Much of what I have written in the past year seems to deal with a overall feeling of malaise that encompasses my world. It's clear that I must be suffering from some type of identity crisis. I know that I can pinpoint some of my feelings to a direct source; some of which I can discuss and some of which will need to remain locked in a vault. Much of what I am experiencing, however, feels hazy. Therefore, I can only guess that, at 42, the much maligned mid-life crisis has descended upon me. I suppose I could go find someone who would prescribe a plethora of anti-depressants for me. That idea seems highly distressing. If I'm going to have a mid-life crisis that requires me to find myself, I might as well have as much fun as I can. Sadly, I am but a poor school teacher. To be honest, I make a pretty good salary. Unfortunately, much of which could help me relieve the symptoms of this mid-life crisis, not unlike medicine, is expensive. Traveling, more educational opportunities, attending cultural events, and exploring new hobbies are all part of my plan to help me come to terms with the life I have led to this point,make spiritual sense of my world and my being, a to create and road map for the remainder of time I have left.
This is where you, an interested corporate sponsor can help. You might wonder why should my company sponsor you? I have a number of fine qualities that should appeal to a demographic that is currently at or about to enter its peak earning cycle. To begin, I am highly educated. I earned a B.A. in French, with a strong minor in English at Alma College, a small liberal arts college with an excellent reputation. After completing my degree, I worked a variety of jobs, none of which were satisfying. These jobs, however, did give me a strong appreciation for what the working class in our society experiences and I developed a deep empathy for service workers in general. I tip extremely generously (this particular characteristic might be of special interest to those in the food industry. You could greatly improve the morale of your dining room staff if you choose to underwrite a portion of my mid-life crisis). After earning my teaching certificate and working in socio-economically deprived districts for a few years, I returned to school to earn an M.A. in Humanities. From this program, I grew to love art history, historic architecture, and even opera. Thanks to my love of reading, I am fully capable of holding an intelligent conversation about any of these topics and I am very happy to learn more.
Another quality that should interest the potential corporate sponsor is my connection to the youth market. As a teacher, I interact with 150 teenagers a day. I have an excellent reputation as fair minded and academically challenging. I also have an excellent rapport with many of my students. From a marketing point of view, I could have an advantage over traditional advertising in swaying students to consider certain products over others. Many students view traditional advertising with a cynical eye. Product information from a trusted teacher is far less invasive and can be targeted directly to students most likely to be interested in the product. Under no circumstances can any portion of a lesson plan be sponsored.
Yet another attractive quality that I can offer any corporate sponsor is a high level of flexibility. Let's say, for instance that you are an 80s pop band named Squeeze. The range of services I could offer are wide. For a week on tour with the band, I would gladly sell merchandise. I am petite, and attractive - assets that can only help in the realm of sales. This is an offer that should be taken immediately before those assets drop. I am able to take on such a task because my husband is fully capable of handling our son for long stretches of time on his own. I don't worry that the house will burn down and laundry will eventually get done.
A final reason your company should sponsor my mid-life crisis is that I am technologically savvy enough to broadcast my mid-life adventures in a broad range of mediums. I am a writer who is capable of producing essays highlighting my exploits. I would most certainly compose a memoir recounting my mid-life crisis. I have this blog, which I advertise on my Facebook page. I have an account on youtube and would be more than willing to post videos of my experiences using your product. Finally, I am articulate enough to handle any radio or television interviews.
I would like to end by thanking you for your interest in my mid-life crisis. I hope that we have an opportunity to discuss how your entity and my mid-life crisis can help each other reach their maximum potentials.
UPDATE: Here is the link to the eBay listing for Sponsor this Mid-Life Crisis.
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=250516463129
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Getting Emo
The return to school has been more difficult than I anticipated. All the stress of grading papers, never being alone, and large classes have hit me with a double shot to the kidney. I feel myself being sucked into a black cloud of depression. I did not enjoy the isolation of being a stay-at-home mom and I had eagerly looked forward to returning to work. I am of a completely different mind at the moment.
Our school is under the gun because we have not made Adequate Yearly Progress (AYP) in five years. I'll explain all of that later, maybe this weekend. Anyway, if our test scores (and a variety of other factors) don't achieve AYP this year, the whole staff could be fired. No stress there. We have turned into test prep central and that is not why I became a teacher.
