Much of what I have written in the past year seems to deal with a overall feeling of malaise that encompasses my world. It's clear that I must be suffering from some type of identity crisis. I know that I can pinpoint some of my feelings to a direct source; some of which I can discuss and some of which will need to remain locked in a vault. Much of what I am experiencing, however, feels hazy. Therefore, I can only guess that, at 42, the much maligned mid-life crisis has descended upon me. I suppose I could go find someone who would prescribe a plethora of anti-depressants for me. That idea seems highly distressing. If I'm going to have a mid-life crisis that requires me to find myself, I might as well have as much fun as I can. Sadly, I am but a poor school teacher. To be honest, I make a pretty good salary. Unfortunately, much of which could help me relieve the symptoms of this mid-life crisis, not unlike medicine, is expensive. Traveling, more educational opportunities, attending cultural events, and exploring new hobbies are all part of my plan to help me come to terms with the life I have led to this point,make spiritual sense of my world and my being, a to create and road map for the remainder of time I have left.
This is where you, an interested corporate sponsor can help. You might wonder why should my company sponsor you? I have a number of fine qualities that should appeal to a demographic that is currently at or about to enter its peak earning cycle. To begin, I am highly educated. I earned a B.A. in French, with a strong minor in English at Alma College, a small liberal arts college with an excellent reputation. After completing my degree, I worked a variety of jobs, none of which were satisfying. These jobs, however, did give me a strong appreciation for what the working class in our society experiences and I developed a deep empathy for service workers in general. I tip extremely generously (this particular characteristic might be of special interest to those in the food industry. You could greatly improve the morale of your dining room staff if you choose to underwrite a portion of my mid-life crisis). After earning my teaching certificate and working in socio-economically deprived districts for a few years, I returned to school to earn an M.A. in Humanities. From this program, I grew to love art history, historic architecture, and even opera. Thanks to my love of reading, I am fully capable of holding an intelligent conversation about any of these topics and I am very happy to learn more.
Another quality that should interest the potential corporate sponsor is my connection to the youth market. As a teacher, I interact with 150 teenagers a day. I have an excellent reputation as fair minded and academically challenging. I also have an excellent rapport with many of my students. From a marketing point of view, I could have an advantage over traditional advertising in swaying students to consider certain products over others. Many students view traditional advertising with a cynical eye. Product information from a trusted teacher is far less invasive and can be targeted directly to students most likely to be interested in the product. Under no circumstances can any portion of a lesson plan be sponsored.
Yet another attractive quality that I can offer any corporate sponsor is a high level of flexibility. Let's say, for instance that you are an 80s pop band named Squeeze. The range of services I could offer are wide. For a week on tour with the band, I would gladly sell merchandise. I am petite, and attractive - assets that can only help in the realm of sales. This is an offer that should be taken immediately before those assets drop. I am able to take on such a task because my husband is fully capable of handling our son for long stretches of time on his own. I don't worry that the house will burn down and laundry will eventually get done.
A final reason your company should sponsor my mid-life crisis is that I am technologically savvy enough to broadcast my mid-life adventures in a broad range of mediums. I am a writer who is capable of producing essays highlighting my exploits. I would most certainly compose a memoir recounting my mid-life crisis. I have this blog, which I advertise on my Facebook page. I have an account on youtube and would be more than willing to post videos of my experiences using your product. Finally, I am articulate enough to handle any radio or television interviews.
I would like to end by thanking you for your interest in my mid-life crisis. I hope that we have an opportunity to discuss how your entity and my mid-life crisis can help each other reach their maximum potentials.
UPDATE: Here is the link to the eBay listing for Sponsor this Mid-Life Crisis.
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=250516463129
3 comments:
Oh Mrs. Coral. If I was rich, I would sponsor your mid-life crisis, alas I am nothing more than a college student. However, there is one thing that I can offer you that is invaluable, hope. And even a little advice.
First, remember that no matter what you are feeling right now, there is someone who is feeling much worse or is in a worse position than you are. I know this kind of... I can't think of the word right now, but it's true. By the time you read this, I guarantee that somewhere on this earth, someone has committed suicide, has been raped, or been murdered. There is at LEAST one person in each category. This probably won't help you much, but will make you think "yeah, Am3l is right, people's lives are being ruined at this very moment." I mean, it helps me overcome things sometimes, so that's why I brought this up.
Second, a mid-life crisis is something that many adults go through. It's quite normal from what I've learned from my Psychology class. My advice, embrace it. Use this moment to rediscover/find yourself. This doesn't mean that you have to quit your job or even make a drastic change. It probably will mean changing the way you think about things, with of course, a few adjustments in your life. How is this going to work out? I can't tell you that. It's impossible to predict how life will turn out. But, from what I've learned in my 19 years, life is full of surprises.
Finally, you are not alone and you never will be. Look around you, Mrs. Coral. You are in contact with 150 teenagers. The wonderful thing about high school teens, especially from Hamtramck... they will help you. They will listen. Sure, they might not think like you do since they still are young, but they will at least listen. Sometimes, that means a lot. especially when someone is going through things like a mid-life crisis. And don't forget, you have family and friends who'll listen to you too!
I can understand how you feel because I have gone through some things myself. A couple weeks ago, I've basically lost control of myself and even reality and did some things that now make me go "what the f--ruitcake was I thinking?" I've also faced a depression which consumed me for nearly a year... and each time I was hit with an obstacle, where everything seemed hopeless, I had friends who helped me back on my feet. And Mrs. Coral, you have tons of friends, including myself, ready to help you like *snaps finger* that.
So... do surround yourself more with those who you love and hang out. It will help you take your mind off things. I mean, just taking a walk with a friend or going to lunch with someone you know will make a huge difference in your day.
That's my little, quick advice... but yeah... and... keep on smiling, Mrs. Coral. :)
I would like to say that I will sponsor you in this Mid-Life Crisis, but I fear that it might encourage you.
Sorry to sound like my mother, but at 51 I can tell you that life after 40 is just like the song says "Is That All There Is..?"
Yes my friend welcome to this side of life.
I too teach, but thankfully it's to little ones. They think that I'm funny and cute. Teaching teenagers is really rough, I understand. The only consolation is that teenagers are going through their own "life crisis" and may be the perfect companions on this pithy journey of mid-life. Sarcacism , pretending to swear, being wholey unimpressed with manipulation (brown nosers) might amuse them - and allow you to let off steam.
Hang tough. Life at this age has the tendency to be quite rich too. Enjoy your free time (away from marking and planning) and do nice things for yourself.
All the best,
Lucy
Hi Toni,
I looked at my mid-life crisis the same as I did puberty. I don't know what's happening to me, and I'll be glad when it stops, but I will get through this.
I guess I just figure that puberty and mid-life crisis are just opposite ends of the spectrum. However, I do like your idea of corporate sponsorship. Who knows you might have your own reality show here pretty soon. :)
Anyway, I hope you'll be coming out of the mid-life tunnel soon and that you and the family are doing fine.
Take care
FM
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