A Disability is not an Advantage

The one aspect of the that has disturbed me most about the college admissions scandal is the fact that several of the wealthy parents faked medical disabilities for their children.

It's bad enough that they bought spots in schools that their children didn't deserve or even want. As the parent of a child with real disabilities, it's furious that these rich morons think that having a disability is some sort of advantage.

My son has Asperger's, a general anxiety disorder, and ADHD. If I could wave a magic wand so he could be neurotypical, I would gladly give up the extra time he gets on tests and assignments. Extra time he doesn't even want to take because he worries that it makes him appear weak.

If I could wave a magic wand so he could be neurotypical, I would and he wouldn't have been mercilessly bullied in seventh and eighth grade.

If I could wave a magic wand so he could be neurotypical, I would and he would not have several small panic attacks everyday during which he freezes and tells himself that he's a bad person for making small mistakes.

If I could wave a magic wand so he could be neurotypical, I would and he would understand how to read faces and help ease social interactions.

Those rich vacuous parents have no clue how hard a person with a disability works to manage and function in a world that generally doesn't understand disabilities, especially the invisible ones. Their children are like little trophies that mommy and daddy proudly display at cocktail parties. They brag about lies and their privilege as if they earned whatever their children may actually accomplished. I'm not even sure that they love their children as much as they love their own ego and reputation.

I'm not a perfect parent, by any stretch of the imagination. I am willing to accept my child for his strengths, faults, and struggles. In a way, I guess I feel sorry for them, as they don't appear to understand unconditional love.

Maybe a little withdrawal

About a month ago, I deactivated my Facebook. I really felt like I was frittering away too much time on my phone. I'm still getting the urge to sign on, but so far I've successfully fought off that urge.

I have been exercising more. I have been reading more. Those are pluses. I still need to add in watching some movies and writing more.

I still feel as lonely as I felt when I was on Facebook. This shouldn't surprise me, as loneliness has been a lifelong struggle. Facebook gave me (and probably many of us) the allusion of connection. My current social life is exactly what is was when I was on Facebook - nothing. I stay home every evening. I'm awaiting summer concert announcements. I don't have email, text, or phone conversations with folks (this is as much my fault as anything. I could initiate, but fight the feeling that I have nothing to share).

I think I'm happy with my decision. Much like I'm happy with my decision to not eat fries. I might have a craving, but I don't have to give into something that ultimately isn't good for me. I'll figure out the real life social stuff, because as a human I need to do so for my survival.