A Disability is not an Advantage

The one aspect of the that has disturbed me most about the college admissions scandal is the fact that several of the wealthy parents faked medical disabilities for their children.

It's bad enough that they bought spots in schools that their children didn't deserve or even want. As the parent of a child with real disabilities, it's furious that these rich morons think that having a disability is some sort of advantage.

My son has Asperger's, a general anxiety disorder, and ADHD. If I could wave a magic wand so he could be neurotypical, I would gladly give up the extra time he gets on tests and assignments. Extra time he doesn't even want to take because he worries that it makes him appear weak.

If I could wave a magic wand so he could be neurotypical, I would and he wouldn't have been mercilessly bullied in seventh and eighth grade.

If I could wave a magic wand so he could be neurotypical, I would and he would not have several small panic attacks everyday during which he freezes and tells himself that he's a bad person for making small mistakes.

If I could wave a magic wand so he could be neurotypical, I would and he would understand how to read faces and help ease social interactions.

Those rich vacuous parents have no clue how hard a person with a disability works to manage and function in a world that generally doesn't understand disabilities, especially the invisible ones. Their children are like little trophies that mommy and daddy proudly display at cocktail parties. They brag about lies and their privilege as if they earned whatever their children may actually accomplished. I'm not even sure that they love their children as much as they love their own ego and reputation.

I'm not a perfect parent, by any stretch of the imagination. I am willing to accept my child for his strengths, faults, and struggles. In a way, I guess I feel sorry for them, as they don't appear to understand unconditional love.

It takes a village.

Andrew has been playing all summer with the girl who lives next door.  She is a year older than  him.  She has an older brother (let's say 19 or 20) who appears to do nothing all day and dropped out of high school.  Mom works in the medical field and is a screamer and a thrower of objects.  We share our living room walls and I can hear everything. 

I like the girl.  She and Andrew play well together; he's happy when she is here.  He's been bugging me for a sibling, which is not going to happen, so as many play dates he can have, the better. However, I'm wondering if her mom isn't dumping her here at my house.  As I write this, she is plunking away at my piano.  This is her second visit to my house today.  The first happened around 4:30, just before dinner. She was still here as I pulled dinner out of the oven at 5:45.  I could have invited her to dinner.  Instead, I said that I was sure that her mom wanted her home for dinner. The girl, H., said that she had already eaten dinner. Hmmm.  I sent her home. Then, I second guessed myself.  

I teach kids whose homes are in the type of chaos as H.'s. I know they need all the caring adults they can get.  I know that she's a bit lonely as she and Andrew are the only kids their age on the block. Still, I don't want to train her mother into thinking that I am going to feed her kid.  Kindness, yes. Doormat, no.

12 year old boys

Every year, my gym places names of underprivileged children on a Christmas tree in its lobby. The name is accompanied by the age of the child. This year I chose a 12 year old boy because it was one of only three names left on the tree. All the younger ages were chosen because those are easy.

I need some help. Within reason, what should I buy a 12 year old boy? I'm thinking a couple of Manga books. But beyond that I'm stuck. Are board games cool? Any help you can offer will be greatly appreciated.

Boy, this is a lot of work

I did not realize that toilet training would be so tiring. We started with my son last week and it is all we have been doing. At first, he would scream and cry and whine that he did not want to sit on the toilet. Luckily for us, we had the right combination of bribes for the boy - small trucks and cars!

I am ashamed to admit that we bribed our son, but we did it. To be honest, it has worked out quite nicely for us. Within a seven day period, he has gone from screams to now telling us when he has to go to the bathroom. So far, he is making to the toilet on time - we haven't had an accident since Saturday.

What is a little vexing for me is that we could have gone with a much cheaper bribe. We have run out of dinky cars and have purchased all that are available at our local toy store. We are now using stickers and I'll be damned if he isn't just as happy with stickers. Oh well, as my husband has been saying, if someone had told him that for $35 (the amount we have spent on cars), our son would be toilet trained in a week, we would have thought it was a bargain.