The return to school has been more difficult than I anticipated. All the stress of grading papers, never being alone, and large classes have hit me with a double shot to the kidney. I feel myself being sucked into a black cloud of depression. I did not enjoy the isolation of being a stay-at-home mom and I had eagerly looked forward to returning to work. I am of a completely different mind at the moment.
Our school is under the gun because we have not made Adequate Yearly Progress (AYP) in five years. I'll explain all of that later, maybe this weekend. Anyway, if our test scores (and a variety of other factors) don't achieve AYP this year, the whole staff could be fired. No stress there. We have turned into test prep central and that is not why I became a teacher.
It has not helped that some of Andrew's behavior's have grown wearisome and worse. His inability to stop himself from pinching my thighs has me down. He looks at me and the only thing he almost ever says is "Momma's pinchy squishy skin." I must hear this two, three dozen times a day. Naturally, the stress I'm feeling from work must trickle down to Andrew. He must sense how I'm just not feeling right.
Then there's my book. I haven't even given it a passing glance in three weeks. What a waste of some fine material. I'm not saying it's Pulitzer material, but it is a huge dream that I have to finish it. Of course, if I lose my job, I'll have all of the time in the world to write. I just won't be able to make it to Wimbledon for my 45th birthday. Plus, who knows what I'll eat when I am an old woman without a pension.
My head is swimming with confused thoughts. I need to get my act together or I'll burn out and be of no use to myself or anyone else.
6 comments:
Wow =/ that really sucks...and I thought I was stressed/worried. Hang in there Mrs. Coral
I had an exceptionally bad day yesterday David. Today was a little better.
Thanks
Things will probably get worse before they get better. But they /will/ get better.
Think of it this way; at least you'll always have something to look forward to (retirement, Fiji, Taki coming back as a billionaire...oh, wait, the last one's mine).
These are some of the hardest days of the school year, it will get better, T. The up and down of the weather makes the kids of all ages jumpy, too.
Pinching reminds me, my supervising teacher kept a huge batch of clay (the kind that doesn't harden) on her desk. At the end of the week, she'd pound & shape it according to how she felt. I knew when it was covered with big spikes that it had been really awful for her.
My sympathies
But Taki, with your billions, just think what you could do for your favorite elderly English teacher.
Kidspeak,
The kids have been bonkers. I between the weather and the full moon we had this week, I thought I was just going to lose it.
Worse than the kids, as always, is all the administrative bullshit. Our school and district continually makes the wrong educational decision. Then, it's our butts on the line because we didn't hit some insane number set by a federal law that was designed to destroy public education and the teachers' unions.
That will be my next rant.
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