I think that many of my non-Squeeze friends find my activities a bit...odd. I mean, I am a mom in her mid 40s who travels around to see an underrated 80s band perform old songs. They haven't put out new material and I travel by myself. I've been thinking about this for a long time now and I've come up with something. For me, Squeeze=love and community.
A long time ago, I was a very shy girl, who did not believe in herself. My parents were a touch over-protective and for the most part, my social life was very limited. I carried that girl inside of me for a long time, well into adulthood. I molded myself to whatever situation I encountered, just so I would fit in. Except for music. I kept my musical taste true to my actual self. As insecure as I was, I didn't share my music with others. I don't know why.
Since ninth grade, Squeeze has been my favorite band. I loved Chris Difford's storytelling and clever lyrics. Of course, there was Glenn Tilbrook and his voice and...well, everyone knows about my crush. They weren't hardcore enough for my more punk friends and were under the radar for other friends - underdogs. Perfect for me.
I followed them through records and attending shows when I could. I lost track of them when I became a teacher. Hell, I lost track of everything when I became a teacher. But, I found them again when they toured in 2008 and even more so when I saw Glenn perform in Cleveland in 2009. As a matter of fact, that show was a real turning point in my life. I mean, he and his band the Fluffers were so nice and I met other fanatics. I can't fully explain what it was about that night, I just knew I needed to travel and see shows.
That's what I've been doing. All along the way, I meet more people who love what I do. I have visited places that I probably wouldn't have visited. Honestly, if I hadn't gone to San Diego during this past Easter break, you know what I would have been doing? Grading papers and sitting around. Why do that? Instead, I got a tan, made new friends and talked with my favorite musicians. I learned that my lifelong crush really knows who I am as unprompted he asked my how my school year was going. I met the woman who edited my novel at a gig on Long Island. I'm going to London during the Olympics because of Squeeze.
I wouldn't have my life any other way.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Life is like cake
I've waited a while to write about Andrew's latest assessment because I really needed to digest the results. There's a lot to think about now
He is still on the spectrum. No surprise there. What the psychiatrist wanted us to think about in addition to ASD was something she called Child Maltreatment Syndrome. This refers to the long-term damage caused by early childhood trauma - like abandonment, neglect, and malnourishment. Boys are, like autism, more likely to suffer permanent damage. The research that I've read suggests that if a child is abused in someway at vital stages in early development, the brain wires incorrectly. This incorrect wiring makes it difficult for the child to form appropriate bonds. Disorganized attachment. My greatest fear from day one of the adoption process.
This has weighed on my mind heavily ever since it was suggested to us. While in San Diego, I often thought is it good for Andrew that I take these little trips. I would be miserable without them, but shouldn't I sacrifice for him?
We worked so hard on attachment in those early days, before autism became our number one focus. Now we have a two front battle to wage, all with one goal. How to best help Andrew grow into a strong, independent adult - in spite of his traumatic early days? Those days which, if I think about them too much, hurt my heart.
I think I know where to go to try and get answers: the adoption agency, adoption experts. It's just another layer to add to this cake I call life.
He is still on the spectrum. No surprise there. What the psychiatrist wanted us to think about in addition to ASD was something she called Child Maltreatment Syndrome. This refers to the long-term damage caused by early childhood trauma - like abandonment, neglect, and malnourishment. Boys are, like autism, more likely to suffer permanent damage. The research that I've read suggests that if a child is abused in someway at vital stages in early development, the brain wires incorrectly. This incorrect wiring makes it difficult for the child to form appropriate bonds. Disorganized attachment. My greatest fear from day one of the adoption process.
This has weighed on my mind heavily ever since it was suggested to us. While in San Diego, I often thought is it good for Andrew that I take these little trips. I would be miserable without them, but shouldn't I sacrifice for him?
We worked so hard on attachment in those early days, before autism became our number one focus. Now we have a two front battle to wage, all with one goal. How to best help Andrew grow into a strong, independent adult - in spite of his traumatic early days? Those days which, if I think about them too much, hurt my heart.