It has not helped that some of Andrew's behavior's have grown wearisome and worse. His inability to stop himself from pinching my thighs has me down. He looks at me and the only thing he almost ever says is "Momma's pinchy squishy skin." I must hear this two, three dozen times a day. Naturally, the stress I'm feeling from work must trickle down to Andrew. He must sense how I'm just not feeling right.
Then there's my book. I haven't even given it a passing glance in three weeks. What a waste of some fine material. I'm not saying it's Pulitzer material, but it is a huge dream that I have to finish it. Of course, if I lose my job, I'll have all of the time in the world to write. I just won't be able to make it to Wimbledon for my 45th birthday. Plus, who knows what I'll eat when I am an old woman without a pension.
My head is swimming with confused thoughts. I need to get my act together or I'll burn out and be of no use to myself or anyone else.
Our school is under the gun because we have not made Adequate Yearly Progress (AYP) in five years. I'll explain all of that later, maybe this weekend. Anyway, if our test scores (and a variety of other factors) don't achieve AYP this year, the whole staff could be fired. No stress there. We have turned into test prep central and that is not why I became a teacher.
It has not helped that some of Andrew's behavior's have grown wearisome and worse. His inability to stop himself from pinching my thighs has me down. He looks at me and the only thing he almost ever says is "Momma's pinchy squishy skin." I must hear this two, three dozen times a day. Naturally, the stress I'm feeling from work must trickle down to Andrew. He must sense how I'm just not feeling right.
Then there's my book. I haven't even given it a passing glance in three weeks. What a waste of some fine material. I'm not saying it's Pulitzer material, but it is a huge dream that I have to finish it. Of course, if I lose my job, I'll have all of the time in the world to write. I just won't be able to make it to Wimbledon for my 45th birthday. Plus, who knows what I'll eat when I am an old woman without a pension.
My head is swimming with confused thoughts. I need to get my act together or I'll burn out and be of no use to myself or anyone else.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
The Vortex
I have been trapped for about a week now and the only reason I seem to be free at the moment is because I am actively blowing off papers that need to be graded. I haven't posted here in 10 days and I haven't touched my book in two weeks. I need some me time.
The beginning of this school year feels like the craziest one I have ever experienced in my whole career and frankly that's saying something. I had mentioned previously that I anticipated chaos on the first day of school and that was what we got. There was a reporting room for the students that wasn't remotely related to homeroom. There was no communication about when to hand out emergency cards and other forms. The id cards were not available, nor was the code of conduct. Hell, we still don't have those. It took two days to distribute lockers to students.
Without id cards, students are unable to obtain textbooks, so who knows what the math teachers are doing. I don't cleave to the textbook, but I do use it as a handy reference tool, so I don't have to make copies, which of course I am now doing. We have science classes with more than 40 students. We have kids showing up for the first time during week two. Who knows what they've been doing for the past week. I have had a new student or two every hour foe the past week. Those kids have missed two or three assignments in my class already.
I just had to vent. Thanks for listening
The beginning of this school year feels like the craziest one I have ever experienced in my whole career and frankly that's saying something. I had mentioned previously that I anticipated chaos on the first day of school and that was what we got. There was a reporting room for the students that wasn't remotely related to homeroom. There was no communication about when to hand out emergency cards and other forms. The id cards were not available, nor was the code of conduct. Hell, we still don't have those. It took two days to distribute lockers to students.
Without id cards, students are unable to obtain textbooks, so who knows what the math teachers are doing. I don't cleave to the textbook, but I do use it as a handy reference tool, so I don't have to make copies, which of course I am now doing. We have science classes with more than 40 students. We have kids showing up for the first time during week two. Who knows what they've been doing for the past week. I have had a new student or two every hour foe the past week. Those kids have missed two or three assignments in my class already.
I just had to vent. Thanks for listening
Saturday, September 5, 2009
It's almost here
Shhh, don't tell anyone, but I'm really excited for Tuesday to roll around. I know that I said earlier that I'm nervous and I am, but I think it's a good nervous. I just can't wait to stand in front of my students and start the year.
