I am really quite bad a remembering birthdays. Unless I am specifically reminded or we have made plans, I will forget your birthday. I know that on some levels that makes me a shitty friend.
Here is an example of technology to the rescue. Facebook reminds a person of all his/her "friends'" birthdays. Now, it's easy to write a superficial "happy birthday" on someone's wall. Plus, when it's your special day, you'll feel the FB wall love yourself. Now, what happens if the friend with a birthday is a real life friend with whom you have recently had a silent falling out?
I don't want to get too far into the details, but this is a person whom I considered sister-like and my son adores her and she him. The cause of the falling out is inconsequential, but considering where I think my life may be headed, the rift is likely irreparable. The question is: do I write a quick "happy birthday" on this person's wall. I would very much like to retain this person's friendship and love, but does this reach out a tentative hand to aid in that endeavor?
9 comments:
I think I would leave the quick birthday note on her FB wall. That conveys that you remembered her birthday and you aren't writing her off, but you aren't feeling close enough for a personal wish. Is that what you want to say...or do you want to try to repair things? I have lately, the older I get, found it easier to let people go, where earlier in my life I clung to people even when the relationship went south. I don't feel like I have the time to waste anymore and if someone doesn't make me feel good about life or about myself, then I'm better off just letting go.
I'd like to repair things, but I don't know if that is an option from her perspective. I feel comfortable with the quick note, but not with anything more complicated or personal at this time.
I'm trying to remember why we, as teenagers, are in such a hurry to grow up.
Well that leaves the door open for her next move. She knows that you, as a FB friend, can see it's her birthday, so if you skip it altogether you're sending a message of giving up on the friendship. And I say this as someone who hasn't had a friend since high school....so you might want to take my advice with a grain of salt. ;)
Hmm... I recently reconnected with a friend with whom I'd had a terrible falling out many years before. The impersonality of FB has made it easier to break that ground to try and start over, and so far, so good. If you think that a posting on FB isn't enough to break the ice, then send the person a personal greeting that no one else would see. I think that would really send the message that you want to reconnect. I'm just sayin'...
FYIm that Erik posting is from me, Kriss. My elder boy has a gmail acct, and I don't:-)
Rift or not, since you consider this person to be "sister-like," the obvious/wise choice would be to wish her a happy birthday. This will send a message that you at least think about her. Furthermore, since you want to retain this friendship, this would be a great start.
I mean, you have nothing to lose.
(side note: no one gets pissed for being wished a happy birthday - EXCEPT the ones sensitive about age)
"I'm trying to remember why we, as teenagers, are in such a hurry to grow up."
I thought it was obvious.
To go to strip clubs. Duh. :D
Best of luck.
I know what you mean (in regards to the blog). I remember when I had a Facebook account you still told me "Happy Birthday!" and for that I'm grateful. Thank you Mrs. Coral. :D
Thanks everybody. I'll leave a birthday wish and see what happens.
Post a Comment