I think I know where to go to try and get answers: the adoption agency, adoption experts. It's just another layer to add to this cake I call life.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
California Adventures - Part II
It's taking me a few days to write these, sorry. I'm still feeling pretty tired from the trip and I've got Andrew with me this weekend, so I've had more important matters.
I woke up Tuesday to a gray, drizzly morning. Plus, It was a little chillier than expected. I met Gill up on the rooftop terrace where breakfast was served. The view was quite nice and at one angle, we would see down to the water. It was, however, too windy and chilly to linger too long. Gill suggested that we take the ferry out to a spot called Coronado Island and check out the beach. Sounded like a plan to me seeing as I had no clue as to what we would do until it was time for the gig.
First, a trip to the House of Blues to see if we could get the tickets to the show, we were a little early for that. Than a trip to the beautiful train station to print our tickets for Wednesday. The building was gorgeous - built in 1915 (I think that is what the plaque said). Glittering domes stood high guard along the main entrance. The inside was wide open, with a ceiling like the bottom of a boat. I know there is a proper name for this, I just don't know it. Spread out on the walls were brightly glazed yellow tiles that announced that the rail line was the Santa Fe.
From there, we walked to the water to catch a ferry. Our timing wasn't quite right, so that gave us time to walk down toward the Midway Museum. We didn't go on the boat, but wandered along the neighboring park. There were cool trees to climb (we both climbed them) and an enormous statue of the iconic Life magazine picture from VE Day.
That jaunt had killed enough time to catch the ferry. By this time, any remnants of chilliness had dissipated and the sun was hot atop that boat. I hadn't packed any sunblock and by the end of the day, my face was blazing red (now, peeling). Coronado Island is inhabited by a number of large expensive homes (though, not all were) and restaurants. We split a spinach salad and sweet potato fries and then tried to make our way to the other side of the island where there is a beach. The island is only a mile long, but we never quite made it to the beach, time ran out and we had to get back to get ready for the concert.
Weeks ago, I ordered a purple bra top from Victoria's Secret, with the notion that I would wear it to this show. So I put it on and my girls were on full glorious display. I got my courage together and went out, just like that. We walked two blocks to the venue, got our tickets and went in to eat, because a stamped receipt would let us jump the queue and it was our intention to stand front and center. It worked too.
We were joined by someone who knew Gill through some other people and he (Gary) was quite helpful as we entered the venue - leading us downstairs to the main floor. Front and center indeed. This gives me one of the funniest moments in the the trip. John Bentley was on the front of the stage, chatting with someone in the audience who knew him. Someone from behind my left should started shouting "Glenn! Glenn!" I turned around and said, "That's not Glenn Tilbrook!" The couple who had been shouting asked me who it was and, as uncondescendingly as possible, I set them straight.
Time for the opening act - new buddy - Steve Poltz. It was funny, the first thing he did was say, "some people came all the way from the UK for this show," meaning Gill. That was as nice as the shout out to Detroit the night before. Then he launched into a wonderful set of songs. I don't really know the names of them, but they were sung with with great passion and wonderful humor, he immediately won me over. One thing I can said, is the crowd by the bar in the back were very rude to this hometown bar, as they talked all the way through his set.
Once Steve left, the main floor began to fill-in and even get a little odd. Before Squeeze came on, a small surge pushed on us in the front. I turned around to the person whose shoulder landed into me and said, "Really? Aren't we all a little old for this pushing crap." She said someone pushed her. I girded myself and waited for the boys.
Finally, Squeeze!!!!! The band bounded out on stage and I swear that I detected a quick smile from Mr. Tilbrook as he caught sight of two friendly faces front and center. They launched into "Take Me I'm Yours." The sound was not great and it was obvious that Glenn was not quite pleased as he looked to the sound board often, giving directions. His vocals were a bit washed out and we could not hear Stephen at all. Aside from that, the band was remarkably energetic considering how jet lagged they were. The rest of the set follows:
Take Me I'm Yours
If I Didn't Love You
Tough Love
In Quintessence
Revue
Model
The Knack
Who's That
Is That Love
Points of View
Melody Motel
Heaven
Some Fantastic Place
Cool for Cats
Up the Junction
Annie Get Your Gun
Hourglass
Goodbye Girl
Another Nail in My Heart
Pulling Mussels
Encore
Slap and Tickle
Tempted
Black Coffee
As a hardcore fan, I loved the mix of deeper cuts and hits - love, love, love "In Quintessence." The crowd was a bit more muted through that section of the show, but polite. The big surprise for everyone was when Glenn didn't pick up his guitar for Tempted and led the crowd on a backing vocals sing-a-long with nothing but the mic in his hand. Stephen said later that the move was a surprise to everyone.
