I've written a few times about being out of work and the financial hardships that come with unemployment.
I have a job, but it's only part-time. I really and truly like the job, so I don't want to lose it. I've come to grips with some of the financial sacrifices I've made since losing a job in 2015. Like living with my ex because I can't afford to live on my own. I'm not thrilled, but I'm not homeless.
Alas, 18 months of unemployment are not easily overcome, especially on a part-time salary. Part one of the problem is that I'm a crappy capitalist who hasn't figured out how to properly market her mindfulness facilitation credentials. Part two is that I'm afraid to jump back into the classroom full-time. I'm afraid that I'll get sick again. I'm worried that the next time I get sick will be the last time I get sick.
This is all prompted by a car repair that is going to hurt. It won't quite empty me out, but it has knocked me for a bit of a loop. It does mean that there won't be anything extra for months and months and months. It does mean that I completely regret planning a little trip in August to see Squeeze.
After I got off the phone with the mechanic, I found myself lamenting that I just want to catch one lucky break. Now that I've stopped crying, I think that lucky breaks are a fallacy. I think that society is arranged to make sure that those with the fattest wallets get the breaks. They can easily absorb an $800 car repair. Those of us who fall on financial hard times or who suffer chronic illness are far too easily swept away in dangerous currents. Far too many of us never get out of trouble.
I'll survive. I'll double down on offering my services, if even for just a small fee. I'll live without frills and fun for a long while. I'll deepen my meditation practice to help bring inner peace. I'll brace myself for the next wave that could drown me.
If you're able, I'll put this here: paypal.me/ToniACoral
I used to be too embarrassed to ask for help, but I've gotten over that.
