tells us that
"the pen is mightier than the sword."
Breathing life into my incoherent
naughty thoughts could kill someone.
That would be messy.
Oh,
to have the money to make
a frivolouspurchasethatcoulddistractmefor
a few hours
OOOO. Look! Shiny!
Instead, I build a wall.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
This sucks
I am 41 years old. I have never been one of those women who thinks that shaving a few years off her age is as natural as shaving her legs. Unfortunately, my body is much older than 41.
About 14 years ago, my cycle was very erratic. To be honest, I was living a rather...rambunctious lifestyle. Every time I missed a period, or it was late, I feared that I was about to become a single mother. I was also just starting my teaching career and experiencing high levels of stress. I mentioned my concerns to a friend who told me to get to the doctor because I could have cancer. I hadn't really considered cancer, so I immediately sought medical advice.
Well, I was poked, prodded, and pricked. I went to see my doctor one day and got a biopsy I wasn't expecting. Finally, at the ripe old age of 32, it was determined that I had started menopause. No babies for me. I was utterly bereft. I'll never forget just losing it in front of a group of fairly wild ninth graders I was teaching. I had just had the biopsy and I simply couldn't handle their incessant chatter. I broke down and cried in front of the students. They were stunned and many of my Student Council babies came to my room to help me get through the rest of the day.
I'm pretty much over the fact that I have never been pregnant. Adopting the world's cutest and smartest boy helped alleviate those anguished feelings. The only reason I have felt the need to relive all of this is a diagnosis I received from my doctor today. Based on a bone density scan, it appears that I have developed osteoporosis of the spine. While I certainly won't die from this condition, it can lead to complications, as I get much older, that could kill me. It can also lead to me getting a lot shorter or to that humped over look that some elderly people have.
If I am anything like my relatives, I figure that I've got another 40 years or so, all of it while managing this condition. I'm horrified at the thought of being all hunched over. My doctor would like to run one more test, to see if the reading is accurate. She said that sometimes conditions like scoliosis (which I have) cause a false reading. I hope that she's right.
About 14 years ago, my cycle was very erratic. To be honest, I was living a rather...rambunctious lifestyle. Every time I missed a period, or it was late, I feared that I was about to become a single mother. I was also just starting my teaching career and experiencing high levels of stress. I mentioned my concerns to a friend who told me to get to the doctor because I could have cancer. I hadn't really considered cancer, so I immediately sought medical advice.
Well, I was poked, prodded, and pricked. I went to see my doctor one day and got a biopsy I wasn't expecting. Finally, at the ripe old age of 32, it was determined that I had started menopause. No babies for me. I was utterly bereft. I'll never forget just losing it in front of a group of fairly wild ninth graders I was teaching. I had just had the biopsy and I simply couldn't handle their incessant chatter. I broke down and cried in front of the students. They were stunned and many of my Student Council babies came to my room to help me get through the rest of the day.
I'm pretty much over the fact that I have never been pregnant. Adopting the world's cutest and smartest boy helped alleviate those anguished feelings. The only reason I have felt the need to relive all of this is a diagnosis I received from my doctor today. Based on a bone density scan, it appears that I have developed osteoporosis of the spine. While I certainly won't die from this condition, it can lead to complications, as I get much older, that could kill me. It can also lead to me getting a lot shorter or to that humped over look that some elderly people have.
If I am anything like my relatives, I figure that I've got another 40 years or so, all of it while managing this condition. I'm horrified at the thought of being all hunched over. My doctor would like to run one more test, to see if the reading is accurate. She said that sometimes conditions like scoliosis (which I have) cause a false reading. I hope that she's right.
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