First of all, the start of the school year has given me a reason to go clothes shopping. I know it is a completely superficial reason, but after dropping 25 pounds in the last year, I need a whole new wardrobe. Yesterday, I did a power shop through the mall and bought a suit, a skirt, a jacket, and a new fall outfit from Jones of New York. I found a pair of shoes. Last week, I finally replaced my old, fat jeans that I could pull on and off without unsnapping or unzipping.
Secondly, many of my AP students are in Student Council or on Facebook. They have been talking enthusiastically, to each other, about the summer reading they had to do. They had to read Frankenstein and Oedipus Rex. They all went out and immediately got the books and promptly read them. Many of they e-mailed me or wrote on my Facebook wall (unprompted) that they really liked the stories. A few of them have helped me in my class and have seen the books we'll be studying and I could see the excitement on their faces. Even one of them furtively put the books to her nose and inhaled deeply. That class will be my last class of the day and what a way to end the day.
I just can't believe how much I've missed adult company on the last year. I knew that I went through a pretty extensive bout of the blues while on leave, but now I know one reason why. During our two days of meetings this past week, I just couldn't shut up. Of course, many people were interested in how Andrew is doing and some remarked on my weight loss, but other than that, I just chatted with anyone who would listen.
The communication for our opening day procedures has been abysmal and I am anticipating nothing short of chaos. I can't wait.
First of all, the start of the school year has given me a reason to go clothes shopping. I know it is a completely superficial reason, but after dropping 25 pounds in the last year, I need a whole new wardrobe. Yesterday, I did a power shop through the mall and bought a suit, a skirt, a jacket, and a new fall outfit from Jones of New York. I found a pair of shoes. Last week, I finally replaced my old, fat jeans that I could pull on and off without unsnapping or unzipping.
Secondly, many of my AP students are in Student Council or on Facebook. They have been talking enthusiastically, to each other, about the summer reading they had to do. They had to read Frankenstein and Oedipus Rex. They all went out and immediately got the books and promptly read them. Many of they e-mailed me or wrote on my Facebook wall (unprompted) that they really liked the stories. A few of them have helped me in my class and have seen the books we'll be studying and I could see the excitement on their faces. Even one of them furtively put the books to her nose and inhaled deeply. That class will be my last class of the day and what a way to end the day.
I just can't believe how much I've missed adult company on the last year. I knew that I went through a pretty extensive bout of the blues while on leave, but now I know one reason why. During our two days of meetings this past week, I just couldn't shut up. Of course, many people were interested in how Andrew is doing and some remarked on my weight loss, but other than that, I just chatted with anyone who would listen.
The communication for our opening day procedures has been abysmal and I am anticipating nothing short of chaos. I can't wait.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
The only thing we have to fear is...starting all over
In a little over two weeks, I will stand in front of 30 teenagers for an hour at a time a attempt to engage their minds with the greatest authors our country has produced. I have done this job for 13 years, but not for the past year. I am scared that I have lost whatever touch I had gained in the previous 13 years.
My strength as a teacher is the rapport that I have with my students. I can empathize with them as my painful teenage years still run crystal clear in my head. I remember the confusion, the optimism, the anger, the angst, and the reckless joy that I felt, sometimes within minutes of each other. I remember wanting more than whatever my treeless suburban life was offering me. My ability to conjure up these feelings allow me to treat my students with respect that many adults cannot find when dealing with high school students.
As I face the prospect of returning after my year of respite, I fear that I won't be able to be as effective as I had been. The daily grind of marking papers, running Student Council, cooking, running a household prevented me some exploring long lost dreams and goals. Will I be able to maintain a workout schedule that will keep off the weight I've lost? Will I find the precious time to write 600-1000 words a day in my novel? If I lose either of those long desired wants, will it affect me in the classroom? Somewhere else?
Unlike a rookie teacher, I fully understand what is about to hit me as soon as the kids hit the door. I can't help but wonder if ignorance isn't bliss.