After the show, Steve Poltz's sound man Chris kindly led us to the after show. We thought we were on the list, but the venue couldn't find the list,so we initially figured we were out of luck. There we chatted with all the guys, except Chris, and got to meet Rissa who will also be in the Baltimore show (with me!!!!) at the end of April. I had my obligatory picture taken with Glenn. I must say, the beard is better in real life than in pictures. I suggested that it might be nice braided; he just guffawed and gave me a bit of a look.
My favorite part of the after show was that Glenn remembered me. I introduced myself and he looked incredulously at me and said "I remember you." He promptly asked me how my school year was going. More chit chat and time to leave.
Tomorrow - The Coach House.
I woke up Tuesday to a gray, drizzly morning. Plus, It was a little chillier than expected. I met Gill up on the rooftop terrace where breakfast was served. The view was quite nice and at one angle, we would see down to the water. It was, however, too windy and chilly to linger too long. Gill suggested that we take the ferry out to a spot called Coronado Island and check out the beach. Sounded like a plan to me seeing as I had no clue as to what we would do until it was time for the gig.
First, a trip to the House of Blues to see if we could get the tickets to the show, we were a little early for that. Than a trip to the beautiful train station to print our tickets for Wednesday. The building was gorgeous - built in 1915 (I think that is what the plaque said). Glittering domes stood high guard along the main entrance. The inside was wide open, with a ceiling like the bottom of a boat. I know there is a proper name for this, I just don't know it. Spread out on the walls were brightly glazed yellow tiles that announced that the rail line was the Santa Fe.
From there, we walked to the water to catch a ferry. Our timing wasn't quite right, so that gave us time to walk down toward the Midway Museum. We didn't go on the boat, but wandered along the neighboring park. There were cool trees to climb (we both climbed them) and an enormous statue of the iconic Life magazine picture from VE Day.
That jaunt had killed enough time to catch the ferry. By this time, any remnants of chilliness had dissipated and the sun was hot atop that boat. I hadn't packed any sunblock and by the end of the day, my face was blazing red (now, peeling). Coronado Island is inhabited by a number of large expensive homes (though, not all were) and restaurants. We split a spinach salad and sweet potato fries and then tried to make our way to the other side of the island where there is a beach. The island is only a mile long, but we never quite made it to the beach, time ran out and we had to get back to get ready for the concert.
Weeks ago, I ordered a purple bra top from Victoria's Secret, with the notion that I would wear it to this show. So I put it on and my girls were on full glorious display. I got my courage together and went out, just like that. We walked two blocks to the venue, got our tickets and went in to eat, because a stamped receipt would let us jump the queue and it was our intention to stand front and center. It worked too.
We were joined by someone who knew Gill through some other people and he (Gary) was quite helpful as we entered the venue - leading us downstairs to the main floor. Front and center indeed. This gives me one of the funniest moments in the the trip. John Bentley was on the front of the stage, chatting with someone in the audience who knew him. Someone from behind my left should started shouting "Glenn! Glenn!" I turned around and said, "That's not Glenn Tilbrook!" The couple who had been shouting asked me who it was and, as uncondescendingly as possible, I set them straight.
Time for the opening act - new buddy - Steve Poltz. It was funny, the first thing he did was say, "some people came all the way from the UK for this show," meaning Gill. That was as nice as the shout out to Detroit the night before. Then he launched into a wonderful set of songs. I don't really know the names of them, but they were sung with with great passion and wonderful humor, he immediately won me over. One thing I can said, is the crowd by the bar in the back were very rude to this hometown bar, as they talked all the way through his set.
