Phooey

I thought my summer was going to be clear. My doctor me that the test results were good and that there was no rush for a colonoscopy. Her office would still make arrangements, but the appointment would likely be a couple of months down the road.

The specialist left a message on Wednesday, which I didn't get until too late. Then, yesterday I just forgot to call. I mean, my doctor told me there was no hurry. I called the specialist this morning only to find out that he wanted to fast track me. But, because I waited one day too long, I can't get an appointment until the third week in July. If I had called yesterday, I would be going in for a scope next week. 

Now I am back to being worried. Now, that worry has three weeks to stew and ferment. Perfect. All my plans are again on hold.

If only...

I have long fantasized about being in a rock band. I always envision myself the lead singer, seducing throngs of mesmerized fans. This little daydream plays itself every time I take one of my long walks or go to the gym, neither of which happens without my iPod. Sometimes at the gym, particularly when I am using the treadmill, I have to stop myself from launching into full-on rock star mode. You know the one: leaning forward on one, slightly bent leg, microphone in hand, mouth wide open. Okay, I'm not standing still on the treadmill, but the leaning forward, silently singing into my invisible mic might happen.

So, what is on my set list?  I'm so glad you asked. I kind of imagine myself as a sexy guitar playing babe, so my songs are heavy on guitar solos, along with some songs that offer opportunities for me to step away from the guitar to shake and shimmy on the stage.  I also imagine that my band has a male who sings when I'm too busy being Hendrix with boobs. Here are the first five on the list of songs my band would cover.

Song #1 - "Heartbreaker" (by Pat Benatar) - Pat Benatar is not my cup of tea.  I mean, have you ever seen the video for "Love is a Battlefield"?  This song, "Heartbreaker," however, is smoking hot.  It has big vocals and a cool guitar solo (played by moi) at the end. If I had any musical talent, my band would so cover this song.

Song #2 - Dreaming (by Blondie) - I would spread the love around in my band and this song has two great drum solos.  Plus, I would be prancing about stage singing, being sexy and all.

Song #3 - "Alive" (by Pearl Jam) - It's time for me to pick up my guitar again and let my band mate do a little singing.  I always imagine myself crowd surfing during this song, even during the amazing solo at the end.  I close my eyes and someone in the crowd has me standing on his shoulders while I play away.  Of course, at the end of the song, the crowd gently returns me to the stage.

Song #4 - "This Must Be The Place" (The Talking Heads)- By this point in the show, the crowd is in a wild frenzy, so it's time to slow it down. No guitar solo, we might even do this song acoustically.   I just want to sing the lines "Out of all those kind of people/You got a face with a view." God, I love that line.

Song #5 - "It's Too Late" (Bob Mould) - I want to keep the pace still a little slow, with a hint that we're about to speed up again quite soon. I might sing, or cede the mic to my partner, but, either way, the guitar parts are all mine.

I need to think about the pace I want to set for the next five songs.  In the meantime, what are a few songs your band would cover.

I'm sure it's nothing

Within the last week, I have experienced blood with bowel movements five times. After the first time, I immediately made an appointment with my doctor.

She poked and peeked and could determine nothing that could easily explain the blood.  Frankly, I was really pulling for a broken blood vessel or a pimple, but no. So, she ordered two tests for me.  She warned me that for one test, I couldn't have vitamin C.  I'm a vegetarian, so this was a daunting task, but like a trooper, I ate not much all weekend and produced a sample for the two bottles the lab had given me on Friday.

Sadly, there was blood on these samples and I worried.  Okay, honestly, I cried.

I took those samples to a different lab, where I learned that there was one more test required - this one was the no vitamin C test.  I did not cry.  I mumbled to myself and went home to read the instructions for the three-day test.  I could eat vegetables, so that was a plus. 

I called my doctor's office and asked if we could just go ahead a schedule a colonoscopy.  There was blood in the samples I turned in and there was blood on the sample I took when I got home, so why not?  The receptionist was quite willing to to do so, but warned me that it could take two months to get an appointment.  Of course, I could play the system and go to emergency. I've already spent time in emergency this year, so that idea doesn't thrill me.

My next option is to find a doctor, in the Detroit area who will take me on and refer me for a colonoscopy, more quickly than two months.  I haven't been to an American doctor in at least six years.  So, I turn to you, my readers, for referrals.  If you really like your family doctor, please feel free to share the doctor's name, phone, and address.

I was not going to share this with anyone.  Frustratingly, I need to formulate a Plan B and I need a little help to do that. I am sure that this is not a big deal, but I'd like eliminate all the concern that is creeping into my head.