Out of the shadows

Earlier this week, I was talking to a friend who is also going through a divorce. Like us, she and her husband have not yet told their son, but unlike us, have told their parents. I have told my friends, while her husband has requested that they not tell anyone yet. They are using a mediator, and we will very soon start that process. It felt good to share with someone whose situation is very similar to my own. Toward the end of our chat, she said that she really admired how I was living my life in such an open manner. I've not hidden my pending divorce. I've quietly changed my FB status to "separated" and, of course, it is now a topic open for discussion here. I hadn't thought deliberately about living so openly, it's just what I've done. I take her words as a compliment and compliments always make me blush a little.

Her words have spun around in my head all week.n At the same time, I have assigned an essay to my seniors based on the This I Believe curriculum from NPR. I've completing the tasks right along side of them and I have discovered a theme for every step (forward and back) that I have taken in my life. That theme is struggling out of the shadows. I spent my high school years painfully shy. I wore huge shirts to hide my body and long bangs to hide my face. Why did I do this? I have some ideas, but I don't need to rehash all of that.

What I do want to do is to live comfortably in my own skin. This is me. This is my world. It's time for me to seize what I can, not violently, but through all of my senses and into every pore. If it's cold outside, why complain? Make some tea, grab a blanket and a book and enjoy. If my body hurts, it's time to take a rest. If it is not inconvenient or selfish, road trips will continue. This is not to say that I won't be irrational from time to time, but if I can keep that in check, I hope my soul will feel a little better.