Once Steve left, the main floor began to fill-in and even get a little odd. Before Squeeze came on, a small surge pushed on us in the front. I turned around to the person whose shoulder landed into me and said, "Really? Aren't we all a little old for this pushing crap." She said someone pushed her. I girded myself and waited for the boys.
Finally, Squeeze!!!!! The band bounded out on stage and I swear that I detected a quick smile from Mr. Tilbrook as he caught sight of two friendly faces front and center. They launched into "Take Me I'm Yours." The sound was not great and it was obvious that Glenn was not quite pleased as he looked to the sound board often, giving directions. His vocals were a bit washed out and we could not hear Stephen at all. Aside from that, the band was remarkably energetic considering how jet lagged they were. The rest of the set follows:
Take Me I'm Yours
If I Didn't Love You
Tough Love
In Quintessence
Revue
Model
The Knack
Who's That
Is That Love
Points of View
Melody Motel
Heaven
Some Fantastic Place
Cool for Cats
Up the Junction
Annie Get Your Gun
Hourglass
Goodbye Girl
Another Nail in My Heart
Pulling Mussels
Encore
Slap and Tickle
Tempted
Black Coffee
As a hardcore fan, I loved the mix of deeper cuts and hits - love, love, love "In Quintessence." The crowd was a bit more muted through that section of the show, but polite. The big surprise for everyone was when Glenn didn't pick up his guitar for Tempted and led the crowd on a backing vocals sing-a-long with nothing but the mic in his hand. Stephen said later that the move was a surprise to everyone.
After the show, Steve Poltz's sound man Chris kindly led us to the after show. We thought we were on the list, but the venue couldn't find the list,so we initially figured we were out of luck. There we chatted with all the guys, except Chris, and got to meet Rissa who will also be in the Baltimore show (with me!!!!) at the end of April. I had my obligatory picture taken with Glenn. I must say, the beard is better in real life than in pictures. I suggested that it might be nice braided; he just guffawed and gave me a bit of a look.
My favorite part of the after show was that Glenn remembered me. I introduced myself and he looked incredulously at me and said "I remember you." He promptly asked me how my school year was going. More chit chat and time to leave.
Tomorrow - The Coach House.
Friday, April 13, 2012
California Adventures - Part I
My love for Squeeze takes me several places this year - first San Diego and San Juan Capistrano.
I arrived in San Diego on Monday, April 9th without any delays. My layover in Denver was painless. I caught a cab to Downtown San Diego where I would find the Gaslamp Plaza Suites and my travel companion Gill. Back a few months ago, I posted that I was thinking seriously about going to San Diego to see Squeeze because the show was taking place on my week off, so why not? The only sticking point was that I had no one to travel with me. One day, Gill, whom I met at the Rochester Castle concert last summer, sent me a message on FB and said she was going to come from London, so I immediately made my plans and we coordinated to make a great trip.
Anyway, once I arrived at the hotel, I put my things in Gill's room because mine wasn't quite ready and we went for lunch. We ate at a place called the Merk where I devoured a wild mushroom pizza. The we wandered down to the harbor to kill a little time. Very touristy but the water is beautiful and the sun was gorgeous.
We cabbed back to the hotel and by that time, my room was ready, so I went and cleaned up and rested a little. We had big plans for the evening - the first of three gigs to attend.
Last fall, Glenn Tilbrook toured the UK and brought along an American singer/songwriter named Steve Poltz. He was set to open for Squeeze the following night. The UK branch of the Squeeze family grew quite fond of him, including Gill. She contacted his sound guy, Chris Modl, about attending a Stageit concert. I guess that he has been doing these Internet shows for a while. Gill contacted the sound guy (Chris), he gave her the address and we went . Our cab arrived in an industrial park in an iffy park of town. Chris shouted Gill's name and we were ushered into the studio, which was not very big. Steve was getting something from his van and greeted us warmly. We sat on the couch as the two set up the lights, the guitars, the computer, and the camera for the show. On top of that, Steve was preparing to leave on Thursday for a five week tour of Australia, so there were calls about t-shirts, CDs, and other merchandise.