My strength as a teacher is the rapport that I have with my students. I can empathize with them as my painful teenage years still run crystal clear in my head. I remember the confusion, the optimism, the anger, the angst, and the reckless joy that I felt, sometimes within minutes of each other. I remember wanting more than whatever my treeless suburban life was offering me. My ability to conjure up these feelings allow me to treat my students with respect that many adults cannot find when dealing with high school students.
As I face the prospect of returning after my year of respite, I fear that I won't be able to be as effective as I had been. The daily grind of marking papers, running Student Council, cooking, running a household prevented me some exploring long lost dreams and goals. Will I be able to maintain a workout schedule that will keep off the weight I've lost? Will I find the precious time to write 600-1000 words a day in my novel? If I lose either of those long desired wants, will it affect me in the classroom? Somewhere else?
Unlike a rookie teacher, I fully understand what is about to hit me as soon as the kids hit the door. I can't help but wonder if ignorance isn't bliss.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
A first
One of the issues with Andrew's autism is that he has never spontaneously told me that he loves me. Usually, he'll turn his head (eye contact - never) and mumble the words, after I have prompted him several times.
I've been extremely busy these last few weeks. Homecoming is a mere three weeks into school and I have been meeting with Student Council in order to hit the ground running. I want us to have a significantly better year than we had last year. Anyway, that has taken me away from home for whole work days at a time. My husband has told me that Andrew asks after me several times a day - which is his way of saying he misses me.
Last night, after yet another day apart, I was leaving Andrew's room so he could go to sleep. He had already told me, with a huge grin on his face, that he would not give me a hug or a kiss, so I started to walk out of the room. He grabbed my hand to prevent me from leaving and said "I need you Momma. I love you soooo much." Needless to say, I immediately began to cry like a baby. He, of course, repeated the phrase a dozen times in a row and asked me to lay down with him. I did for a few minutes and then left.
I floated on air for the rest of the night. My little guy is going to be just fine.
I've been extremely busy these last few weeks. Homecoming is a mere three weeks into school and I have been meeting with Student Council in order to hit the ground running. I want us to have a significantly better year than we had last year. Anyway, that has taken me away from home for whole work days at a time. My husband has told me that Andrew asks after me several times a day - which is his way of saying he misses me.
Last night, after yet another day apart, I was leaving Andrew's room so he could go to sleep. He had already told me, with a huge grin on his face, that he would not give me a hug or a kiss, so I started to walk out of the room. He grabbed my hand to prevent me from leaving and said "I need you Momma. I love you soooo much." Needless to say, I immediately began to cry like a baby. He, of course, repeated the phrase a dozen times in a row and asked me to lay down with him. I did for a few minutes and then left.
I floated on air for the rest of the night. My little guy is going to be just fine.
Monday, August 3, 2009
A year in review - the sucesses!
It is hard to believe. My one year leave is almost over. I had set a number of goals for myself and I have achieved or made progress toward achieving some of them.
The biggest goal I set for myself was to get in shape and that goal is firmly in the positive column. Since January, I have lost 20 pounds and all of my clothes are too big. I will need to retool my wardrobe for the fall. I feel as though I am physically stronger and that I have far more stamina than I had previously. I am extremely proud of the progress I have made here.
The second goal I that I have made substantial gains on achieving is my writing goal. I am three chapters into my novel and I have bits and pieces of other stories started. That may sound like a hodgepodge of results - it is. But, I am set to finish within the next 12 months because my soul now understands how important this goal is to me. I feel invigorated when I write. Time is still a serious issue, but I hope to tackle that within the next two months.
There are a few goals where I feel that I let myself down. I'll get to those next entry.
The biggest goal I set for myself was to get in shape and that goal is firmly in the positive column. Since January, I have lost 20 pounds and all of my clothes are too big. I will need to retool my wardrobe for the fall. I feel as though I am physically stronger and that I have far more stamina than I had previously. I am extremely proud of the progress I have made here.
The second goal I that I have made substantial gains on achieving is my writing goal. I am three chapters into my novel and I have bits and pieces of other stories started. That may sound like a hodgepodge of results - it is. But, I am set to finish within the next 12 months because my soul now understands how important this goal is to me. I feel invigorated when I write. Time is still a serious issue, but I hope to tackle that within the next two months.
There are a few goals where I feel that I let myself down. I'll get to those next entry.
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