I have recently come to a perplexing conclusion. Andrew is consistently more autistic in public than he is at home. I'm not sure that I can fully verbalize what this means, but I'll try.
Andrew most predominate autistic trait is his use of stereotypical language. He'll fixate on a phrase that he'll use at the most random and odd times. At the moment, he is beginning to lose his baby teeth, so he is interested in teeth. Everytime I smile, he points and says,"Two big front teeth." It's to the point where I dread smiling because I'll have to hear that phrase - again. This language issue is the one we have to deal with most frequently at home.
In public, I have noticed that Andrew adds more obviously stereotypical autistic behaviors to his repertoire. He has started rocking back and forth when we go shopping. Yes, the type of rocking most imagine when they think of autism. I don't know what to do about it. I tell him to stop. He only asks why. How do you say to your son that you look autistic when you do that? I worry that he sits in class and rocks away, isolating him from classmates. He doesn't rock like this at home, unless he is extremely tired.
Then I become concerned that I'm worried about how I'm being perceived when he starts rocking, that my ego is on the line. The self-doubt monster rears its ugly multiple heads - I 'm a rotten mother. There has been more than one person to either subconsciously suggest this or to flat out tell me that I suck at mothering. Maybe they're right.
It's too early in the day for this.
