My first camera

The other day, I bought a kiddie digital camera (marketed by Crayola) for Andrew. I gave it to him today and he couldn't put it down. He took hundreds of poorly framed pictures. I felt overjoyed that he seemed to enjoy the camera as much as I had hoped. Watching him reminded me of my first camera.

I think I was either eight or ten years old. I know that the occasion was Christmas. The camera my family had been using had been two forms of Polaroids: the first had an accordion lens and the photographer had to actually pull the picture out of the camera and the newest was a fancy one where the camera spit the picture out the front. I adored taking pictures with the second one. Anyway, the last gift under the tree was for me. It was a flat, kind of slender box and I had no clue what it was. I opened it and found a Kodak 110 camera. I remember crying I was so happy. I hadn't asked for one, but I had dreamed of having my own camera. This started a life long love of photography. I went on to take pictures for both my high school and college newspapers. I once took pictures for a friend's wedding. I actually considered it as a career. But, as usual, self-doubt reared its ugly head and forced me to take the safe path.

Hmmm, maybe there's a lesson there.

Yummy!

Whenever I'm feeling down or blue, my appetite is heavily affected. I'm usually less hungry and less tolerant of anything new or exotic. Like most people, I turn to comfort foods.

Recipe books love to classify food into categories. I love recipe books, but I just have to laugh at what qualifies as comfort food. Let's take mac n'cheese. I love mac n'cheese, it's Andrew's favorite food, and I have a mighty fine recipe for it. But my idea of comfort does not include spending 15 minutes grating eight ounces of sharp cheddar cheese. That's entirely took much work when I'm blue. The same with lasagna - way too much work to be comforting if the one who needs comforting is the chef.

My comfort food is breakfast. I love toast with butter and apple butter. Cereal of almost any kind is perfect. If I'm really sad, though, nothing can give me a temporary jump like Frosted Flakes. I also love oatmeal. Sure those instant packages will do, but I mean quick cooking oatmeal with brown sugar, maple syrup, and dried apples. I just had a bowl for lunch and my tummy is pretty happy.

What is your favorite comfort food?

Between two worlds

I went to a one hour lecture on getting published. The lecture was offered through BookFest Windsor. The gentleman who spoke gave great advice - even just about little things. The first thing I can do is order business cards. The next thing I think I can do is record myself reading some of the poems I've written and upload those videos to YouTube. I was happy to hear that an agent is not a necessity and even happier to hear that John Grisham's A Time to Kill was rejected 27 times and that he published it himself. I need to read more, which means I'll have to outsource other jobs like sleeping, but that's okay.

Two bits of advice he gave, that I already knew, pulled down my spirits a bit. I need regular time to write, where no one bothers me. That is difficult with a six year old. The other is that my story (set in an American high school) probably needs an American publisher. That means I need to spend more time in the States, making connections, attending literary events, and going to book conferences. I like to do all of those things, but I am mom to a six year old boy, who needs me.

But, you say, aren't you married? I've not yet said this publicly, but here it is: my marriage is on shaky grounds and well, it might not survive. If I start heavily pursuing the publication of my book, will it be used against me? The time that I spend doing what I have to get the book published means less time with my son. Will I be seen as some unfit, narcissistic mother? That's not who I am and yet I have this dream that is within reach. How do I balance all of that with a bazillion papers to grade? I've already given up on a neat and tidy home, and I am seriously considering paying someone to do that. Most importantly, if this all falls apart, how do I keep my baby and publish my book?