After a technical delay, the performance started. For the next 45 minutes, Steve played songs and told stories behind the songs. Gill and I quietly applauded after each song. I was a Poltz virgin up until that point, but he won me over, especially after the shout out to all the Detroiters in the house.
After the performance, Steve chatted on line with viewers for about 15 minutes. Some of those were people both Gill and I know. It quickly became quite silly and time to leave descended on all. I went to call for a cab when Steve offered to give us a lift. We asked if there were any good restaurants around as we had skipped dinner and so the three of us hopped into his very cluttered van for dinner in North Beach. There were large fuzzy animal heads (a rabbit and a teddy bear - don't ask) in the back and I kept playing with those. We arrived at a Mexican restaurant (I have since forgotten the name) that was out of this world. I ordered the tofu enchiladas with ranchero sauce, rice, and refried beans. Steve is super nice and down-to-earth. His creativity is constantly churning.
After he dropped us at our hotel, we wandered over to a bar named Croce's where I flirted with a waiter half my age. We drank, swapped stories, and laughed. All in all, a perfect first day.
I arrived in San Diego on Monday, April 9th without any delays. My layover in Denver was painless. I caught a cab to Downtown San Diego where I would find the Gaslamp Plaza Suites and my travel companion Gill. Back a few months ago, I posted that I was thinking seriously about going to San Diego to see Squeeze because the show was taking place on my week off, so why not? The only sticking point was that I had no one to travel with me. One day, Gill, whom I met at the Rochester Castle concert last summer, sent me a message on FB and said she was going to come from London, so I immediately made my plans and we coordinated to make a great trip.
Anyway, once I arrived at the hotel, I put my things in Gill's room because mine wasn't quite ready and we went for lunch. We ate at a place called the Merk where I devoured a wild mushroom pizza. The we wandered down to the harbor to kill a little time. Very touristy but the water is beautiful and the sun was gorgeous.
We cabbed back to the hotel and by that time, my room was ready, so I went and cleaned up and rested a little. We had big plans for the evening - the first of three gigs to attend.
Last fall, Glenn Tilbrook toured the UK and brought along an American singer/songwriter named Steve Poltz. He was set to open for Squeeze the following night. The UK branch of the Squeeze family grew quite fond of him, including Gill. She contacted his sound guy, Chris Modl, about attending a Stageit concert. I guess that he has been doing these Internet shows for a while. Gill contacted the sound guy (Chris), he gave her the address and we went . Our cab arrived in an industrial park in an iffy park of town. Chris shouted Gill's name and we were ushered into the studio, which was not very big. Steve was getting something from his van and greeted us warmly. We sat on the couch as the two set up the lights, the guitars, the computer, and the camera for the show. On top of that, Steve was preparing to leave on Thursday for a five week tour of Australia, so there were calls about t-shirts, CDs, and other merchandise.
After a technical delay, the performance started. For the next 45 minutes, Steve played songs and told stories behind the songs. Gill and I quietly applauded after each song. I was a Poltz virgin up until that point, but he won me over, especially after the shout out to all the Detroiters in the house.
After the performance, Steve chatted on line with viewers for about 15 minutes. Some of those were people both Gill and I know. It quickly became quite silly and time to leave descended on all. I went to call for a cab when Steve offered to give us a lift. We asked if there were any good restaurants around as we had skipped dinner and so the three of us hopped into his very cluttered van for dinner in North Beach. There were large fuzzy animal heads (a rabbit and a teddy bear - don't ask) in the back and I kept playing with those. We arrived at a Mexican restaurant (I have since forgotten the name) that was out of this world. I ordered the tofu enchiladas with ranchero sauce, rice, and refried beans. Steve is super nice and down-to-earth. His creativity is constantly churning.
After he dropped us at our hotel, we wandered over to a bar named Croce's where I flirted with a waiter half my age. We drank, swapped stories, and laughed. All in all, a perfect first day.
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