* A note to all four (?) of my regular readers (hi Tahrima, Chuck, Val, and Laura) over the next five days, I will be posting assignments related to the Writing Project at Eastern Michigan. Don't hesitate to read through my thoughts and feel free to comment, the more the merrier.
As has often been the been the case in my life, I entered the experience at EMWP with a copious amount of self-doubt. It had been nine years since I had last sat in a classroom as a student. In the ensuing years, I became a mom and felt my ability to multi-task had weakened. I also began to struggle in the classroom. I felt disengaged and distant from both my students and the material. Everything that was new was old. The daily grind of students screaming and fighting in the halls, the million and one excuses for why assignments weren't complete. Down deep, I knew that I was part of the problem, but felt helpless to repair the damage. This struggle led me to feel that I had nothing valuable to share as a demonstration lesson. Truth be told, I feared that I had never had a successful writing lesson in the 15 years I had been teaching. As the institute enters into a last few days, I can now say that, given a choice, I would not have spent these last four weeks in any other way or with any other people.
The greatest fear I had coming into the institute was the demonstration lesson. I work at a school that had now not made AYP in seven years. Despite my best efforts, I have internalized the message that I work in a failing school. If the school is failing, it stands to reason that the teachers are to blame. What teacher doesn't take it a little personally if a majority of students fail a quiz? If I am a failing teacher at a failing school, I told myself that I had no lessons of which to be proud. I must interview well, because I received an e-mail congratulating me. It was now incumbent to find a topic for the demonstration lesson. A 75-minute demonstration lesson. I finally decided on the children's book project that my creative writing class did. I hadn't felt particularly proud of this lesson, but it did encompass many aspects of both writing and reading. Doing the research for my demonstration bolstered my spirits as I found that I had actually incorporated a few research-solid elements in the project. I was pleased that my students were writing for an authentic audience. I was pleased that the study of the mentor texts was appropriate when asking students to write in an unfamiliar genre. What especially pleased me was the importance of older students mentoring younger students. The things I happen to do right are enough to push me to fix the rest of the project and resurrect it next year.
Along with a new and improved children's book project, I hope to focus on two wholesale changes in my class next year. I want implement to two or three days of writer's workshop, using writer's notebook. From all that I have read so far, I truly feel that this is a technique that will work with my students, It will provide them a safe atmosphere in which to work on their writing, while also allowing me to take home fewer papers, because I will conference with them (and they will conference with each other) in class. If we did not have the time to do research during the institute, I would not feel confident enough to try this new (to me) technique. I am also hoping to improve my method of delivering vocabulary instruction. My students are largely non-native English speakers who struggle with both reading and writing assignments due to their limited vocabulary. I am not as far into the research with this aspect, but I already know that some form of personal dictionary will be on the agenda for my students.
The final aspect of the institute involves the teacher was writer. Beyond all the professional assistance I have gained from the program, the most gratifying personally has been the time devoted to writing. For the past year, I have been composing my "highly anticipated debut novel." All along the way, I have fought that self-doubt that constantly gnaws at my ankles, impeding my progress. I never truly believed that anyone would be interested in my story. During the institute, I frequently shared new installments of the novel, usually to enthusiastic ears. I have received gentle, yet critical feedback on lapses in cohesion or flow. I have completed three chapters since the writing marathon - a remarkable pace for me. I have gained the courage to say that "yes, I will look for an agent and send out the manuscript. This book is viable." For that, I am forever grateful.
I am certain that I will take more away from than institute that I will leave. My teaching was in a terrible rut, the edge of which I now scale. I have worked diligently and confidently on a life-long dream, the novel. I hope that others have enjoyed the moments of levity I have offered. I hope that others will seek ways to incorporate cross-grade cooperation. I hope that, somewhere along the way, someone will buy my completed novel. Most importantly, I hope to keep my fellow members of the EMWP 2010 in my life as all of them have offered valuable lessons.
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